The Itch I can't Scratch

I've been getting that itch again. It's actually been a couple of months since the last one {thankfully} but it's back and strong.

I'm happy that for now, it's just called an itch. I can remember a year ago when it was the biggest trial of my life. I can still feel that same heartache like it was yesterday. I can still remember trying to explain to you last December how it felt those first few weeks.

I am scared about that itch. It scares me to get my hopes up really high because I know all too well how it feels to have them crushed.

I've been trying to lose weight and get my body as healthy as possible. So far, I've done good these past TWO days. I know, you're laughing. But 2 days is better than no days. The gym calls my name most mornings and I've been trying to get back in a routine of having a nice, hearty smoothie to start my day off right. That actually helps me make better food choices throughout each day so it works for me.

I've been having almost constant headaches for 2.5 weeks and a PCOS friend told me it is probably due to hormones from my "condition" {Is that a thing? Do people call PCOS a condition? I don't even know.} They haven't been horrible but I wish I could take it all away.

Honestly, what I wish more than anything, is that I could keep this past year the way it was but have a baby in my arms. I know those two things aren't possible but it's how I feel. I wish I could keep the parts where I've learned from this, met so many wonderful people, found out who my true supporters are, etc. But you see, the only way to learn all of those things was to NOT have a baby. I had to feel infertility because I needed to learn. And learn, I have.

It's hard to think that I'm getting closer and closer to the end of year 2. How can it be that long since I've wanted baby #3? At the same time, it seems like it's been much longer. It seems like I've been infertile my whole life. It's hard to remember what a positive pregnancy test would even look like. It's hard to remember the feeling of a baby kicking me from the inside. So many things seem so distant.

And yet, I can clearly see one of the biggest reasons I've gone through this. These past few months have been a testament as to why we just can't have 3 children right now. I know I'm ranting but I'm just so darn grateful to my Heavenly Father who clearly knows what we can handle and how our lives are supposed to turn out. He knows the plan for me. I realize I've been saying that this whole time but now, more than ever, I can truly see that.

When things started to get really hard 3 months ago, I got angry and didn't put enough faith in God. I thought, how the heck can You be giving me another trial just one year after I was diagnosed with PCOS/infertility?
And then I realized the two things probably go hand in hand. My eyes were opened a little more to see how much my Heavenly Father loves and knows me. I hope this is something I can always teach my children. I hope they always know to trust in God and realize that everything in life happens for a reason. I am grateful that one day, when they're older, I will get to share my stories with them and help strengthen their testimonies of faith and patience.

I am so grateful. I am so blessed.

And that's how Suze sees it.

I love her, I love her a lot.

Tonight, my heart is bursting with gratitude for my little Petey.
I mean, seriously, how does she keep getting cuter?

Petey is always there to be my buddy. I love her questions and her openness. I hope she never stops coming to me to ask questions or to lay in bed with me and talk.

Every morning, this little girl wakes up before anyone else, comes into my bed and rubs my back or runs her fingers through my hair and lets me sleep an extra 30-60 minutes. She. Is. Awesome.

 On Saturday, Petey had her dance recital. It went more amazing than I was expecting. All day, she kept saying she wanted to go back and be on stage and have people watch her dance. One of my favorite parts of the day was when she said, "Mom, let's go lay on your bed and talk about my dance concert." She then proceeded to tell me all about her fun backstage and how she felt with those big lights shining on her and knowing people were watching.

For being a shy little thing, I was proud of her for being brave and loving it. I was proud to see her do all of the moves of each dance as best she could remember. I was proud that when she started her second dance facing the opposite way of the other girls, she quickly realized her mistake and turned around, smile on her face the whole time.

Petey isn't just a dancer. I know I've posted about it a lot and I'm glad it's something she loves right now but Petey is much more than that.

She was my buddy at stake conference today. She makes going to church alone a lot less hard. If she sees me cry, she doesn't just ask what's wrong but quickly comes over and wipes tears off my face. She screams at me when I tell her to go to time out. She jumps on her bed when she isn't supposed to but quickly apologizes and makes it up to me with loves and kisses. She loves her friends and talks about them daily. She is good at sharing. She would smother her brother with love if he would let her. She likes to have meaningful conversations. She often hides and tells me she went to Disneyland. She loves doing laundry with me and puts all of the clothes away for me.

In case you didn't catch it from everything I've said, I absolutely love that little girl. I love her spunk and I love her sweetness. I love the shy and the brave. I love the smiles and the pouts. I love everything about my Petey girl and am so glad she is mine forever.

And that's how Suze sees it.

2012 Review Extravaganza: January, February, March

 I know I've said this the past 2 years but is it really that time again?

You see, 2 years ago, I decided on a whim to participate in a Review Extravaganza that 6 other blogger moms were holding. With every week I participated, my name went into a raffle to win prizes from each of the 6 bloggers. Much to my surprise, I won!

