Kindergarten: Round Two

 If there's one thing I've learned it's that divorce has made me a more protective mother.

Because I was there in the middle of the night, stroking the hair of a crying child who missed their dad. I was there when the confidence level shifted and there was worrying about stability and abandonment.

I watched it all.

And I have to tell you, over these past few years, my children have been some of the most incredible warriors I've ever seen. They've taught me so much about bravery.
I mean, I'm the adult and I haven't handled the past few years as eloquently as I could have but these kids? They've been amazing, all things considered.

Tonight I want to focus on my little man. I've had thoughts of this post in my head for about a month now but I wasn't sure if I could explain it or get through it without crying or breaking down---because my little man is so amazing. So so amazing.

From the time he was young, I knew he was sent here for a reason. I know, I know, we could each say that about each individual child but there was something different when Ninja was born.

I was protective of this boy. I remembering breaking down when he was a week old because we had visitors over and I hadn't held my boy in over 20 minutes. As I cried and the visitor kindly handed him back, I kept thinking, "What the heck is wrong with me? How could I miss a baby that was sitting right next to me in someone else's arms?"

I seriously thought I was crazy.

It's a little funny to me that I am so attached to this boy. He gives me a run for my money. He was our poop painter, our permanent marker wall artist, and he has a hard time not getting too aggressive with other kids when he's playing.
His listening skills aren't great---they're almost non-existent---but we've always been close.

When his dad left, I was so scared for this kid. I was afraid of what divorce would do to his little heart. He was only 3 when we separated.

And over the past two years, I've watched some significant changes in him and some of them have been messy.

I was scared about Kindergarten. I was seriously so so so so scared. I don't want my son to be labeled a 'problem' because he can't sit still or because sometimes he still has daytime accidents. I was worried about him because he isn't a big fan of academic work and he would much rather watch tv or play video games---both of which I try to limit in our home.

Leading up to the first day of Kindergarten, I was worried about whether his teacher would care about him and be able to help him in the best possible way---and I wasn't sure.
I wasn't sure because I don't believe anyone can be the kind of mother that I am for Ninja.

Sidenote: The irony?

Many times over the past year, I have argued with my therapist that I'm not an outstanding mother and that many women could do a better job than me. Each and every time, she would shake her head and disagree---firmly. And leading up to the start of Kindergarten, somehow I can see it now.

I can see how I am the best mother for this boy. It isn't a perfect job but it is what Ninja needs from me right now.


I was still worried on the first day of school. He looked so adorable and our morning was so positive so I made sure to keep my worries to myself so they wouldn't show. As I dropped him off, I felt ok about leaving him with his teacher and I smiled as I got in my car and started my drive to work.

But when I got on the freeway, I was a mess. Tears started to stream down my face and I realized these tears weren't about my fears for Kindergarten but somehow, I hadn't even thought about the fact that it is HARD to accept that my BABY is in school full day.

Because in my perfect world, I would be a stay-at-home mom right now with two or three more children running around this house. In a perfect world, I didn't plan on Ninja being my baby and I certainly didn't plan on ALL of my children being in school full time this soon.

I called my mom and she talked to me the whole way to work. I'm grateful she answered her phone that morning because I needed her to tell me this is all going to be ok.

You'd think this was the end, that our "Starting Kindergarten" story is over but it isn't quite wrapped up yet.

I had picked Ninja's particular school for two reasons: the full day schedule and the curriculum. The bus came and picked him up right at our neighborhood school and it seemed perfect.

And it was perfect---until he got home from school at 4:30 on the first day. Or when he got home at 4:45 on the fourth day.

I started to panic a few days ago when I realized this schedule wasn't working. I didn't want him gone so late and he wasn't doing well in the evenings after sitting on a hot bus for an hour after school every day.

So yesterday, I made the decision to switch him over to our neighborhood school. I called them, set it all up, and went in to sign him up this morning.

He even went with me to take a peek at his new-new school.

I am hoping that tomorrow goes well and that Ninja has another great first day of Kindergarten.
He is excited and I can tell he's a little nervous but I feel so much peace when I think about him being so much closer to me and to our home.

I'm still worried---I don't think that'll ever end---but at least I feel much more at ease.

Parenting is hard. Parenting school-aged children is hard. Parenting children of divorce seems extra hard. But we can do hard things.

In fact, we do hard things. Every single day.

I'm proud of this brave warrior that I get to call my son. He is so special and I feel so lucky to be able to raise him and watch him grow.

Kindergarten Graduation

 It was touch and go there for a minute but she did it!!! She graduated from Kindergarten!
(I hope you sense my sarcasm...it was never actually touch and go...she did amazing this year!)

Kindergarten graduation was adorable and I am so grateful for Petey's teacher! She has really been helpful when I've not been able to be the best mom to my little girl.
Going through a divorce the year your oldest kiddo starts kindergarten was tough on all of us and Mrs. Maynard was incredibly patient when we've missed homework or other things. She really has been such a blessing for our family this year.

I cannot believe this means my girl is on her way to FIRST GRADE!!!
***The medal she is wearing in those pictures is because she got Principal's Pride or Honor Roll on every report card (Never got lower than a B and some of the report cards, she got all A's).

I love you, Petey!!!!!

Loud and Proud

 Not only has it been a month since I've blogged, am I really going to post two blog posts within 15 minutes of each other? Well, since my online math homework is on the fritz, I think I'll just get a blog post out of the way before bed. As I said in the last post, sleep really is overrated, right?

