The worst and best days

Some days are just hard. Once in a while, I'll just have a day where everything seems to go wrong. It's beginning to happen more and more and I've been a bit confused as to why. I think subconciously, I know the anniversary of my infertility mark is creeping up on me. I get sad when I think about it but I also just have to laugh at myself.

I remember when I was sad about not conceiving after 6 months. I remember how devastated I was when we didn't conceive after a whole year. I remember when that 18 month mark hit and I was getting more used to the fact that we may not have any more children. But 2 years? Two years feels like a slap in the face.
Almost everyone that I've related with through this 2 year journey has had a baby or is at least pregnant right now. Almost all of my friends with 2 children my children's ages has a 3rd baby or a 3rd one on the way. Some even have a 4th.
 I've been infertile more than I've been pregnant in our marriage.

Yay me {sarcasm}.

My negativity is really a downer, isn't it? I apologize. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like feeling ungrateful for my blessed life. But I also don't like infertility.
I hate the big decisions I feel like I'm always having to make. Do we use fertility drugs? Do we see a fertility specialist and spend thousands of dollars? Will we get a baby if we do that or will we have wasted money for no end result? Should we save up and adopt? Should I just stop trying at all?
My mind has been racing lately with all of these questions and I wish someone else could make the decisions for me. I've found that the hardest part about being an adult is the decision making. I wish I could hire someone to make the best decisions possible for our family.

So it's been hard. What else is new? Infertility seems to get easier and harder with each passing day. I'm grateful for the dynamic change in my life. I'm thankful that even though things are sometimes hard, infertility doesn't control every second of my life anymore. I'm too busy being a mom to two little people and babysitting two extra little people most days. My house sure doesn't feel empty which I'm extremely grateful for.
I know God has placed specific people in my life to make things a little bit easier on me right now. I know He is a part of my every day. I also know there are times I forget He is there for me. Sometimes when things are the hardest, I have to remind myself why things feel hard in that moment. Usually, it helps me to realize that I haven't talked to my Heavenly Father enough or thought of Him and how He blesses me enough that day.

My favorite thing about being a mother is seeing how much tiny, silly, little things can change my childrens' moods. The tiniest of things can make their day into "The Best Day Everrrrr!". When I watch the video below, I can't help but smile. My children claimed Monday to be the best day ever because I let them ride with the windows rolled down in the car. It amazes me how grateful they are for the little things.
 I could learn a lesson or two from them.

Making Memories

 I love my little family. I love the changes we've made to try and do more as a family, instead of just turning on the tv on weekends and nighttime. It's made a big difference in the kids' attitudes and it's helped us to be better parents.

Saturday was an especially fun day. Petey has been really obsessed with these sunflower seeds she planted a couple of weeks ago. It's been a special thing for her and her daddy to do together. She gets so excited when it's time to water her flowers and we've all loved watching them sprout.
I walked outside on Saturday to see Petey and Boss working together to dig a tree out of our yard. I love seeing Boss teach our kids new things.

 A couple mintes later, Petey ran over because she had something to show me. She had a worm in her hand! Ick.

Since it was warm outside on Saturday and the kids had been good helpers cleaning off the back porch, we decided to let them play in the sprinklers for the first time in 2013. Petey has been asking all winter when it would be time to play in the water again so she was pretty excited.

I was in the middle of taking pictures when the actual sprinkler system turned on. ha! I ran to the sidewalk and turned off the hose and let the kids run around in the wet grass.

Spidey kept drinking the water. Silly boy.

I love making memories. I am so happy for these days with my kids. I feel so lucky that I get to be home with these kids all day. They wear me out but it's worth it.

Carlsbad: Part 4

 Yay for the final part of our Carlsbad trip! We had a week long trip and it's taken me a week to post about it. Not bad.

On Friday, we drove down to San Diego to visit Old Town. My mom grew up in San Diego so we try to go every time we visit Carlsbad.

We stopped at a little Mexican restaraunt in Old Town. Here is a picture of the group minus Karin and her family. They were sitting on the other side of me.

 Aren't I so lucky that I get to have these people with me for eternity?

 There was a guy singing and my kiddos just couldn't help but dance to his music.

 Petey was the best at getting Bug to smile. She could make that kiddo laugh in no time.

After lunch, we walked up and down the streets of Old Town. My mom took half of the group to this house that was believed to be haunted and the rest of us walked up to the Mormon Battalion site.

 Only my sister, Andrea, and my brother, Will, wanted to do the tour this year so the rest of us just hung out at the front of the site. Spidey and K Bear loved that there were rocking chairs just their size.

 Baby Bug slept the whole time. His parents were at the haunted house so I got to take care of him for 30 minutes. :)

The next 3 pictures are SO my husband. Just take a look.

 After the Mormon Battalion, we were done and we headed home to get ready for a date night while my mom watched all of the kids.

