Ryan and Kaitlin's Wedding

Boss' good friends, Ryan and Kaitlin, got married on Saturday and luck for us, we got to attend!

(By us, I mean the kids and I...Boss was a groomsmen so he was attending either way.)

 The kids did so well waiting patiently for everything to start.

 I brought books and a few toys because I knew we would need them...and we did. :)

 Here is my cute husband walking a bridesmaid down the aisle. He did such a good job and he looked so darn handsome in his tuxedo!

 Kaitlin's dress was definitely a princess dress and she looked gorgeous. The entire ceremony was beautiful, especially when they read their vows. I wish that was something Boss and I could've done at our wedding or maybe our reception. I love the things they said to each other.

 Then, it was on to the reception. I love love love my Spidey!!! He makes the cutest, funniest faces! I'm also glad they found this high chair for us because it saved our lives! He was strapped in. :)

 Besides telling me she was hungry over 100 times, Petey did good at the reception too.

 I let her go out and dance while we were waiting for the wedding party to arrive.

 The wedding party arrived in awesome style! I'm pretty sure it was the "Let's get ready to rumble!" song that you hear at sports games when they announce a team coming out. They announced each individual and they came through the doors dancing. I was SO proud of my reserved husband, who came out dancing and acting goofy, just like the rest of them. :) Then, they all put their hands up high and made a tower so the bride and groom could run through them. Awesome really is the best word to describe this. I was laughing really hard.

 After eating, I let the kids go out and show off their moves on the dance floor. They had a blast dancing together.

 Boss even came over and joined them for a bit. My silly boy wasn't even angry, he just refused to smile because he wanted to be put down to dance some more!

 Spidey kept sneaking over to the wedding party table to hang out with his dad...or maybe it was to jump off of those stairs.

 I love Petey's dance position here. She is so funny and was dancing all night!

Spidey found a kid blowing bubbles and decided that would be his new best friend. The kid would blow bubbles and Spidey would try to pop them all.

It was a super fun amazing crazy night. The end of my night was definitely my least favorite for a couple of reasons, one of them being that we had to leave, but the main reasons being that I made the worst mom mistake in the entire world and have been feeling horrible ever since. But I needed to get the kids in bed. I'm sad I missed all the crazy dancing and fun they all had but mom duties came first so Boss could enjoy his evening with friends.

We had a great time and were so happy for Kaitlin and Ryan! It was the perfect day and everything ran so smoothly!

And that's how Suze sees it.

Health and juicing (kind of)

 My morning started out looking a little bit like this. Fresh fruits, some milk, and a blender make a seriously delicious breakfast.

 Lunch looked about the same. I decided since I didn't have a slew of healthy foods laying around that I'd make another fresh fruit smoothie to eat. I also loaded up on some good ol' H2O.

It was a couple of days ago that a friend sparked something in me that made me want to be a better me! I realized that I am not trying to have a baby right now and NOW is definitely the most opportune time to be getting my body back to better health which will hopefully in turn help us to have a baby in the future. Hence the "diet" (which isn't really a set diet).
With my PCOS, I have a hormonal imbalance and am also at risk for diabetes. I've heard many a person tell me that I need to be on a low carb, super low sugar diet. I've tried a couple of times and miserably failed but this week, I got back in the saddle.
In case you are wondering, I am NOT doing the juicing diet. I am modifying the diet to my specific lifestyle and have decided that two fruit/veggie meals are ok but that dinner is all mine. And by "all mine", I mean I get to chew food before swallowing it. It doesn't mean I will be eating unhealthy foods.

(proof that I actually CAN cook a decent meal!)

If you'd like proof, here was my dinner tonight. I was SO proud!!! Creamy mushroom chicken, baked asparagus with a sprinkle of parmesan cheese, salad, and a hefty load of corn. The main reason my plate is filled with so many vegetables is because neither of my drinks this morning contained any veggies. I plan on changing that and venturing out a little bit tomorrow.

