Go ahead and vote!

Something big is about to happen...
The Little Mr and I are soon to be one year older and wiser too!

Since this momentous week (our birthdays being exactly a week apart) is approaching quickly, I thought I would do something fun and different here on the bloggity-blog. I am a serious lover of birthdays.

Have you ever heard of a vlog? I've seen many people post vlogs (video blogs) before and always thought they were rather embarrassing. I type because I dont want to be seen all over the internet. That's what meeting in person is for. But I'm sucking up my embarrassment for your one time (or maybe more if it's a big hit) satisfaction.

On the side of my blog, you will now see a poll. This poll will be open through next Friday (Spidey's birthday) and I will post the video the following Friday (my birthday).

So, go on. Vote away!

Have a fabulous conference weekend!

And that's how Suze sees it.

Some Extra Fun

I have had a couple of funny videos I wanted to post on here but could not figure out how to do it (other than upload them onto blogger for 10 hours...I dont think so). I asked my internet friend, Emmy Mom, and she told me to upload them through Youtube and then post them to my blog.
So here I am with two funny videos (and probably many more to come).
The first one is from when we were in Tucson a couple weekends ago. Uncle Fatty bought Fruit Ninja for the Kinect and the kids had a blast playing it. Petey did pretty well, for a 3 yr old.

The next video is from when Boss and I went to pick up the kids from my mom a couple days ago. They were having a blast swinging. My favorite parts of this video include my mom freaking out because she kept thinking Spidey was going to fall out of the swing (she keeps having mini panic attacks in the background) and Spidey saying, "I did it!" Such a cutie, that boy.

10 Things to Smile About: September

I've missed the past couple of months of 10 Things to Smile About because of our hard times but this morning, as I was reading through Emmy Mom's blog, I realized that I need this blog post more than anything.
Throughout every trial, we have had so many good times. There really is so much to be thankful for this month.
1. Getting to babysit Baby L and seeing how much my kids adored her. 2. Celebrating my sister in law's birthday and seeing all the kids happy together.
3. Finally finding the bunk beds we've been wanting for a price we've been needing.
4. Asking Spidey to throw away his diaper and seeing him walk to the trash can, bare-bummed. I'm pretty sure we were in tears from laughing.
5. Seeing the love that Boss has for children, even when they aren't our own. He is a better nursery leader than I am.
6. Finishing a project. Petey asks daily if she can color or make something to hang up there.
7. My dad signing Petey and the other two oldest grandchildren up to be Jr Sun Devils. I still need to post about this because it was so sweet and we are excited to use our free stuff!

8. Finding out my sister is having a baby GIRL!

9. Spidey saying a 6 word sentence yesterday. He's been up to 4 or 5 words but yesterday, he surprised me and said, "I no want to come here!" Yes, his best sentences are the one's where he is telling me no to something. Love that boy.

10. Realizing how many people love us and our rooting for us.

Month 1: Fail

I lost today's battle.
I felt defeated, angry and depressed.
And then I questioned everything I've been telling myself (and others) these past few weeks.
It's ok if I don't get pregnant this month.
I'm focusing on how grateful I am for the things I have.
I'm ok right now.

I thought all of those things were true until today. But now I am thinking I was just hoping I'd be pregnant this month and that I'd be able to push those feelings under the rug because I was indeed pregnant.
Well, it's not the case. And I felt horrible today.
Month 1 of fertility drugs; Infertility: 1, Suzanne: 0.
I know it's only month 1 but I just had such high hopes. Especially since I've been able to get pregnant sooooo easily before. If I used to be able to do that, I figured with fertility drugs, it would all be easy again.

I felt angry today. Serious anger. I haven't resorted to such feelings in a long time considering how blessed I know I am in almost every other aspect of life. While driving, all I could think about was the fact that I felt punished. I felt like this was my punishment for something---but what? And I tried to replay any mistakes or bad decisions I've made. I have been trying to ask myself why this is happening to me when I've been trying to live a good life. Why weren't my prayers being answered? I already know the answer but I just don't want to accept it. Everything is in His hands and He knows when it's best for a baby to come to our family. I know that, it's just a hard thing to accept.

My sister in law used the word "defeated" today and that pinpoints exactly how I feel. I feel so helpless all over again. And I feel even more scared. Boss and I had a talk about this fertility and he told me we have to decide when to stop. He told me he doesn't want me to live my life, obsessed with having a baby, if it isn't going to happen. He is absolutely right but it just scared me so much. We are in the first month and I know we wont have to make a decision like that for a very long time, if ever, but the fact that I could have to face that someday makes me scared.

