Is it sad when you get on the scale and are excited to see the numbers 182? Why yes, yes it is. But this is where I am at and I have a goal. A whopping 50 pound goal. Can I make it? Yes! Will I make it? That is the million dollar question. I am going to answer yes because I know I can do it and I know how important it is to me. But please, if you know me and ever see me, don't mention this wretched number. It is something I don't quite like hearing. I tipped the scale at 200 pounds after having my son (ok fine and after having my daughter but I was on bedrest for 2 months with her so it doesnt count! :).
And here is why I am being honest about these numbers. If I am not honest, I will forever be embarassed that I told them to you. But if I change, I could tell anyone I HAVE weighed 200 pounds before if I weigh less at the time. Does this make sense? So I'm owning up to you. I'm trying to be responsible and own up to this weight issue I've kept going since the day I got married. Did you know I weighed 130 pounds when I got married? And did you know that I thought 130 lbs was SO FAT in high school. I remember when I was going through an eating disorder and after finally gaining some weight and weighing maybe 118, I cried so hard that I was getting FAT! Oh how ridiculous that sounds right about now. Now I have the opposite of an eating disorder. :) Or just a different type of eating disorder.
For Christmas, I asked for anything to help me exercise and my loving husband got me an Ipod nano, an arm band for my Ipod, some awesome music for it, and new tires for my bike. He surely is the best.
So here we go...182...to...130...52 pounds to go!
And that's the way Suze sees it (obviously, because I see it in the mirror every morning! :)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Right and Wrong
Life is not perfect.
Sometimes it can seem that way.
But it isnt always.
In the split second that I started writing this, my life just got a little better when I recieved a text from my husband that said, "Youre the best. I love you heaps and heaps!" Mind you, he is in the other room. And when I texted him back he yells, "Hey I'm trying to sleep, quit texting me." Imagine a hint of sarcasm and humor in his voice and you've mastered our conversation via typing. Good for you!
There are many things wrong with my life right now...
...and there are many things right with it!
This is just simply life, right? I know things will never be perfect so I've come to accept things the way they are and make do with what I've got. Having four day work weeks has helped A LOT. When I feel like a stay at home mom, even just for a day that most others work, I feel productive, happy, and creative. I want to take cookies to a neighbor or take my kids to the park and dance in the grass with Petey. This one day a week makes me feel free! I feel alive. I feel like a mother...not that I didn't before but I felt like I didn't even know my children's routine. Now have a whole day to myself with just them and nobody else---except for my two nephews whom I will start watching in January. But this new change has helped me to feel like I have some control over my life. If your husband is in school full time, works part time, is doing homework the rest of the time and you've got to work full time to make ends meet while juggling building a relationship with two children, then you know exactly what I mean.
And that's the way Suze sees it.
Sometimes it can seem that way.
But it isnt always.
In the split second that I started writing this, my life just got a little better when I recieved a text from my husband that said, "Youre the best. I love you heaps and heaps!" Mind you, he is in the other room. And when I texted him back he yells, "Hey I'm trying to sleep, quit texting me." Imagine a hint of sarcasm and humor in his voice and you've mastered our conversation via typing. Good for you!
There are many things wrong with my life right now...
...and there are many things right with it!
This is just simply life, right? I know things will never be perfect so I've come to accept things the way they are and make do with what I've got. Having four day work weeks has helped A LOT. When I feel like a stay at home mom, even just for a day that most others work, I feel productive, happy, and creative. I want to take cookies to a neighbor or take my kids to the park and dance in the grass with Petey. This one day a week makes me feel free! I feel alive. I feel like a mother...not that I didn't before but I felt like I didn't even know my children's routine. Now have a whole day to myself with just them and nobody else---except for my two nephews whom I will start watching in January. But this new change has helped me to feel like I have some control over my life. If your husband is in school full time, works part time, is doing homework the rest of the time and you've got to work full time to make ends meet while juggling building a relationship with two children, then you know exactly what I mean.
And that's the way Suze sees it.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Effort
When you make an effort to make a friend, keep a friend, etc and the other person has NO desire to make that same effort, would you just give up?
My husband says I should. He says, "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me."
I don't know why I cant just give up. This certain relationship means so much to me and yet there is nothing on the recieving end.
Stinks, doesn't it?