Also, if you were wondering, I joined my nearest rec center today because exercise is also super important when you're trying to lose weight. I convinced my husband to give it to me as an early birthday present (it's only 6 months early...ha!) since the heat is rising in Arizona already. We've had a couple of triple digit days this past week and between that and Boss' new work schedule, I just knew I wouldn't have easy access to exercise. So I started the gym this afternoon (complete with kids club for my littles...which they LOVED) and since I am paying for it, I am obviously going to make sure I get good use out of it!

I am hoping to have success with this new diet/exercise lifestyle. Obviously, I haven't quite stuck to my diets before but at least I'm trying again! Here's to a new me!

And that's how Suze sees it.

"But you've already got a kid"

I was expecting to find a wonderfully written blog post of someone who had secondary infertility, just like myself, this morning when I clicked on the link my sister gave me.
What I found was a wonderfully written blog post of someone who had secondary infertility AND many cruel comments to follow of bitter women who have not been able to have children yet (or ever).
You may read the blog post HERE.
I'd like to talk about/to these women today. While I don't diminish the feelings they have of wanting to be mothers, I cannot sit here and say that I think it is appropriate to diminish the feelings of those of us who have children but want more.
There is still heartache, there is still grief, and there is still pain.
I remember last August, when I was diagnosed with PCOS, I saw a status of a friend on Facebook, complaining that she was miserable and overdue and wanted that darn baby out of her! I remember the anger and hurt I initially felt, as I would've given anything to be pregnant at that time. But it only took me a minute to remember what it felt like to be 13-30 weeks pregnant and vomiting, or sitting on a couch most of the day due to bedrest for 6 weeks, or being 39 weeks pregnant with my son and feeling so huge and uncomfortable and sometimes crying because I could no longer sleep.
Now I know this isn't the same for those of you who have not become mothers yet. But I feel like just because you havent experienced something does not mean you should become offended when someone complains. Their complaint is real. It IS uncomfortable to be pregnant sometimes. It IS hard to be sick or to be on bedrest. And though it is worth it, in those moments of pain or sickness, it is hard to look at the bigger picture. Sometimes you just need to complain a little and then you can get on with your life and feel a little bit happier.
One thing I learned through reading those comments on her blog post is how grateful I am for my wonderful readers. I have never had someone tell me, "You should stop being selfish and be grateful for the two children you already have!" You all know me well enough to know that I am grateful. I love my children so very, very much. I know I am blessed. But that doesnt make infertility any easier. It is still a very real feeling of pain and heartache.
Now, these past few months have been wonderful. My infertility no longer runs my life. My only hope is that those rude commenters could feel the same way. I feel sad for the way they made that blogger feel but I feel even more sad with how they are letting their infertility and their anger run their lives.
Children or no children, there are reasons to be happy for everyone.

This all makes me think of Elder Holland's talk in our most recent LDS General Conference.
"May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those." Talk can be found here.

Certainly this can be taken to heart by those of us who are envious of others for the blessings they have received. My hope is that we can someday have the heart and the strength to be happy for others, even when we are going through major trials in our own lives.

And that's how Suze sees it.

What is Normal?

I needed another infertility post tonight. I'm slowly realizing that this is just our normal. Maybe not forever but for right now. I'm slowly forgetting what it feels like to take a pregnancy test and see a positive sign staring back at me.

It has been good and bad that we've stopped trying to have a baby. The good is that I don't wonder about being pregnant. I don't get my hopes up. I know it isn't going to happen. The bad is that my heart still aches for a baby. It just does. Sometimes I feel like that'll still be happening when I'm old and gray. I just love babies!