I'm faced with many emotions tonight, some of which cannot even be described. I cannot decide whether I want to make changes this month or just give this fertility another chance. As stupid as it may sound, it was a hard month with that stuff---and it makes me feel like a psycho, something I don't want to make a habit of being. I just wish someone else could make my life decisions for a while because I'm exhausted.

And yes, I'm grateful for everything else. Please don't tell me that I'm not. That has happened way too much this month and I just want to be able to grieve and handle this in my own way, without being worried that I'm going to receive a harsh comment or a rude email. I know I have a lot. This has just been really hard on me.

Here's to hoping tomorrow's a better day.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Smaller, smaller, and smaller

Remember my little girl? That cute little kid I gave birth to 3 years ago?
Do you remember how she wore size 12 month clothing until she was 2 yrs old?
Well, I was actually surprised when by her third birthday, she fit into size 3T, since she's always worn sizes smaller than her actual age.
Well, then this summer, a small growth spurt happened. (which is big for my girly who is also very, very, very short) During this growth spurt, Miss Petey must not have gained any weight because well, over the weekend, this kept happening... See the inches of underwear showing? We were in Tucson and I packed 4 pairs of pants/skirts. First, the skirt kept falling down so I tried some shorts. Same thing happened but we decided to keep them on her. After she had an accident in those, we tried the other 2 pairs of shorts and they were both falling completely off...so I resorted to her little brother's size 18 month shorts...the khaki's in the above picture. As you can see, those were too big around the waist too!

Not sure what I am going to do but for today, we have just resorted to wearing size 18 month leggings with her awesome new ASU tshirt (a post about that coming soon). And seriously, could that face have any more sass? Maybe I take too many pictures because she has SO many faces and poses that she gives me when I break the camera out nowadays. Not sure if I should laugh or be worried.

The funniest thing about my girly not gaining any weight is that she seriously asks to eat all. day. long. She usually eats breakfast around 7:30am and by 8am, she asks for her first snack. This goes on the entire day, many times it's 10 minutes after eating the last snack. How can I have a child that is eating me out of house and home but dropping clothes sizes? I am so confused.

I guess she just has her daddy's genetics.

And that's how Suze sees it.

ART

When I signed up for Pinterest a while ago, I pinned this cute little wall art that uses clipboards and wooden letters to display your kids' artwork.
Well, I finally got around to making it!
I painted all my clipboards white and hung them up on the wall. Then I decided I didn't want to paint the wooden letters so I tried a new technique, wrapping them with yarn!

It isn't perfect and I didnt follow a tutorial (meaning I wonder if they have a better technique for it) but I still like the way it looks. And it's neutral enough that it can work in whatever home we have with whatever colors we choose.

And that's how Suze crafts.

Why I stay home

I've seen two different links circulating through Facebook that have really made me think this week. One was from the Huffington Post and you can read it here. Another, my personal favorite, was a guest post written on one of the cute blogs I follow and you can read it here. Both posts talk about something that I am privileged enough to be able to do...stay at home with my children.

Over a year ago, my husband and I decided it was time for me to quit my job. Petey was a little over 2 years old and Spidey was 10 months old. I was elated to be home with my two little lovies and thought this would be the easiest and most fun thing in the world.

I was 50% correct.

And if staying at home is so challenging, why do I do it?

I stay home because I want my children learning my teachings and not that of a babysitter or my mother. As much as I love and trust my mother or our other babysitters, my husband and I have set goals and rules and want to maintain those certain things in our household. There were many things I told my mom in Petey's 2 years with her that my mom dutifully followed but it just wasn't the same as her having me home. My children have always loved me. I was never worried about our relationship. But there is no replacement for me. I am their mother.

On my hardest of days, when I've yelled too much, turned on the too many movies, etc, I wonder why I don't just leave them with their Grandma. Her patience is much better than mine and she is always thinking of ways to entertain my kids so they don't have as much time to fight or whine. It is on those days that I realize what I am doing. I am learning patience. I am learning to find activities and to dissolve fights. This isnt just for my children. It is for both of us.

We are both learning every day.
Currently, I am working on not yelling.
Petey is working on not throwing tantrums when she hears the word "no".
And Spidey is in the middle stages of learning our discipline policies; For example: If he doesnt finish his food, no snacks til the next meal. If he whines, mom ignores. If he hits, time out. Etc. Poor Spidey is at that very important age where he is being molded and learning a lot at one time. But he is taking it all in like a champ...sometimes. :)

If I weren't home, none of this would be happening. My kids would not have the relationship that they do with me and my husband (since he is actually home most of the time too).