And if youre LDS, you may understand this next part. If not, Ill try and give some details about it. In my church, we receive callings and since the week I turned 18, I have been in primary (helping with the children, ages 3-11). A new year is beginning...I am now 22...and guess what is still the ONLY calling I have ever had? You guessed it, primary. I love these kids so much and yet, I wonder why it seems to be the only calling I am trusted with. Am I still too close in age to the Young Women (girls, ages 12-18) to teach them? I would feel VERY inadequate teaching Relief Society (women, 18yrs and up) so maybe that means I am too young for anything other than primary. Does it make it harder that both of my active sisters have callings in Young Womens? Yes, yes it does. But it's really not a complaint, more of an observation. I love the personalities of my young kids and yet, it has been 4 years...a change would be nice. Someday it'll happen. Trust me, someday it will. And then I will let you know...But maybe Im scared for it to happen because maybe, just maybe, I'm scared for whatever else they might have in store for me. I'm not a fan of big change.
Goodnight for now...and Merry Christmas! I cannot wait for my kiddos to open all of their awesome presents...maybe I went overboard...I just really love them and everything seemed perfect to buy for Miss Petey! :)
And that's how Suze sees it.
My husband says I should. He says, "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me."
I don't know why I cant just give up. This certain relationship means so much to me and yet there is nothing on the recieving end.
Stinks, doesn't it?
And if youre LDS, you may understand this next part. If not, Ill try and give some details about it. In my church, we receive callings and since the week I turned 18, I have been in primary (helping with the children, ages 3-11). A new year is beginning...I am now 22...and guess what is still the ONLY calling I have ever had? You guessed it, primary. I love these kids so much and yet, I wonder why it seems to be the only calling I am trusted with. Am I still too close in age to the Young Women (girls, ages 12-18) to teach them? I would feel VERY inadequate teaching Relief Society (women, 18yrs and up) so maybe that means I am too young for anything other than primary. Does it make it harder that both of my active sisters have callings in Young Womens? Yes, yes it does. But it's really not a complaint, more of an observation. I love the personalities of my young kids and yet, it has been 4 years...a change would be nice. Someday it'll happen. Trust me, someday it will. And then I will let you know...But maybe Im scared for it to happen because maybe, just maybe, I'm scared for whatever else they might have in store for me. I'm not a fan of big change.
Goodnight for now...and Merry Christmas! I cannot wait for my kiddos to open all of their awesome presents...maybe I went overboard...I just really love them and everything seemed perfect to buy for Miss Petey! :)
And that's how Suze sees it.
Friday, December 18, 2009
My Angels
Neyo.
I love him.
I adore him.
And I just can't get enough of him!
This sweet angel boy is getting chubbier, his eyes ar getting more blue, and his hair looks more fire red every day! (please don't go away red hair, please, Im begging!)
He smiles like CRAZY, has a dimple just like his sister, and loves his pacifiers.
I miss him all day at work, brag about him to everyone, and cannot wait to get home so we can play. I feel this same way about his sister and treat my days the same as far as she goes. I just love my kids!
Two days ago, while rushing to get somewhere and getting on the freeway, a car cut me off and I yelled "You jackass!" and I hear a tiny voice in the back of the car repeat, "Jatass". Whoops! Apparently, that is the end of that word. (though my mom will argue to her death bed that it is not a swear word and only implies you are dumb like a donkey)
Fastforward to yesterday morning, as I am dropping off the kids with their Nana. Neyo sneezes and I hear a sweet little voice say "Bessoo, baby" (obviously, that's baby spelling for Bless you, baby, in case you didnt get that in the first place).
And then there's last night, when I ask Hayley to hand me the remote (which she knows she isnt supposed to touch) and she throws it right at me, raises her eyebrows, and just walks away. I could NOT stop laughing. How do you discipline a kid when you're laughing?!! And how do you discipline a kid who is so creative in her sassiness that it stuns you too much to get mad at her? It just isn't an easy thing to do.
My little Petey talks so much these days---almost too much---and just adores her brother, probably as much as I do.
I couldn't have asked for better kids.
I love him.
I adore him.
And I just can't get enough of him!
This sweet angel boy is getting chubbier, his eyes ar getting more blue, and his hair looks more fire red every day! (please don't go away red hair, please, Im begging!)
He smiles like CRAZY, has a dimple just like his sister, and loves his pacifiers.
I miss him all day at work, brag about him to everyone, and cannot wait to get home so we can play. I feel this same way about his sister and treat my days the same as far as she goes. I just love my kids!