Have I ever blogged about the night before my son was born? Probably not, since this blog was started when he was a week or two old. I am grateful for that special night. I am grateful for every event that led up to my son being brought into this world 2.5 years ago. I look back and realize Heavenly Father was preparing me for what we are going through right now. He knew I would miss that feeling.
Spidey was going to be a VBAC. I had my heart set on it. I did NOT want to be a c-section mama. But when we went in to my doctors appointment on October 6th, 2009, we came out accepting my surgery births. We came out accepting that, due to unpreventable circumstances with the way my beautiful body was built, I needed to forever be a c-section mama. We also came out, getting used to the idea that we were going to be the parents of a little boy the next morning.
Many things about those first years with my kids are things I cannot remember but I remember that night so vividly. I remember having a strong impression that I would not be pregnant for a long time after and that no matter how uncomfortable I was, I needed to cherish those feelings of being pregnant. And that is just what I did.
I remember staying up most of that night, trying to memorize his kicks and memorize the way my body felt with a huge belly to carry around. I remember thanking God that I had carried this healthy baby to term and that we would meet him in a few short hours. I remember not taking that night for granted and I will forever be grateful for that.
And look at me now. Life is so different in those 2.5 years and I am smack dab in the middle of my battle to have more children. But I knew this was going to happen. I know that seems like a rough thing to admit but something just told me it was going to be hard this time around. After Spidey was born, I remember stumbling across a couple of different blogs of familis who had two children before enduring any type of infertility and it always seemed odd that their stories were similiar. I wondered why the heck I kept coming across these types of blogs. I now believe it was Heavenly Father's way of saying, "Prepare yourself for this and know that I will bless you, just as I have blessed them." Those families lives looked blessed. I could see it just in the words I was reading on their blogs. It touches me to see the tiny preparations God has put in place for me so that I didn't fall down the mountain last August (the month I was officially diagnosed with PCOS). I may have stumbled off of a rock but I did not lose my footing on the mountain. I am stronger because my Heavenly Father wants me to be. I know I've said it before but I am an unpolished rock, waiting to become shiny and bright. Every trial I face, a little part of me becomes polished and eventually, I will be what He has wanted for me all along. This is just part of the process.
Don't get me wrong, this is not an easy process. But it is a worth it process.

And that's how Suze sees it.

The Monday Brags

What's a Monday without a little bragging? I was a bit behind on posting some of our recent events, hence the two posts in one day.

My son has been the picky eater in our family. He didn't like very many baby foods unless they were straight pureed fruits/vegetables.

Then when he started eating real food, he decided he didn't like breads, pastas, or tortillas. What the what?!

No cheese crisps, PB&J's, or macaroni and cheese.

It was hard to figure out things he would eat but I was determined to not give up on my picky boy. I've heard that when you have a picky eater, just keep introducing the foods they won't eat and sometimes, they'll eventually eat it.

So that's what we've done.

AND. IT. WORKED.

 Proof of some macaroni and cheese being devoured this weekend.

 More proof.

And notice his bowl is full again? No, the pictures aren't out of order. He asked for MORE!

Also, while in Carlsbad a couple months ago, my boy learned to love eating PB&J's. And ever since we came home from Carlsbad, he eats bread almost regularly. Don't you love his messy, messy, messy face in that above picture? He really devoured his PB&J and he actually finished off Petey's that day too. :)

And somewhere in between that time, he has even eaten a part of a cheese crisp (which is a quesadilla for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about). That one is still not his favorite but just the fact that he will eat it if he knows that's what he's getting seems like an accomplishment to me!

It just makes me proud. I feel like I did something right and also that he is growing up and learning to try new things. And mealtime is SO much easier now that he will eat almost everything that the rest of us eat.

And that's how Suze brags.

PS: I swear we don't only eat PB&J's, mac'n'cheese, and cheese crisps. Those are just my go-to foods when I need to make something in a hurry for my kids. And since learning to like those 3 foods mentioned above, he eats many other pastas, tacos, sandwiches, etc. I promise. :)

Motherhood is...

Motherhood is...

-Happiness. It is teaching what happiness means and emulating that happiness so your child will grow up appreciating it. -Puting your children's wants and needs before your own. It is walking around like a giant for 3-6 months, some of that time in extreme discomfort, or laying in a bed only getting up to shower or use the bathroom, just to get your precious child into this world. It is sacrifice.-Exhausting. It is the best possible reason for exhaustion that I have ever experienced. In the almost 4 years I have been a mother, I have experienced exhaustion by the end of almost every day but I wouldn't give it up for anything. -Laughing when you don't feel like laughing. It is brushing off the little things, silly tantrums included, because you know what is more important. It is being a teacher by example and praying that your children recognize your actions. -Doing things you'd rather not do because it is worth the smile on your child's face. For example, fitting into a tiny car for a barrel ride around the pumpkin patch because your son isn't big enough to do it without you. It is worth the smile you see. It is worth the happiness your heart feels.-It is complete admiration for this little human being that you have created. You. Have. Created. Whether your creation comes through your own body or through adoption, YOU created this child. YOU taught them. YOU raised them. And YOU will love them for eternity.