Especially on those hard days, I am grateful that I get to be home. I am grateful that I get to experience ups and downs and in betweens with my kids. This life I live is priceless.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Bedtime is one of my favorite and least favorite times of our day. I sure do love having 'me' time after my kids are in bed but I really do miss them. My kids usually watch a movie right after dinner (if we are at home). Then, we take baths, read a book, and say our prayers. This has become an almost consistent routine. The other night, as we were getting the kids in bed, I realized I hadn't taken pictures of something very exciting. Do you notice that all 3 of them are fitting on that bed but it isn't our master bed?

We found our bunk beds! Thank you, craigslist! I thought I liked the color but I think when life calms down a bit and Boss and I can muster up some energy, we will stain them a darker brown, like the crib. I am so happy the search is over. They are super sturdy and can even be made into two twin beds. Can you tell I'm happy?

In other news, I deemed tonight close enough to Halloween that I decided to start getting my decorations up around the house!

This picture is horrible but dont you love the pumpkin jars? My sis in law and I made them last year. I also finished my Halloween blocks in the middle.

Here is a look at the front door. I still don't have a wreath made for outside but at least the inside looks good!

A closer look at my 'BOO' letters.

And a closer look at this creation I made last year. I love these accordian-style circles and they are super easy to make.

Hope you've all had a good week. Mine has been pretty good and tomorrow should be the best day of them all! Temple date with the Boss.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Rough Day

I expected today to go better than it did. We had been staying at my parents' house which meant church wasn't until 10:30am (not our normal 8:00am time). Breakfast went well, the kids watched some Veggie Tales, and we were all happy. And I even had time to curl Petey's hair. She looked absolutely adorable.
A few minutes into church and I knew it was going to be a rough morning. Spidey was acting up and crying and Boss took him into the hall. After a while, I could hear my baby screaming so I went out to check on them. Spidey reached for me and stopped crying as soon as I held him. We went into the mother's lounge and shut the light off and after singing about 10 hymns, Spidey actually fell asleep (Score!).
Of course, he woke up during Sunday School and so I tried to take him in to nursery. When we walked in, I noticed Petey's dress was all wet. Yeah---she peed her pants. I took her into Relief Society with me and she sat on Spidey's blanket.
I thought things had calmed down but then I got a text from Boss saying Spidey had thrown up and they were headed back to my parents'. So Petey and I headed back to my parents' as well.

As you can see by the consuming of foods as soon as we got home, Spidey's stomach was never the problem. We think he just screamed so much that he made himself throw up. {Thanks, Boss, for teaching our kids to love Reddiwhip}

Later in the afternoon, Boss and I headed back to the church for our temple recommend renewal interviews. When we got back to my parents', my dad informed us that Spidey had stuck his hand under the fridge and it got cut on something. No biggie, right?

Wrong. My dad had put a bandaid on it but 3 hours later, the bleeding still hadn't stopped.

Hello, Dermabond.

Poor baby guy wasn't too happy about the Dermabond and was fighting most of the time.

Grandpa put a bandaid on it but Spidey kept bending his finger which wasnt helping the Dermabond stick.

So Grandpa wrapped his whole hand in gause and made sure to wrap his finger so it would stay straight.

Of course, on the drive home, Spidey unwrapped the entire thing. When we got home, I rewrapped it and tied the gause so he couldnt undo it {hopefully}.

And then...Spidey started screaming a while ago in his bed. I went in to check on him and found him with his leg stuck in between the bars of his crib. And he kept saying, "Finger, owie, hurt." We gave him some Tylenol and turned on Toy Story (our lifesaver movie) and he is happy. Now if only he was asleep...

*sigh*

And that's how Suze sees it.

A George Day

A couple days ago, my dad came over to drop off something special for us... ...an old church bench from their ward building. I need to recover it with a vinyl tablecloth so we can use it at our kitchen table but hopefully, I'll get to that soon...because it looks very out of place where it is right now.
Anyway, when my dad came over, he brought my nephew with him. Petey and George are best friends so I asked my dad if we could keep George for a few hours and then take him back. He is such a cutie. I love his big smile.

Of course, the whole time they were there, Petey was trying to convince George that he should dress up like a princess with her. She put this brown hat on him and he didn't seem to mind.

