Being Kind in an Unkind World

It's been a week full of beautiful weather and late nights pondering my purpose on this earth. 

Nights where I lay in bed staring at the dark walls around me and smile at the amount of gratitude I have for this life, my life. 

People are worried about me---which is probably always going to be true because when you love someone, you want the best for them and so you worry sometimes. 

Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's hard to believe, given the circumstances and the trials, that I am truly happy right now. I know that many of you have seen me at my worst but I believe, in a way, that all of those dark moments were helping me to heal. 

Going through a divorce hardened me for a while. I was much less emotional and I had a hard time crying. It was weird because it was a foreign struggle for me. Really? Struggling to cry? It just seemed kind of weird and even a little bit stupid. 

But lately, I've been able to allow myself a little more vulnerability with my emotions and it just feels healthy and freeing. 

I feel a lot more like me. 

And feeling a lot more like me means that my sensitivity for others is overflowing. 

Overflowing!

I know it's a good thing---I like that I am sensitive---but sometimes it is so emotionally exhausting that I vow to never sign on to Facebook again because the posts are too painful and often confusing to read. 

Obviously, this vow is broken each time, usually within minutes, because part of my unwinding at the end of my day includes a little {or a lot} of Facebook reading. 

I remember when Ferguson was all over the news and I didn't quite understand what was happening. I had friends who were standing up for the police and other friends who were standing up for the community members of Ferguson. Each post seemed to contradict the next but each post seemed to have something in common---a pleading for others to UNDERSTAND the pain on their side. 

As I was reading, I wanted to connect all of these opinionated articles and posts and show everyone that they were fighting for the same thing---for love, unity, equality, compassion. 

They wanted their loved ones and people of their same gender/race/religion to be accepted AS IS. 

After Ferguson (and honestly, before Ferguson), it didn't end. It seems that weekly, sometimes daily, there is a story I see posted on Facebook about conflicts that have risen and been pinned to a person's gender/race/religion/sexual orientation. 

And I want to fight with you---with all of you---to protect the people you love so dearly. I want to hear your side and listen intently as you tell your story of why you believe what you do. 

I want to hear about your daughter who is biracial and your fears about her being accepted when it seems that racial profiling is so prevalent in the media. 

I want to hear about how your husband is a police officer and you fear him being killed as he tries to protect our citizens. 

I want to hear about your son who is homosexual and your fears about him being accepted and loved by his peers. 

I want to hear about the abuse you have endured and how you fight for women's rights because your voice was stifled when you were younger. 

Because each one of your stories are real. Each one is fighting for love in it's own way. 

But, you guys, I want so badly to live in a world where we are fighting together. 

I want to live in a world where unity means we love no matter what---we love because we are all human beings and we are all worthy of acceptance and equality. 

I want us all to take a step back---think about the things you are posting online. Think about the people on the other side and try to see it from their perspective. 

I know you're hurting---but so are they. 

As I laid down in my bed last night and my head was spinning from the conflict surrounding some religious decisions that have confused me so much this week, I wanted so badly to connect people, to remind them to look at the situation through the eyes of the other side. 

People have every right to be hurt.

And people have every right to stand up for their religious beliefs. 

Both of these emotions and opinions and actions are valid and real. Each means something so sacred to the person who believes them. Each is intertwined with heaps of love for that person's people and for their beliefs. 

I'm sure there are so many things that I do in my life that people wouldn't agree with or understand. But honestly, this has nothing to do with how I'm living my life---it just has to do with the fact that I am living a life. 

Because no matter what we do, there will be people who see things differently. 

And that is ok. 

In many cases, it is beautiful. 

We can learn so much from people who see things differently than us. 

And for me, that is what this life is all about. 

It is about honoring my own beliefs, as different as they might be from yours. 

It is about loving you regardless and practicing that love and acceptance the same way Christ showed us when He was on this earth. 

It is about learning from you and you learning from me. 

It is about compassion and empathy for others and validating their pain even if we don't understand it---because even if we don't understand it, that doesn't make it any less real. 

Life is so much more than taking sides and fighting against each other. There is so much more we can do with our opinions and beliefs. 

There is so much we can teach when we start with love and compassion. 

I'm ok with living a life that's different than yours. 

I want you to be happy, to be proud of the life you are building. And if you are, I will stand behind you. And if you're not, I will be here to help you change in whatever way you'd like. 

Your feelings are valid---just as mine are---and my hope is that someday we can all fight on the same side.

To love each other more. 

To learn from each other more. 

To help each other more. 

The Power of Letting Go

Remember that overused song, "Let It Go"?

Oh, you do?

 

Yeah, me too.

