School Is Hard, Prayer Is Real

School was so much fun the very first semester. Not only was I blowing through my classes with awesome grades (and seriously, I had just become a single mom a week after school started so this was HUGE), I was making new friends and loving my new life outside of "mom life". It was a great time.

So I signed up for my next semester, ready to tackle the new challenges I'd face---but really, I wasn't ready. I was struggling with my worth, my testimony, single parenting, filing the final divorce papers, trying to figure out my schedule, getting my kids to school/babysitter on time, and my math class started to kick my butt a week into school.

I remember signing in to my online math class and just staring at the page crying for ten minutes. I was only a week into the class but I already felt like I wouldn't be able to make it through this class. I worried about what dropping the class or getting a bad grade would mean for my financial aid since that is a huge part of why I'm able to go to school right now. I went to the tutoring center and tried to bring my grade up. It would dip lower and lower with every bad grade I would receive on homework and quizzes. My amazing friend tried to help and spent many hours on the phone with me {she lives in Utah} trying to help me understand everything better.

But I ended up failing the class. And by failing, I mean I seriously got a LOW failing grade. I was really discouraged. I planned to sign up for summer classes but I just couldn't do it. I also usually sign up for the next semester of classes right after I finish finals but I put it off for over a month because I was so bummed about that one stupid grade.

I started doubting whether I could really do this. If my second semester in community college is so hard, am I really going to be able to get a masters degree at a university someday? Everything just seemed so far out of reach and many times, I've considered dropping out and just finding a full time job that pays well enough to support my kids.

But every time I think about getting a job and dropping out of school, I think about our future and my dreams and the reasons I am in school right now. A lot of times in my life, I have found that really hard challenges teach me the most and I'm hoping school will do the same for me. I've never felt like I was a very smart person and school is a really scary choice for me but I am trying to push forward.

I have been praying for two months that my failing grade would not take my financial aid away. I promised Heavenly Father I would do better and I prayed that He would make this possible for me to continue in school. When I signed in to my Maricopa student center today, one of the first things I noticed was my grades and under it, the words "In Good Standing".

I believe in answered prayers. I believe that God knows me and my heart and that He will help me in this journey I've decided to take on. This isn't the easy way but I believe it'll be worth it.

I never did sign up for summer classes because I needed to break to remind myself why I am doing what I'm doing. This is all for our family, not just for me. I still have two months before my next semester starts up and I am so thankful for this time with my kids before life gets undeniably crazy again. Also, I'm thankful to my mom and sisters and friends who are always willing to help me with kids when I'm in class or needing time for homework. I have such incredible support in my life and I really am grateful for that.