We ate dinner at Chart House which was about 20 minutes from our condo. It was right on the beach and though the prices were high, the food made it worth it. We were sitting right by a huge window facing the beach and the sun was setting. I kept thinking it couldn't get any more perfect but then dolphins started popping up out of the water every couple of minutes. It was absolutely magical. I'm not being sarcastic. I could not have imagined a better last night to our trip.

 Saturday morning, it was time to head home. Andrea and I were in one car with all of the kids and we let Boss ride home with Andrea's husband, Jp. Lucky dads.

 We stopped at a gas station because my kids had earned some money from Boss on our way to Carlsbad. They each started with $2 earned, Petey ended up with $2 at the end of the week, Spidey ended up with $1 at the end of the week. Petey chose Cracker Jacks which quite certainly are the perfect treat for her. She loves popcorn, she loves nuts, and she loves sugar.

 Spidey chose a bag of chips and was nice enough to share them with K Bear.

The trip took a bit longer with cranky kids and needing a couple more stops for food and bathrooms. Spidey was in a pull up and had a blow out. It was quite surprising since it's been over 6 months since I've had him have a #2 accident but it was ok. It is all over with now. :)

 When we got home, we were trying to clean out my mom's truck so I put Ellie in the baby swing. I was thinking she would fight it since she's not a newborn but she loved it and stayed there for a long while.

Auntie Andrea was nice enough to drive the kids around in the wheelchair for a while. They had tons of fun.

Though our trip was long and sometimes exhausting, I am so glad to have spent that time making memories with my family. I am so grateful to everyone who helped out with my kids throughout the week and made this trip one to remember.

Carlsbad: Part 3

 I was thinking I'd be able to split up our Carlsbad posts into just 3 parts but my pictures are telling me otherwise. So now you have a Part 4 to look forward to. Yay, you.

Anyway, the day after Legoland, we decided to go to this fun park down the street from the condos.

Even though this picture is a awkward one of my son, it just shows how happy he was to be with cousins. Also, K Bear is 6 weeks younger than him. My kid is small...

 Petey showed us all how she can swing herself in the baby swings. She just stands up in it and rocks back and forth. Also, I am loving the smile in Ellie's face!

 Documentation that George and his family were in Carlsbad with us. This is the only picture I have of anyone in the Taylor family from that day. Sorry, guys.

 Oops, I was mistaken. Mini G is in a picture next to Bug here so that would be another picture of a Taylor. :) I'm thinking the size difference here is going to be kind of like K Bear and Spidey. Bug is actually a week older than Mini G but he's tons smaller.

 As you can see, Petey loves her baby girl cousins. She followed Ellie around most of the park day.

 My parents are pretty darn cool. They were over playing football in the grass while the kids played at the park. Funny enough, there is another Taylor kiddo in this picture so I guess I got more pictures of them than I thought.

Some of my favorite things about the park were actually playing with my kids and not sitting and watching them. I hope to always remember the fun we had that day, playing tag and going down the slides together. Usually when we go to a park, I sit in the grass and my kids play with each other. I was glad that I actually played with them.

Now onto Thursday...another beach day!

It was foggy and chilly that day so Petey wore her coat to the beach. Seriously.

 Spidey braved it and just wore his swimsuit {It really wasn't that cold...}

 Our first beach picture of the day. Is anyone else loving Petey's new swimsuit as much as I do? I think it's adorable.

 It's ridiculously unfair how easily she can tan...

After a while of playing in the sand and enjoying the beautiful day, I asked Petey if she wanted to do some tricks while I took pictures. Since she obliged, there are a lot of pictures of her from that beach day.

 Gearing up for handstands is serious business.

 Ellie loved the sand and ventured out a bit more that day. She is such a cutie.

 Spidey playing in the sand. We didn't want to let the kids get too wet because of how cold it was outside. I knew they'd be miserable if we let them get soaked again.

 My favorite picture of Petey that day. I was proud of her pointed toes. I know I'm hoping she'll grow up loving dancing like I did but if she doesn't, I'll be ok with whatever she chooses to do.

 Straddle jumps. No pointed toes but a pretty darn good straddle. That is one of her favorite things to do at home.

 Can you see why I take so many pictures of her? She poses herself for my camera whenever I pull it out.

 Boss did let the kids get their feet wet right before we left the beach. Nice daddy.

My absolute favorite picture of the day. Silly little Spidey would pull his feet up every time a wave would come so he wouldn't get wet. He is such a funny little kid. Lucky for him, his dad and uncle held his hand tight so he could just pull his feet up whenever he wanted.

Stay tuned for Part 4! Ironically, I wish I was done posting these Carlsbad pictures because I have other posts churning around in my busy mind.

Carlsbad: Part 2 {Legoland}

 One of the main highlights from our trip was our day at Legoland. Petey was so excited and remembered rides from the previous year that she wanted to go on again.

She was being a stinker and wouldn't look at the camera so this was our family photo in front of the Legoland entrance.

We started off with the big boys splitting off to brave the biggest and creepiest rollercoaster at Legoland {which in comparison to most theme parks isn't very scary}.