Motherhood is hard. Motherhood is worth it.

And that's how Suze sees it.

A Day in the Life...

...of my super awesome, adorable, fun, and WILD children.

We do allow our children to wrestle under our supervision. It's something they both think is hilarious so why not let them have fun. And if one isn't being fair to the other, we stop it right away.
But you've got to admit...it's pretty hilarious. :)

The Monday Brags

Everybody likes to brag about their children, right?

That isn't just something I do?

Right???

My heart just swells with pride when my children learn something new or accomplish things they've been working to achieve. So why not have a once a week brag day to talk about the two little people that I love most?!

Well, a couple weeks ago, Miss Petey walked over to the computer while I happened to be watching a clip of a little girl doing gymnastics on Youtube. (Yes, I know, random...) She was enthralled and decided she wanted to be just like this girl. And ever since then, she has been determined.

I told our almost 4 year old that she would need to practice at home if she was serious about someday taking gymnastics because it wasn't going to happen right now. So she started working on her splits and trying so so SO hard to do a bridge (all of this with the help of mommy who took gymnastics for a couple years growing up.).

Yesterday, my girl wanted to practice her "gymnastics" and I even let her wear the special pink leotard she has. We take these things seriously around here. :) After realizing that most of Petey's problem with her bridge was that her hands were slipping, I moved her over to the wall so she could practice againt it.

And voila! An almost bridge! She still had work to do because she has a hard time getting her head off the ground and I get worried about her putting all of the pressure on her neck.

Another thing she has been working hard on is having the strength to do a handstand. Her handstand may look anything but perfect but this is the highest I've ever seen her go and I was so proud! She was doing really well!

A bit later, I was in the bathroom doing my hair and Petey yelled for me to come look at her.

And this is what she did! She wasn't even up against the wall! She had practiced all afternoon and my girly was doing a bridge. And though her hair hides it, her head was off the ground the whole time! I may or may not have jumped up and down and screamed for her because I was so proud.

It just makes me proud to have such a determined little girl. Whether she'll get to start gymnastics tomorrow or in ten years, I am proud of her for learning new things on her own at home and working hard to improve them. When that little girl sets her mind to something, she will do it! I love that about her. I just had to throw in this picture of my fashion princess. :) She thought she looked dazzling with 10 clips in her hair. I love how often she makes me smile.

And that's how Suze brags.

Our Fives

Yesterday, Boss and I celebrated 5 years of marriage together. In honor of this joyous occasion, I've decided to list the top 5 reasons of why I am so lucky to be married to this awesome guy.
1. My husband holds the priesthood and honors his priesthood. If my children or I need a blessing, he is available to do it.
2. He is a handyman. If there is something broken, he will figure out a way to fix it.
3. He is a sweet daddy to our children. He plays with them in ways that I don't. He brings joy to them.
4. He sets goals for himself and sticks to them. He is a very motivated person and I'm proud of how hard he works.
5. He loves me through thick and thin. He loves me even when I yell and am "crabby wife". I'm so lucky to have him.

Last night at dinner, we asked each other to think of our favorite thing from each year of our marriage so far. I've decided to share my 5 because these have been some seriously awesome years!

2007: Our wedding was my favorite day from this year. Going through the temple was an amazing experience and choosing to stick with this guy for eternity was the best decision I've ever made.2008: We brought our first child into this world. I couldn't believe how much joy came attached with motherhood and how special this little human being was.2009: We brought our second baby into this world! Again, my heart grew and enveloped this baby in love and admiration. I cannot believe how special these babies are! I am so blessed.2010: I became a stay at home mom. This was one of the hardest and best decisions that we made as a couple. I know my children are better off and so am I because we are home together. 2011: Disneyland! Boss and our kids had never been and it was exciting to go and enjoy time as a family and also let Boss go with the guys and enjoy all the crazy rides that I wouldn't do. That was one of our favorite vacations as a family and we won't ever forget it.