 

I kind of wish that song wasn't overdone on every Youtube channel and Facebook page and meme on Pinterest because I actually really love it.

 

When I sing it around the house, I belt it as loud as I can.

Because I know.

I know what the power of letting go can do for a person.

I have been the recipient of some pretty painful experiences brought on by the choices of others and although it hasn't been easy, I have seen the power of letting go of anger and turning that into empathy.

And I don't use the word power lightly.

 

When you are able to let go of the anger you have toward another person, you start to see them as a person who has faults, just like you and I. You start to recognize that the hurt they have caused is probably due to a more deep rooted problem and wasn't specifically directed at you.

 

I know for me, the person who has hurt me the most is a person I can relate to now. I understand him. I see the choices he has made and I could've been the one to make those same choices if I had been in his situation. I understand the fear of losing everyone you love. I understand the fear of shame and judgement. I get it.

 

I hate that I get it.

 

I hate that he felt that way.

 

I hate that so many people endure these same fears on a daily basis.

 

The second I let go of my anger, it became clear why this past year played out the way that it did.

I still don't love it. And I still wish I could've done something to change it.

But it wasn't mine to change.

 

The only thing I can do now is try to understand the situation and have empathy for everyone who was involved---and for me, that includes my ex-husband.

It includes the heartache my children have faced.

And it includes having empathy for myself.

 

When I make a wrong choice or I say something really stupid, I am going to try and have empathy for this imperfect person that I am.

She needs my love.

She needs my empathy more than anyone else in the world.

 

The hardest person for me to love is the person typing up this post. It is hard to look past every imperfection and see what other people can see. It is hard to process the thoughts in my head and realize they don't make me a bad person.

 

The power of letting go has allowed me to show empathy to the people around me who have hurt me.

 

When I let go, I am unstoppable---which is ironic since I have an eating disorder and OCD, two places where letting go is ESPECIALLY hard and where I feel like I'm in control. But the reality is that letting go means letting go of the reins and saying, "God, I may not understand all of this but I'm going to trust you anyway."

 

"Let the storm rage on. The cold never bothered me anyway."

 

I have seen the middle of some pretty dark storms but with the help of my Heavenly Father, I have been able to endure them and find empathy for the creators of those storms.

 

{Warriors don't give up.}

Let It Go

Help! I've jumped on a bandwagon and I can't seem to find my way off!

What bandwagon, you say?

Well, the Frozen bandwagon!

We saw the movie on my Christmas Eve with the kids last December. I cannot even begin to describe to you how magical it made our evening but trust me---it was magical.

Two minutes into the movie, I knew we were in for a treat. I knew I was going to love it because the music was already knocking my socks off.

Weeks after seeing it, I started seeing posts circulating on Facebook about hidden agendas in Frozen and why this movie was harmful for our children. Of course, I like to march to my own beat so I refused to click on these links but eventually, after a phone call with my sister, I gave in and read ONE article about the movie and it was then and there that I stopped.

You see, we all know that person who reads way further into anything than they should. We know that person who analyzes everything and even starts to make up a few "facts" out of their own opinions.

The movie, Frozen, is not about homosexual people---and if you'd like to watch it that way, more power to ya. But it's not. When I first stumbled upon a blog claiming this was the case, I was a little bummed because the song "Let It Go" has been sung around our house daily for weeks and let's be honest, most of those jam sessions were when I was alone.

I look at Elsa and I see myself. I see a scared little girl who doesn't know how to let go, who is afraid she'll hurt someone in the process. I see a girl who wonders when things will get better and if she'll ever feel free. And I imagine that girl letting go and becoming who she was meant to be. I see her blossoming and being strengthened and having the confidence to master anything she wants. She can build castles, she can move mountains, and certainly, she can be truly happy.

She's afraid if she lets them in, they'll see her imperfections. But she lets go anyway because there's no stopping her now. She's got this! Those fears that once controlled her no longer have to. She gets to see what she is made of and the divine power she has within her. She gets to be free to choose for herself what she is going to make of this thing she calls life.

So she lets go. And she lets Him in.

Together with God, she realizes how much power she has. She sees what she can create with Him by her side. She understands that the control she so desperately searches for is right in front of her. She may not be able to control who stays and who goes in her life. She may not be able to control if it rains or if the sun shines. But she can control who she is and who she will become. She has so much control over what her life is because He gave her the agency to choose.

That song is my life. I'm holding on so tight because I'm scared. I want to control everything around me because I often feel so out of control. But eventually, I'll learn to fully let go and trust Him.

Someday, it'll seem much more simple and I'll be able to let it go.

And in the meantime, I'll continue to sing about building snowmen and letting go with my two favorite people.