Then, George came out of the playroom with one of her pink slippers on. :)

When we got back to my parents' house, Grandma had a surprise for the kids. She had found two wooden tables with cute benches and gave one to my family and my sister's family. But first before we took them home, she set a picnic on them outside for the kids' lunch. Such a fun Grandma.

We sure love having George over.

And that's how Suze sees it.

When Push Comes to Shove

Today, we were driving in the car and one of my favorite Rascal Flatts songs came on the radio.
"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of.
You might bend til you break
Cause it's all you can take.
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough.
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off.
Then you stand."
I am sometimes broken. And many times, I fall on my knees. But you had better believe that while on my knees, I say a prayer. Every time.
My life is very up and down. I have so many joys and more days than not, I am just plain grateful for my life. The down days have been less. But when they hit, they hit hard.

My sister called yesterday and told me she found out her 'Bun in the Oven' is a girl. That will be the 2nd girl out of 6 grandkids (Petey was the 1st and only granddaughter for 3.5 yrs.). I cried when she told me and I couldn't figure out why I was crying. I am so darn happy that my sister is having a girl. Most of the tears were joyful. I think a few of them were jealousy. We started trying almost the same time as my cute sister and she is halfway done with her pregnancy. But I am so happy for her...and for me. I get to make things for another little baby girl! I promise that is genuine.
I think her having a girl will bring us closer. And she is going to be such a great momma for that little girl. I'm actually quite ecstatic about the whole thing. The icing on the cake would be for me to get pregnant and be able to have a baby girl (or boy...I really just want a healthy baby.) that can be friends with hers!
Right now, all I can do is love the ones I have a little more. And give them ice cream when they ask nicely. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

I was an angry momma

Today, we went to McDonalds. Every once in a while, my friends and I will take all the kids and let them play in the play area there.
We had been there for about an hour when I heard screaming from up in the play place. After a second, I realized it was my son's screams and so I ran and climbed up to him.
When I got to him, I found a 5 yr old boy sitting on top of him, punching/slapping him repeatedly in the face. As soon as the kid saw me, he jumped off of Spidey and went down the slide to his dad. Poor Petey was watching the whole thing and was yelling, "Stop it! Get off of him!" I'm actually glad that she didn't touch the kid because I'm sure he would've just hurt her too.
My poor baby was shaking so bad and when I finally got him down and out of the play place, I realized his mouth was bleeding so I took him to the bathroom to clean him up. I realized in the bathroom that his eye was a bit swollen and the whole side of his face was beet red.
When I got out of the bathroom, my friend, Lindsey, told me the dad didn't speak english (I think he was Chinese) and as flustered as I was, I just wanted to get out of there. When we got home, I sat in a chair and held my baby. He was still shaking and breathing heavy and I was still shaken up from the whole situation.

Davey tried to hold him but he would not leave my arms for over an hour. Poor guy wouldnt even talk to his big sister who was really concerned. He eventually let me put him down and we drove over to Grandma's so I could work with my siblings.

When we got out of the car, silly Spidey was plugging his nose and singing really loud. It was pretty funny and I was glad he seemed happier.

He napped the whole time we were at my parents and when we finally left after dinner, it was raining outside!

As soon as we got into our driveway, I let the kids out to play in the rain. The weather has been much more manageable the past few days because of the clouds and rain.

Look at that happy face.

The kids had a blast chasing each other around the driveway.

Then, we went inside and took a warm bubble bath. As you can see, Spidey's right eye is still red but at least, it isnt really swollen anymore.

Isnt he just so cute? You can also see in this picture that he has two cuts on his lip. Aside from those things, he also has a big scratch on his right cheek and a bruise on the top of his head.

It was an emotional day for this mama. I just wanted to hold my baby in my arms and never let him out of my sight again.

I know how much I've learned from today and what things I might have done differently. I didn't talk to the dad of the kid, assuming he didn't speak any english but when I got home, Boss asked me if the guy ordered food. I realized he had and so Boss thinks he can speak english. Also, I left without telling any worker at McDonalds. Spidey was actually not the first or last kid that we saw the kid hurt. Apparently, since Spidey was small, the kid hurt him more but many other kids were running crying to their parents. I wish I would've told someone at McDonalds so they could've tried talking to the kid or his dad.

I know I could've done it all differently but as my mom told me later today, I focused on my son and the fact that he needed me first. And I'll never regret that.

