I feel very lost right now. My parenting skills are deeply suffering from a teenage-minded mom. Yeah, that girl is me. I am 22 years old and yet, there are times I act as if I were 16 again. I will admit, I've thought for too long that my daughter is young enough and does not understand certain situations but let me give you examples of how I know my behavior is affecting her.
Yesterday afternoon: I get upset at my husband and speak rudely to him. Hayley turns to him, shaking her hands, and begins to yell gibberish at him also. [Ouch!]
Today: Hayley is in the back of the car and all of a sudden screams, "No!" and other gibberish and then giggles at herself.

Wow.

I feel like I have failed to teach her anything at all about being a respectful human being. Any time she acts up, I usually hear the response, "She has your attitude." but I am starting to think that even though she is spunky, her attitude has been a learning process. She sees the way that my husband and I treat each other when we are angry or stressed out and she mimicks it.

And please don't tell me what I've done wrong. I am hurt and embarrassed enough that I have taught her to act this way. Obviously, my husband and I have talked and will try and change some things but in the process, it will be difficult. She was born with 100% sass and attitude and to see us acting that way has only added to our problem.

I will let you know how things work out. She is only 17 months. I have not failed her completely. :)

And thats the way Suze sees it.

He's Back!

Just thought I'd let you know we all seem to be better and our face-grabbing newborn is BACK home and looking bigger than ever!!! I love this picture because of his one blue eye and his abusing abilities. This kiddo hardly goes anywhere without mittens on his hands so he wont rip is face off!

And that's how Suze sees it.

That Newborn Stage

I love my son, however I do not love "the newborn stage". There is just something about those first few weeks when you are getting used to getting up at night, changing diapers every 2 hours, and dealing with spit up that make it stressful for me.
So you'd think I'd jump at the chance to have someone else watch him over night. Ok, I'll admit it, I did. My husband and I came down with the flu and Petey has a nasty cough/fever so my mother in law took the baby for the night. That was yesterday...
Last night, my stiff joints and chills from the fever made it so I didn't get a good nights rest, even though I did not have my newborn. Then today, I just felt like something was missing. Neyo...that's what's missing. I love my babies, from newborn stage on, so it has been a hard thing to not have him here.
Tonight is the second night I will have been away from him. Tomorrow morning around 9am will be 48 hours since Ive seen him. I miss my baby boy!
Curse you, stupid influenza!!!

And that's how Suze sees it.

18 Kids and Counting

Ok, so I'm obsessed.
I love the show "18 Kids and Counting".
Not because I want 18 kids but moreso because I LOVE the wholesome family aspect. I love that Michelle Duggar teaches her girls not to wear lowcut shirts or any other immodest clothing. Really, I'm sure it sounds odd that I'm talking about this because my daughter owns two baby bikinis, wears tank tops, and wears shorts a lot. I havent quite grasped the modesty with her yet. It's cute to me when she goes swimming and her little belly is sticking out. But I have become obsessed with this show because I like hearing about families raising their children in righteousness. I love that they have 18 kids who are more well behaved than some people with 2 kids. I guess I just love watching their show and supporting the way they raise their children.
I hope that I can raise my children to be as respectful, caring, and kind as the Duggar children.


And that's how Suze sees it.

Meet my Babies

Meet Petey.Petey was born 17 months ago, in May of 2008. She has the biggest blue eyes I have ever seen and has a firecracker personality.
I had a plan before she was born. She was to be a breast fed, vaginal delivered baby...and nothing in my plan came true. Petey came one month early by c section, weighing 5 lbs even and though I tried to breast feed her, she was losing weight and would not latch on...so she got a bottle and that was the end of it. Her health has been good in the past year and she has no delays so far. She rolled over at 6 weeks, crawled at 6 months and walked at 13 months...all within normal limits of the average child.
Petey now has a brother (yeah my 17 month old is a BIG sister).
Meet Neyo.
(due to not being on my regular computer, you'll have to look at the sidebar to see his picture)
Neyo was born 2 weeks ago at 39 weeks weighing in at 6lbs 6oz and again, my plan was as follows: vaginal delivery and breast fed baby. Again, my plan failed and will forever determine the way I have children (two c sections is two strikes and you cannot try a vaginal delivery again). He started out breast fed and was a CHAMP. But between the nurses giving him a bottle in the nursery, me then trying for two or three hours to get him to latch on, pumping for the next week with great amounts of pain, things changed. Around the time that blood ended up in one of his pumped bottles, I chose to stop. I CHOSE to stop pumping. I was producing less and less and the pain was bothering me far greater than even the pain of my c section. So he is now bottle fed.
A family friend yesterday inquired about my breastfeeding, as I stuck a bottle in my son's mouth. I gave her the run down of my situation to which she replied, "You had better keep pumping so that baby gets breastmilk." Oh ok...I had no idea this wasn't MY decision, lady. I am sorry for stopping but honestly, I think the ultimate decision lies in my hands. And actually, I shouldn't have to be sorry for stopping. For the past week, I have cried numerous times and told my husband I feel selfish for not breastfeeding my child. But why should I feel guilty? I am sure he will still grow up to be a handsome, successful young man and if he didn't, I don't think I would blame it on those formula bottles he was given for the first year of his life.
So here's my opinion. If you want to breastfeed your babies, GREAT! I wanted to breastfeed mine also and am completely not against the idea. But everyone has a decision to make and everyone's bodies are different. I cannot know how you feel and you cannot completely know how I feel.
And that's the way Suze sees it.
Goodnight.

Here we go...

Welcome.

To my new creative outlet.

I need this.

And maybe you need this.

But if you dont and it only helps me, mission accomplished.