I cannot believe all of the joy these past five years have brought me. I am so lucky to have such an awesome husband. Our life is not perfect but that's what makes it amazing. I really appreciate him and I especially appreciate that he loves me, faults and all. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

How do I?

Entertain my children using only a blanket and some pillows:

Boss is such a fun dad. I love all of the creative things he comes up with when we are all playing together as a family. The other night, he rolled up a blanket and made it into different shapes and would instruct the kids on how they should jump over it.The kids had a blast jumping through many different shapes and letter shapes. Don't you LOVE Petey's hair in this picture? Perfect timing! Spidey, jumping in and out of the square (that both kids insisted was a circle since the corners weren't sharp).

After the kids got over that, we took the blanket and both held it off the floor a couple inches and told them to jump. They are such sillies. In the beginning of the video, Spidey was doing a somersault but jumping up on his head first. Made me laugh every time. He is such a crazy kid.

Then, Boss made some "obstacle courses" using a couple pillows and the blanket. It was really simply but the kids LOVED it!

I love simple but fun nights that I hope we will all remember. My stomach was aching from all the laughing that was happening. It was a great night with my perfect little family.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Petey and the Goose Egg

Oh it was a day today... I took tons of pictures this morning between Petey having a cute new hairstyle and the kids having a blast in the front row at kid's club but those will have to come another time because my little girly needs her own blog post tonight. Isn't she beautiful? I took this picture right before we left for the mall. She looked beautiful in her fancy-ish new hair-do and I wanted to document it. Isn't her forehead just perfect? I only ask that to bring on the next photo...This is my daughter after running into the corner of a wall after getting off the carousel. And yes, she really was running. One of her little friends was chasing her and she turned around to look at him and hit the corner of the wall. At first, I didnt realize her forehead was so huge but a nice mom pointed it out to me and I immediately started "freak out" mode. The carousel worker wanted to call the paramedics, which I refused, and I called my dad and brought her over to him.
Luckily, he said she would be fine as long as she didn't have any concussion symptoms (which she hasn't) so she is just left with a huge goose egg. Also luckily, her goose egg has gone down in size and isn't protruding a half inch off of her face anymore. I took this last picture tonight at dinner. Notice the red line in the middle of the bruise? Her forehead was seriously close to splitting open and I am thanking my lucky stars that it didn't! We really dodged a bullet there because she would've needed stitches.
All in all, this little girl is a fighter. Yes, she cried a lot at first but she has been a good sport the rest of the day and hasn't complained much. I'm sure she had a huge headache but with the help of Motrin, we've got her happy and running around again.

Also, have I mentioned how grateful I am to have a pediatrician dad? Because whenever I'm freaking out about something that's happened to my kids, he always brings me back to reality and lets me know that they will be ok! I guess I'm just a worrier. :)

Sibling Love

There is just something indescribably sweet about seeing two siblings loving each other and getting along.
Just to get one thing straight from the beginning, my kids fight often enough and I'm not trying to show that they are always loving on each other but when they do, it is precious.

My kids refuse to sleep in separate beds. This past week, we made their beds back into bunk beds because we figure they sleep on the same bed every night so why have the extra bed in the way? Honestly, I find it so sweet that they share beds.

I love how different but similiar my children are. Their genders definitely show that they are wired different from one another and yet, they can play together for long periods of time without me even needing to go and mediate. My kids have many of the same likes. They both love the trampoline, chalk, playing pretend (including dress ups...we have a few boy ones), playing "kitchen", watching movies, Play-Doh, coloring, dancing, and wrestling. Those last two are actually family favorites. We all dance and wrestle. :)

Over and over, I go back to the thoughts I originally had when we found out Spidey was a boy. I was a bit sad to not be giving my daughter a sister so close to her same age. I imagined them playing and getting along and as soon as I heard the word "boy", I assumed they wouldn't really get along and play well because their interests would be polar opposites.

I'm happy to say that this just isn't true. While my son loves cars and trucks and my daughter loves baby dolls and princesses, they both take time out of each day to play what the other loves. So yes, my son plays with Barbies and dolls and my daughter plays with trucks and balls...and I love it. It shows that they love each other and care not only about their happiness but seeing their sibling getting to play with something they love.