It's hard being a parent and making decisions on the spot. But I wouldn't trade being a mom for any other job in the world.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Monday Madness (Truly what today has been)

I am not going to stay up too long to blog because I don't feel well. My stomach hurts more by the minute and I'm hoping when I wake up in the morning, it'll be mostly over.
I dont appreciate it, you stupid ovarian cysts! I'm pretty sure one of the cysts burst and from what I remember in high school, it only took a day or two to stop cramping and hurting so much. *here's to hoping*
I just thought I'd leave you with a cute (slightly blurry but still cute) picture of my monkey from Friday's open gym. That bar was 6 ft high and he has giggling when I let him hang there and stepped away to take the picture. He's my monkey, that's for sure. (Though, Petey likes to do the same thing when we go. Did I really get two monkeys?! Please, next kid, be a little more timid.)
Hope you've had a wonderful Monday. I had an exciting day filled with helping my family out and then ending our day by ordering pizza with them (Thanks, mom and dad!). I'd say that's a successful day!

And that's how Suze sees it.

PS: That boy is turning two in less than a month. What the????!!! Boss and I are having so much fun looking at things online to get him. It's one of our favorite things to do---buy birthday and Christmas presents for our kids. I love that it's something we usually do together and equally. Happy birthday shopping!

Hoarders: Maughan Edition

{Disclaimer: As embarrassing as this is to post, my house will NEVER look like that first picture again. Ever ever ever.}
The other day, Boss and I went out on a date and my mom watched the kids. In the middle of our lunch, I proposed to Boss an idea that I thought he would absolutely hate. The kids room is unbearably cramped between the two beds and all of their toys. I asked Boss what he would think of moving them to the master bedroom, since we don't need a lot of space between the two of us.
I also wanted to give Boss a push to sort through a bunch of his old school stuff. And by that, I meant I wanted our room to NOT look like an episode of Hoarders. I know, it's scary. Boss actually had a desk in here but needed it for something else so in that time crunch, he just took all of his school stuff out of the desk and layed it ALL over our floor (and I think that happened 3 months ago). I was getting sick of the mess on his side of the bed...

...and I had a big mess on my side of the bed too. We also hadn't found a place for our food storage and had it stacked up in piles around our room. It was bad.

Boss said he would think about the idea and about thirty minutes after I dropped him off at home, he sent me a picture text with all the kids clothes moved to our nice, big, beautiful closet (Yeah, I miss it) that said, "Let's do it!"

I was so happy that he agreed and that we think alike. If I had gotten the ok from him, I would've started moving stuff immediately too. We are so much alike in that way. :)

So here is one before picture of the kids room. It doesn't do the room justice because Boss had already moved Petey's humongous play kitchen and a couple of other toys into the main room.

For the past two days, our main room looked like this. Has anybody seen my son? I think we lost him during this process. :)

This afternoon, we finally got the kids toys put in their new room, along with their beds (which we had moved the night before).

Can you tell we were tired? Boss fell asleep on Petey's mattress.

In the kid's old bedroom, Petey actually slept in that crib but with the side off (day bed style) and Spidey slept in a pack'n'play. The reason being that two months ago, we planned to buy Petey bunk beds and put Spidey back in the regular crib. It seems that everytime we are ready to buy them, something has come up that we've had to spend the money on instead. "sigh" Someday, she'll have bunk beds but for now, we decided to just put her on the extra crib mattress we had in the garage.

Here are the kids playing with their toys. Now they actually have room to play! (Can you tell our girl is the oldest? Seems like every toy we own is PINK! Spidey is having a birthday next month and I need to get him some more manly toys)

And here is our new room. We are packed tight in it(Seriously, our bed takes up at least 3/4 of the room) but all we do in there is sleep anyway.

There are a few things we still have to put away but we are pretty much there. I went to the store at 10pm last night and bought 8 rubbermaid boxes so Boss could decide what books/papers/etc to keep and what to get rid of. And we filled all 8! But as long as everything is organized and put away, I dont mind if he keeps it.

During our little remodel, Spidey kept us on our toes. That kid is such a busy body! We tried to put him down for a nap today and the next thing I knew, he was laying on the couch watching a movie with Petey. So I tested it out. I put him back in bed, turned off the lights, and watched as he climbed right out of the darn bed! "sigh" Luckily, the crib had a couple more inches to go down and he can no longer get out...for now, that is.

I also walked past the bathroom to see this...Spidey sitting IN the sink, brushing his teeth with his toothbrush and Petey's toothbrush. "sigh"

And if I havent already proved my point, here is my little climber, standing on top of his sister's play kitchen.

What am I gonna do with you, Spidester?!

And that's how Suze sees it.