Our Imperfect Perfections

I used to cling to the fact that someone understood my pain when I was in the midst of my infertility trials. I used to imagine Christ suffering for my pain in Gethsemane and it helped me to feel a little less alone. I felt like my situation was so uncommon; two kids conceived quite easily and then a diagnosis of secondary infertility. I felt like no one could understand my pain because it just didn't make sense to anyone. But Christ knows.

Christ wouldn't want us to compare our imperfections to the things talked about on Father's Day or Mother's Day. He would want us to recognize our own personal strengths and celebrate them. Our weaknesses are different and everyone has them. Even though we are weak, we can be amazing human beings. Christ wouldn't want us to feel anything less than amazing.

Those of us with hard marriages (or ended marriages) may have a hard time feeling amazing on these days. We may question why we married an addict or a liar or a man who doesn't treat us right when it seems like everyone around us is living the life we wish we had but I will let you in on my theory of this. I feel like admitting that we struggle is the first step in becoming more of a loving community and world. (I know, I dream big.) Admitting we aren't perfect but that we each have our own uniquely good qualities is a step in the right direction.

I had a discouraged friend today. My friend is married to a man with a pornography addiction. He is a good man. He has an addiction. His addiction doesn't make him a bad man or father. Anyway, in church today, the speaker said these words from the pulpit, "A remarkable man respects women enough to stay away from porn." Dagger-to-heart. I can understand that the speaker was trying to make a point about righteous fathers and the choices they make but the problem is that even righteous fathers struggle! And guess what? Some of them struggle with pornography or sex addiction or alcohol or drugs. Gasp! Good men aren't perfect men.
I have a feeling a lot of fathers left that sacrament meeting feeling discouraged because they were not considered remarkable and I hate that. I hate that sometimes Father's Day or Mother's Day is a day where we list all of the things we should be doing as women and men and instead of finding the things we are personally good at, we start to feel discouraged because we feel like we aren't enough.

I've been thinking about this a lot today as my Facebook feed has blown up with posts about everyone and their wonderful husbands and fathers. I've been thinking about my friends who can't see the greatness in their husbands or fathers because of addiction or other painful circumstances. I feel their hurt. Sacrament meeting was hard for me too. It was hard to hear about the qualities of a righteous father. It was hard to hear wives doting on the amazingness that is their husbands. Because we all deserve that---but we don't all receive it.

But even if it hurt something inside of me, I wouldn't want them to stop. Fatherhood is so incredible and fathers are so important. And it makes me happy that so many people I know have incredible husbands and fathers. That is wonderful!!!

Being on the other side of things makes me more sensitive to the people around me on days such as Mother's Day and Father's Day. I've learned that this year. I've learned how hard these particular days can be for people. I've heard stories of people leaving church feeling discouraged because they just can't measure up to the things that are spoken of on Mother's and Father's Day. I wish I could ease their pain. I wish I could show them that there is hope and happiness ahead. But I can't and you can't. We each have to find these things for ourselves.

But tonight, I hope you know that despite your individual circumstances and your feelings about today, Christ knows you. He knows your pain and He knows your happiness. He knows your heart. You are never alone. He suffered for you and I. It takes an incredible amount of love for someone to do that for each and every one of their brothers and sisters and He did it---because He loves you.

Happy Father's Day

I used to think that Father's Day was a bit silly.

Not that fathers don't deserve recognition but I just always thought it was funny that on fathers day, the fathers wouldn't have to cook or clean or change diapers, etc.

In my mind, most fathers didnt do that anyway. And that doesn't make them bad. But in most traditional families, mothers do the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids and fathers go out and provide for the family.

But I still loved Father's Day. I loved getting up and making my dad breakfast in bed and making him homemade cards and coupon books for free foot/back massages and also free smiles and hugs. My dad always loved our coupon books and made sure to use them throughout the year.

Then, soon after getting married and having our first child, it was Mother's Day that started to seem silly...because I was the one who didn't normally cook and Boss was a full time stay at home daddy.

Those first Mother's Days were still special but I didn't relax much more than any other Sunday because normally, my husband was the one not relaxing anyway.

And now that I stay home with our babies and raise them while my husband works, he still cooks on Sundays and is always helping me clean and take care of the kids.

So Father's Day has become a day that I try to make special. I don't want him getting up and helping make the meals on Father's Day and I try to make sure I'm getting the kids ready all by myself.

(It probably would've been nice to have the house clean for him this Father's Day but...that didn't happen.)

I try to show him in these little ways how much I appreciate all of the hard work he does.

 My husband is always helping somebody. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I love his willingness to serve and I often feel bad for not being a better homemaker to make his life easier (I'm working on it.). So Father's Day is definitely HIS day. It is the one day of the year I don't let him help me with things! It is the one day of the year I suggest he naps as long as possible in the afternoon.

But even though Father's Day is the day we recognize how awesome our dads and husbands are, I hope we all recognize them and show them how grateful we are for them every day. I hope they know how special they are. There is no way I could replicate what my husband does for our children. He teaches them so much that I am not capable of teaching them. Together, we make a great team and hopefully our kids will recognize that when they grow up and appreciate how wonderful their dad is.

And that's how Suze sees it.

#1 Dad

This is Boss' third year celebrating Father's Day. He really does deserve an awesome day but I think Ill have to postpone that since I still cant do everything for the kids (Remember, pain meds = loopy Suze).
I feel so lucky to have such an awesome man in my life. He can be such a kid sometimes and he is perfect for our kids. He loves making our kids laugh. One of Petey's favorite things is to have him spray her with the hose on the trampoline. It's so cute to see her light up when he goes out there to be with her.
He is always willing to do things for our kids, even if it's share his yummy hamburger with his hungry little boy {who had already eaten dinner}.

I was going back through pictures to find some cute ones of him for this post and I realized there are so many things that we go and do without him. I know it bothers him that he misses out on every day life here at home but I am so grateful that he is willing to work hard and continue with school...even when sometimes, it just plain sucks.

Boss has always been a hard worker. For the last 3-4 days, he has been sanding down our kitchen table and putting a beautiful, dark brown finish on it for me. I didnt like the color of the table so he just went ahead and got to work making it into something I would like. He is always doing things like that for me. I am so grateful that he is a handy man and saves us money by learning to do so many things on his own.

I am so very grateful for so many wonderful fathers in my life. What a truly special day we are able to celebrate tomorrow.

And that's how Suze sees it.