 They loved it. As a sidenote, my sisters and I braved it a little later on in the morning and I'll never be doing that ride again. I was yelling and scared out of my mind...but I hate rollercoasters in general so...

While the boys were in line for that rollercoaster, we took the kids on some of their favorite rides from the previous year. There is one that goes up and down that Petey loves and luckily, Spidey was tall enough for this year!

Then it was time to go to the ride my kids had talked about for weeks...the "pew pew ride".

 It's an Indiana Jones themed ride and you shoot little targets throughout the ride.

 Can you tell K Bear's smile was forced? He wasn't a fan of the ride.

 Since there was practically no one at Legoland that day {which seemed weird for spring break}, we got to ride it twice in a row. Spidey was super happy. He wasn't tall enough for this ride either last year and was elated that he got to join the 'big kids' and shoot things. What more could a 3 year old boy want?

 This is what the family looked like while we went on the big slide ride. I took Spidey on it so I have no pictures of that but I did get pictures of Petey going down.

 She loved this ride and did it a couple of times.

 Another favorite ride was this horse ride. We lied a little about Petey's age last year since she was 2 months from being 4 years old. The ride requirements are 4 years old and 36 inches tall. Well, this year, the 3 year old boys were both past 36 inches tall so it's possible that we lied about their age this time. SHHH!!!

 As you can see, both of my kids loved it and this was a ride we repeated a couple of times as well.

 I got some pictures of Andrea and K Bear being silly while we were in line for the big boat ride that rocks back and forth and spins in circles.

 Petey's turn to be silly with Auntie Andrea.

 Funny thing, Spidey wasn't trying to be silly for this picture. He is just going through a funky smile phase right now.

 Here are some of the family ready for the boat ride to start. That ride is definitely a one time experience for me. I got dizzy with all of the spinning and rocking.

 Next, we got to drive these little boats through a path. It was actually kind of tricky since you're really steering and pushing on the gas. Luckily, I didn't run into any walls. :)

 This is the best picture I got of Petey during the boat ride. She said the sun was too bright that day for a picture. :)

 This is Petey's scared face, apparently. I told her to act scared because she was in the mouth of a shark.

 Waiting in line for the airplane ride...

 Here we go!

 I have to brag and say that compared to most of the kids driving these bumper cars, my kids were doing really well steering and not running into each other.

 Spidey was loving this ride that goes over the water. You can pedal but it actually doesn't affect how fast or slow your car moves.

 Hi, Will and Chris!

 Hi, Grandpa and Candace!

 Hi, Daddy and Petey!

 Hi, Jp, Andrea and K Bear!

 Uncle Chris was nice enough to take Will on this ride where you pull yourself up high and then let yourself drop back down.

 They made it to the top a couple of times.

 Next was Petey and Boss' turn.

 They made it to the top as well and Petey would giggle every time it dropped back down.

 The story time boat ride was fun. They told different stories throughout the ride from The 3 Little Pigs to Little Red Riding Hood.

 This was the first ride Ellie went on since she slept most of the morning and wasn't tall enough for most of the rides anyway.

 This was also Bug's first ride ever! Looks like he had a fun time on his boat ride with his mom and dad.

 Poor Grandma had planned to ride with Bug and his parents but found out only 2 adults were allowed per boat so she ended up on a boat by herself for that ride.

Spidey loved this car ride and would turn his wheel the correct direction every time we would turn. He is going to be a good driver someday. :)

Some of my favorite things about Legoland that weren't pictured:
- Both of my kids got to experience their first real rollercoaster. Petey was tall enough for almost every ride, including this dragon rollercoaster that was a bit scary for ME! I was worried about letting her on it, with thoughts running through my head of her falling out because she's so little, but Boss held her tight and she LOVED it!
-Spidey actually got to go on this dinosaur rollercoaster that wasn't as big as the dragon one but was still a pretty legit rollercoaster. As you could've guessed, he loved it as well. We rode that dino rollercoaster probably 10 times with the kids. I guess they take after their dad and have more of a thrill side to them. That is definitely NOT from my side of the family.
- My parents bought some tickets for the aquarium so people could choose whether they wanted to take a couple of hours there or stay in Legoland. We chose to stay but my dad took Petey to the aquarium. It was so much fun having Spidey with Boss and I. We were able to do whatever he wanted and spend time focused on him. Since he's our second child, he doesn't get that one on one time often and I loved being able to do that with him.

Legoland was a blast. It was 100 times for fun than last year. Last year, Spidey was literally tall enough for the baby rides and he would cry when he wasn't tall enough for a ride. It was miserable, Even Petey last year was barely tall enough for the little kid rides. This was definitely the perfect year for them to start enjoying it. I am so thankful my parents are willing to spend the money and effort to give my kids these special memories. Carlsbad is becoming such a fun tradition and I hope my kids grow up remembering these special things they've gotten to do. They sure are lucky kiddos.