Two days ago, while rushing to get somewhere and getting on the freeway, a car cut me off and I yelled "You jackass!" and I hear a tiny voice in the back of the car repeat, "Jatass". Whoops! Apparently, that is the end of that word. (though my mom will argue to her death bed that it is not a swear word and only implies you are dumb like a donkey)
Fastforward to yesterday morning, as I am dropping off the kids with their Nana. Neyo sneezes and I hear a sweet little voice say "Bessoo, baby" (obviously, that's baby spelling for Bless you, baby, in case you didnt get that in the first place).
And then there's last night, when I ask Hayley to hand me the remote (which she knows she isnt supposed to touch) and she throws it right at me, raises her eyebrows, and just walks away. I could NOT stop laughing. How do you discipline a kid when you're laughing?!! And how do you discipline a kid who is so creative in her sassiness that it stuns you too much to get mad at her? It just isn't an easy thing to do.
My little Petey talks so much these days---almost too much---and just adores her brother, probably as much as I do.
I couldn't have asked for better kids.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Old Navy Customer Service
I sent this letter to Old Navy this morning. It explains everything and I am very angry.
Old Navy Customer Service:
On December 8th, I was in your store on Baseline and Cooper Rd in Mesa, AZ. I purchased four items and my bill came up to be $50.04. I handed the cashier a $100 from my Christmas bonus at work and a nickel I found at the last minute in the bottom of my purse. I had been talking to the cashier about the weather and she seemed really nice up until the point when she seemed to get really nervous and handed me a wad of cash for my change. I felt really awkward all of a sudden and in my mind I thought, “I need to check how much change she gave me.” My 18 month old daughter started to cry and the thought left my mind until the next morning, when I remembered the wadded up cash and went to check the amount. The amount total was $30.00, consisting of a $20 bill, a $5 bill and five $1 bills. My heart sank as I realized she had short changed me by $20. I quickly called the Old Navy store and spoke to a manager, who said she would get back to me in a couple of hours to let me know if the drawers were over $20. After 5 hours of waiting, I called the store back and spoke to a different manager who assured me all drawers were accounted for and no cash register was over. I explained my situation to him and tried to politely let him know that if his drawers were all balancing, he had a dishonest employee who had taken my $20. He made me feel like I was the liar and I quickly hung up the phone, very disappointed in a store I have been coming to for years. I am very angered to know that a dishonest employee is working at this store and possibly taking Christmas money from other people. Twenty dollars may not seem like a lot but it is to me and my family. I have talked to many friends and family about this situation, who are also angered that Old Navy would not trust me as the customer. I still have my receipt and any information you might need to fix this because this situation may cause you to lose a lot of business. I can no longer trust Old Navy with my purchases if such things as important as a dishonest employee are going to be pushed under the table. I will continue to not recommend Old Navy to anyone I know if this situation is ignored. I have really loved Old Navy since I was a young girl but being treated the way I was on the phone with the managers and employees of Old Navy has made me lose trust in the honesty of this company.
Sincerely,
S
Old Navy Customer Service:
On December 8th, I was in your store on Baseline and Cooper Rd in Mesa, AZ. I purchased four items and my bill came up to be $50.04. I handed the cashier a $100 from my Christmas bonus at work and a nickel I found at the last minute in the bottom of my purse. I had been talking to the cashier about the weather and she seemed really nice up until the point when she seemed to get really nervous and handed me a wad of cash for my change. I felt really awkward all of a sudden and in my mind I thought, “I need to check how much change she gave me.” My 18 month old daughter started to cry and the thought left my mind until the next morning, when I remembered the wadded up cash and went to check the amount. The amount total was $30.00, consisting of a $20 bill, a $5 bill and five $1 bills. My heart sank as I realized she had short changed me by $20. I quickly called the Old Navy store and spoke to a manager, who said she would get back to me in a couple of hours to let me know if the drawers were over $20. After 5 hours of waiting, I called the store back and spoke to a different manager who assured me all drawers were accounted for and no cash register was over. I explained my situation to him and tried to politely let him know that if his drawers were all balancing, he had a dishonest employee who had taken my $20. He made me feel like I was the liar and I quickly hung up the phone, very disappointed in a store I have been coming to for years. I am very angered to know that a dishonest employee is working at this store and possibly taking Christmas money from other people. Twenty dollars may not seem like a lot but it is to me and my family. I have talked to many friends and family about this situation, who are also angered that Old Navy would not trust me as the customer. I still have my receipt and any information you might need to fix this because this situation may cause you to lose a lot of business. I can no longer trust Old Navy with my purchases if such things as important as a dishonest employee are going to be pushed under the table. I will continue to not recommend Old Navy to anyone I know if this situation is ignored. I have really loved Old Navy since I was a young girl but being treated the way I was on the phone with the managers and employees of Old Navy has made me lose trust in the honesty of this company.