I loved receiving the gifts but my favorite part of it all was remembering back on my year and realizing how far we had come. So this is my 3rd year doing it and I am so excited to participate once again.

January:

January 2012, I started out the year by picking my words for the year: Organize and Prioritize. That is one of my favorite things to look back at because I have done a pretty darn good job of keeping up with my goals and words for this year. My house may be crazy but it's more organized than ever before. The majority of this year, we decided to stop trying for a baby and I had more time to prioritize and put my children first. That has been a huge blessing and I am so glad I have been present in their lives more this year.

Also in January, Spidey wore underwear for the first time. We didn't end up potty training him at that time but he started showing signs of being ready.

 Petey and I started 'school' together since she isn't doing preschool at all before starting kindergarten next year.

 And many trips were taken to Tucson to go visit my kids favorite little pup, Paco. Spidey was obsessed with that little doggie and still talks about him (my in laws no longer have him).

February:

 I got to meet my niece for the very first time. Unfortunatly, it was because my sister was sick after giving birth and my parents flew her down here so we could all help her. But I'm still glad I got to meet that beautiful little girl sooner than I was planning.

 Also in February, I reorganized the kids' closet and put all of their toys in the closet so they had to ask to get them out. It was a great idea for a while but I'm glad they have the opportunity to clean up their toys and play with them when they want now.

March:

 In March, we saw a cute idea on Pinterest and we decided to send hugs to my out of town sister. The kids loved decorating their outline and mailing it to Aunt Karin and Uncle Chris.

We also took another trip to my parents' beach house in Carlsbad and enjoyed the beach for a whole week. The fact that they surprised us and took us all to Legoland wasn't half bad either. :)

So happy I could link up with Emmy and the rest of her friends. I'll see y'all next week to recap April, May, and June.

House Remodel: Petey's Room

 Onto the second remodel post. Boss thinks I'm weird for posting these types of things. Do the rest of you feel the same way? What? No? Ok, good.

My little chickies have shared a room since Spidey was about 4 months old. As soon as they were both in toddler beds, they refused to even sleep in separate beds. It was super cute for a year and a half until recently, when they started to fight or play in their room until 10 or 11pm. We decided that we needed to convince Petey to be a big girl and sleep in her own room now.

At first, she was hesitant about sleeping in her own room with the possibility of monsters and ghosts lurking in dark shadows. She hasn't slept alone in a long time and was super scared about the change. So we did what any good parent does and bribed our little girly into her own room.

As soon as we told her we would decorate it how she wanted, she started to get excited and decided on a Hello Kitty room. I was baffled since I didn't even know she knew what Hello Kitty was but whatever gets her in her own room, right? We convinced her to ask Santa for her new bedding and in a couple of weeks, we'll see if he comes through with the gift she is hoping to get. I have a strong feeling that he found a great Black Friday deal and will not disappoint. :)

Anyway, as soon as the family room remodel was over, we started to get the playroom in order to get her new bed in there.

For months and months, this is what the playroom has looked like. It is always messy and I feel like no matter how many containers I get to organize stuff, Petey just gets frustrated and has a hard time cleaning.

Cue my greatest idea:

 On the left, you'll see in the pictues that I added fabric boxes to each square in her shelving unit for her toys. This has made life A TON easier, since there isn't one specific box for specific toys. Also, on the left, you'll see the big pink and blue buckets. I bought one for each of the kids' rooms for $7 at Target and it has been the best thing! They throw all of their random toys in their and it has made clean up time 100 times easier.
On the right, you'll see that I took pictures when we added her bed in the room. It was still a mess and we weren't done organizing just yet.

 Here is the "before" and "during" of her closet. It's mostly the same but we moved her drawers and bed in. Sorry the left picture is so blurry.

Are you ready for the final reveal? I love the pink and white room she has now. It makes me happy to walk and find it clean in the morning. She has even been making her bed, something we've never taught her to do! I don't know where she learned it but she has been awesome at keeping her room organized so far.

 Ta da! Notice the Hello Kitty lamp on top of her kitchen. That was supposed to be part of her Christmas gift but the first night she was in her bed alone, she had the hardest time feeling safe and going to sleep. She actually came out and asked for a night light so we got it out and every night, she's been asleep within 5 minutes if we turn that thing on.

 We also organized her closet a little better and added some drawers to her "dresser", which is really just crafting drawers. Oh well, it serves it's purpose for now. :)

I am so proud of this big girl and the fact that she is willing to sleep in her own room. I remember being much older than her and hating the fact that I slept alone. There were nights in high school where I would sneak up to my little brother's room and sleep on his floor because I wanted company. :) I know, I'm a wimp.

House Remodel: Family Room

 Oh, what an exhausting project this has been! We started remodeling our house a little over a month ago and the process of getting everything done was kind of a disaster, in my eyes. I'm sure it wasn't actually that bad but I'm kind of a dramatic person...