I'm proud of my Petey. Can you tell? She is working soooo hard on her dance moves and continues to amaze me with her achievements. She loves dance and is a completely different kid in there this year. She focuses and remembers what she learns and she's always excited to practice for me at home. She can't wait to get her pom poms and do her first parade in October. Honestly, I can't wait either. :)

Also, she is loving school. She has learned so much in her first 6 weeks and even though she doesn't necessarily love homework, she does it with a good attitude {usually} and can do most of it on her own now. I took a picture of her every day for her first 2 weeks of school...

 Also, I wanted to show off some of my hair skillz. I have been trying to get creative and practicing my french braiding because Petey loves her hair braided.

 I've done two braids back a couple of times.

 I love the dutch braid around into a side pony tail.

And sometimes, I just do a french twist when we don't have enough time but she requests a braid. She is happy either way.

School has been amazing for Petey. She had to get up in front of the class this week and recite an entire poem, which wasn't actually a poem but the school's mission statement, and even though she normally wouldn't do something like that, she was brave and said every single word and got 100%! Here is the mission statement if you're wondering what she recited:
"Legacy Traditional Schools' mission is to provide motivated students with the opportunity to achieve academic excellence in an accelerated, back to basics, safe learning environment, taught by caring, knowledgable, and highly effective educators in cooperation with supportive, involved parents."

I was beaming when she recited the whole thing perfectly. There were some pretty big words in there and she did it all by herself without skipping a beat! I'm not allowed to put the video online since other kids in her class are pictured sitting at their desks but take my word for it...she was amazing!

Hopefully, I can find a balance of school work, mommy life, and blogging but if I can't, I guess I'll see ya next month! ;)

Her First Day of Kindergarten

 Well, she did it. Peteyy survived her first day of school and she even survived the second day too! Since I am the momarazzi, I took a million pictures so let's just get started, shall we?

Petey was so good at getting herself dressed and ready for the first day of school. I let her pick out which uniform she wanted to wear and she said, "I just want to wear whatever E is wearing!" E is her best friend and goes to school with her. So E's mom and I coordinated their outfits.

 I decided our tradition will be having our kids write their names on the "1st day of school" paper they hold up. It'll be fun to see how their handwriting changes over the years.

 She was super excited all morning and I'm glad we got ready a little earlier than she needed because we had time for these pictures.

 I have a hard time believing she's old enough to be in school but it's true.

 Grandma got her the Tinkerbell lunchbox and backpack and she loves it so much.

 Once we got to the school, she got a bit nervous when she saw all of the people.

 As long as her buddy was with her, she did just fine and even played on the playground for a little bit.

 These kiddos are our carpool buddies. They are all in our ward and I love that Petey goes to school with some of her best friends.

 Petey and her bestie. They loved matching and since we had dessert at their house tonight, we even coordinated their outfits for tomorrow. Petey loves that she can match E most days. The plus side of uniforms. :)

I'd like to say that her smile stayed the whole time but as soon as it was time to line up, my girl melted in my arms and started crying.

 I felt so bad but I know it doesn't help to give too much attention when she's gets that way so instead, I assured her she would have a great day and I said goodbye. It was hard to walk away when she looked so scared.

Spidey and I hid by a brick wall and I snapped a picture of Petey in line with her class one last time. Can you spot her? She still looked sad but the crying had stopped.

I was a little nervouus for her but since I know her personality, I could almost guarantee she was having fun with her class. She gets super nervous for new adventures but usually ends up loving them.

Fortunatly, I was right. She came home and was excited to tell me everything she could remember about the first day. She was happy when I told her she would be going back the next day and she loved school on Friday too. She seems to have learned a lot of obedience at school already and I'm excited for the rest of the year.

One thing that really surprised me was when she came home on Friday and told me she had raised her hand and gave the teacher the date. Usually, it takes weeks for Petey to warm up to someone enough to willingly talk so I was surprised she is already raising her hand and answering questions. I'm so proud of my big, smart, independent daughter. School is going to be so good for her.

Meeting Her Teacher

We met her teach tonight right before dance class. I got to see her classroom and imagine her being in there, learning and playing.
She sits in the very back middle seat, which I'm hoping they'll change since she's so tiny and since I keep procrastinating that dang eye doctor appointment I was supposed to make her.
When I told her it was time to leave the school, she said she didn't want to go. When I asked her why, she said, "Because I like my very own desk." I hope she feels the same way on Thursday.

It's almost time to check another thing off of the no-longer-a-baby list. Even though she'll only be gone 3 hours a day, that is a total of 15 hours a week she is out of my care. For years, I've been talking about this day. I would say, "I can't believe it's only two years, a year, 6 months til she goes to kindergarten." Now, I can't believe it's only 1 DAY until she starts kindergarten. When did she get so big?
I'm excited for the new things she'll learn. I'm excited for her to be brave and make new friends. I'm hoping it isn't too long before she breaks out of her painfully shy shell that usually covers her up around people she's just met. School is going to be really good for her.
It's just hard to think that come Thursday, she'll be a student for the next 13+ years. I don't get those baby years back. She's just going to keep growing up.

I hope you're excited to see the pictures from her first day. She has already picked out the specific uniform she will wear and everything is packed in her backpack. We are ready for this next adventure.