Sincerely,
S
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Flashback Day!
Petey's first smile around 6 weeks. 
Neyo's first smile around 6 weeks. (Resemblance, anyone?)
Petey in jeans at SIX months.
Neyo in the same jeans at SIX WEEKS!
Petey in brown pants at SEVEN months.
Neyo in the same brown pants at TWO MONTHS!
Petey in Christmas onesie at 7 months.
Petey in same Christmas onesie at 18 months!
Neyo's first smile around 6 weeks. (Resemblance, anyone?)
Petey in jeans at SIX months.
Neyo in the same jeans at SIX WEEKS!
Petey in brown pants at SEVEN months.
Neyo in the same brown pants at TWO MONTHS!
Petey in Christmas onesie at 7 months.
Petey in same Christmas onesie at 18 months!
Verdict: Petey doesn't grow. Neyo grows A LOT.
And that's how Suze sees it.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Hi, it's me
Here I am in all of my 50lb overweight glory. I decided to take a picture because no matter what I look like, I want to remember these moments and I want to remember being a part of them...not just being in the background like I usually am. 
Here I am 3 years ago, when my husband and I were dating. My goal is to look like this because honestly, without sounding to oddly vain, this was hot. Does it seem weird that I feel like her on the inside? When I am not staring at a mirror, I still think I am her. But lately, Ive realized just how much I am NOT going to be a size 6 if I dont TRY.
T
R
Y
!
Yeah...thats the hard part. I am 22 years old and I have MANY friends who DONT exercise and are a size 2 shortly after giving birth. I dont have very many friends that have given birth twice but let's be honest, I thought I would be like them and shed the weight after having Petey but I didnt. Sometimes I get angry that I have to work hard to stay away from obesity (by the way, I hate that word) but really, what does anger get me? It sure doesnt get me skinny! So tonight, I ran a mile...and tomorrow, I think Ill run another. And eventually, not only will I feel like her but I will look like her.
Complaint department open
I almost asked the question "Can I make a complaint?" but who am I kidding, we all know I am going to complain whether you say yes or no. First off, my husband hates when I take "an hour" (his exagerration) to tell a story by painting a picture first but who's in charge again? Oh yeah, my blog, so I am. I am completely grateful for the state WIC program and the many things they have done for us with my two little babies. I am grateful for the money I get to save and most importantly, the free formula. But---I called today because my chubby son is almost out of formula and I dont get new checks for another week or two. I explained to the lady that I am almost out and asked if there was a higher amount of formula allowed as the babies get older and she told me there isnt. To quote her, she said, "We are actually a supplemental program so we want you to be breastfeeding and will only give you formula to supplement your baby." Ok...lady...Im breathing...Im staying nice...Im grateful for this program, remember? I ended my call with her and had to calm my racing heart. These people have been giving me crap about not breastfeeding since the day I stopped. At 6 weeks, when I hadnt been breastfeeding for a month, the nutritionist I saw told me I should start trying to breastfeed again. Lady, my milk had been dried up for a month, is this a joke? Yup, breast is best...and in their eyes, breast is the ONLY healthy way to raise a child.
I'm going overboard, I know. Im being spoiled and ungrateful for the things WIC DOES give me. You should've stopped me while I was ahead. Too late now. :)
By the way, I weighed my chubs at 6 weeks old and he was 12 pounds. The kid as doubled his birth weight (probably moreso by now)! He smiles now, though it still takes a lot of work. I get about two smiles a day but I am so grateful for those two beautiful smiles that I dont mind. My baby boy is just growing up too fast and so is Miss Petey. She has started saying MANY two word sentences and has the most fun personality I have ever seen on a kiddo her age. 
Also, another "by the way", next week I reduce my work schedule to 4 days a week instead of 5! You may never know how much that extra day with my kids will mean to me. Of course, I am watching my crazy nephews at the same time but we're pretty much a party house so bring on the fun!
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