Anyway, we decided if we were going to do it, we might as well do it all! Included in this remodel/project was the family room, kitchen, and Petey's bedroom.

First, the family room:

Left: Before pictures, Right: After pictures. I decided I wanted to go from beige/brown to grey/black so we painted all of the walls, Boss painted the dresser, we got a new area rug, and to make things even more exciting, we added new blinds. They are bee-oo-tiful!

This is what my house looked like for a week. Boss would paint each day after work and the kids and I would hang out in my bedroom during the day. It was not fun.

Sorry for the horrible lighting but the lighting in my house really just sucks. Oh well. As you can see, the family room was completely "under construction" and it was all I could do to stay sane during that week.

In the weeks since, I've started hanging pictures back up and trying to organize everything. It has literally taken me all month but I think it's safe to say our family room is back in order.

That last picture just shows our cute picture frames by the front door. They are located on the slanted wall right when you walk in and I love those pictures. We have individuals of our kids, a family picture, and then a separate picture of our extended families. Boss' family picture hasn't really been updated since our wedding but we're working on that. :)

That is all I'm posting for now. The kitchen is not completely back in order and I'll save Petey's room redo for another day as well. Hope you enjoyed this long awaited post. I'm just happy my main room is not as chaotic anymore!

PS: The only thing I am still looking for is a new couch for the family room. I know the exact one I want but it's going to be a little while before we can get it. So for now, beige couches in a white/grey/black room will have to suffice. :)

Petey's Dance Concert: Take 1

 If you are my friend on Facebook, I'm quite sure you're sick of hearing about my little girl and her dance concert on Saturday.
Since I danced for many a year back in my younger days (ha! I'm only 25.), I was excited when Petey showed an interest in dance. She took some classes last year at a small studio in someone's garage but this year, she was ready for the real stuff. Ok, I'm totally kidding. She's not some professional-looking little dancer but she really does love what she does and I'm very happy that she loves it so much! So we decided to put her at a bigger studio and see how she liked it.
So far she has done fabulous. She seems to be picking it up really well and talks about trying out for the SNS team next year. We are big fans of Club Dance and Petey loves her teacher, Miss JaNae. Actually, Spidey loves her too! He always talks about Miss JaNae and says that she is his teacher too.

In one of Petey's classes (her SNS team prep class), they got to be a part of an extra performance before their holiday recital. Of course, I was excited that we would get to see her perform one of her dances twice.

Petey has been anticipating her performance for weeks and finally, Saturday was the big day.

We woke up and started on her hair and make up. She looked so cute but WAY TOO OLD with that make up on. It totally made her day since she is obsessed with make up these days.

 I snapped some pictures of her in her dance costume before she performed.

 Aside from her shins being covered with bruises, this is my favorite picture of the day. Isn't she just gorgeous?

I also had to get a picture with her friend, Scarlette, who is in a different class and performed that morning also. I have known Scarlette's mom since junior high and I am so glad that she referred us to Club Dance. Like I said, we absolutely love it!

Last, I've posted the video of Petey's performance. She is third from the end. She was a bit nervous when they got on stage but we thought she did excellent! I was so proud to watch her perform with the group and know most of the choreography.

I was on my Youtube page and watched the video of Petey's dance recital from last year. Here it is if you'd like to compare the two. What a huge improvement!



On a funny side note, I need to get a video of her practicing her dance at home. Spidey has been watching her and he actually knows a lot of the dance by himself and does it around the house, even if she isn't there. I love my littles!!!

And that's how Suze sees it.

My Little Buddy

 Oh my little Bubba. What can I say about that cute little face of yours?

Spidey is my little buddy but boy howdy, he wears me out. I often wonder how such a little guy can have so much energy.

 This kid can get me so frustrated and yet, how can you not smile when he smiles like that?

 It's been a hard week for this momma. The yelling has escalated and my lil bougar boy hasn't been on his best behavior.
On Monday, we were leaving a friend's house and he picked up a big rock and heaved it. I asked him to stop and he replied, "No, mom, I'm just so angry right now!" As much as I appreciated the correct explanation of feelings, it makes me sad to see this little guy get so angry.

 I can't quite figure out whether he reminds me more of Boss or I. Maybe he's a mixture of both? His personality is not quite what I expected from my perfect little baby who hardly ever cried.

And yet, the good outweighs the bad a million to one. He will always be my little buddy.

When I'm scared or frustrated, I can count on my Spidey to be there with a smile like the one above.

Life gets me so worried sometimes. I often wonder if our situations will become better or if they still have some worse times ahead. I often wonder how the kids will grow up and if they'll always know that they are children of God. Life scares me...a lot. But seeing the carefree personality this little guy has gives me hope because he is so full of love.

I love my Spidey more than words could ever express. I will forever be grateful to him for being the light in my dark times and the laughter I need when I'm about to cry. His hard times make me sad but his happy times make me happier than I ever knew was possible.

Thanks for being my little buddy, Spidey. I love you forever.