I wouldn't trade having a boy and a girl for anything in the world. If they end up being my only two children, I'll be sad that we didn't get a big family but I will no longer be sad that they don't get a sibling the same gender as them. These two kids are perfect for each other and I'm grateful Heavenly Father sent me the two that he did, whether they're my first two or my only two.

They are perfect.And that's how Suze sees it.

Little Big Boy

My son is one rockin' dude.I wanted to talk about my special little boy today.
This little boy is smart! And special! And seriously adorable! Spidey has so many new quirk and phrases that are all his own. He pronounces most things correctly, though he mutters all the time, with the exception of certain words; oinse(noise) is my favorite one. He'll say, "Mom, what's that oinse?" and it makes me smile every time.
When Petey was 2.5 years old, she seemed SO old! But my little boy is my baby and he seems so much younger than she was. And yet, I know he grasps concepts so well because he was my potty training champ.
Right now, we are working on our colors and shapes. He knows blue, green, triangles, squares, and circles. I often feel like I'm not teaching him enough but I need to realize how different he is than Petey. They are not the same person and they will not learn things on the same level every time they are taught.
Spidey definitely gets into trouble more than Petey. She may know how to give me attitude like crazy but he will just yell at me. One of his most common phrases right now if he thinks we are arguing or being mean is to say, "Mom, you NOT say that word!"
One of the frustrating things about having that boy potty trained and is that I cannot leave him in the bathroom alone. He can go potty all by himself but I know he will get into trouble if I leave the room. He likes to empty all the toilet paper, play with the toilet water or put his face in it(ew!), or get into the soap and make a big mess. Oh, that child... :) He sure keeps me on my toes.
Although our little boy is quite the mess maker, he sure has a heart and doesn't like to see others hurting. If someone is crying, he will give them kisses and hugs. He likes to play with little babies and help make others happy. I am so blessed to have him as my son.
Last but certainly not least, my boy is the entertainer in our home. He likes to make us laugh and will keep doing silly things to see if it makes us laugh, which it usually does. I took this video of him the other day after a bath. He thinks it's funny when he hits his head and makes funny noises.

Easter Weekend

What an Easter! We had 3 Easter egg hunts and the kids had a wonderful weekend. The first party was our HOA Easter party. Petey and Spidey each got to get 10 eggs and lucky for my little girly, she got a golden egg and got to pick a prize! The prize she picked was a Princess Aurora baby doll. They also had carnival games and both kids got a couple prizes from those fun games.Then we headed to my parents house for our 2nd Easter egg hunt. Unfortunatly, I left my camera at home and have NO pictures but the kids definitely had fun. Then we headed out to Tucson to spend Saturday afternoon through Sunday night with Boss' family. Petey was busy with her Leap pad...(not sure why this picture came up twice. Oops!)...and Spidey was feeding baby Chloe with the "bottle" he found. Spidester had such a fun time playing with the dog in Tucson. He LOVES animals. :)Easter morning, my tired kiddos woke up and we showed them to their baskets, which the Easter bunny had overflowed with presents! :) Then the kids put on their adorable outfits and everybody got ready. My kids LOVE brushing their teeth. Is that weird? It has never been a fight and they are both pretty good at it!Besties. These girls were so cute together all weekend. And thanks to Nana for these beautiful dresses. She made them for all the granddaughters. I loved my kids outfits and had fun "matching without matching". :) I'm sad Miss B didn't make it into any of these pictures but she had a matching dress as well. He is such a keeper! I love this kiddo so much.Unfortunatly, Spidey's asthma has been getting the best of him and he was on treatments a lot this weekend. REALLY unfortunatly, Petey has started needing treatments today. Boo. :(Leezer and Petey had so much fun all afternoon, dancing around and using their imaginations together. And all the adults sat around and played games. We had such a fun weekend and were especially grateful to spend this time with family.

Easter was wonderful and it was great to be able to teach my children the true reason we celebrate Easter. I know Petey grasped it and I'm hoping we can continue to teach Spidey so he knows how important it is as well.

And that's how Suze celebrates.