Worthy

 I'm trying.

I'm trying to remember who I was as a carefree little girl who didn't have a clue that I'd someday equate my worthiness to my weight, to my marriage, to my whole outward appearance.

Sometimes I try to dig deep and remember her but often times, I find it impossible.
She seems impossible.
Did she really even exist?

I've thought so much about all of the events in my life and how they've shaped me, good and bad.
There is a lot of bad, friends. 
Because the world told me that unless I was skinny, I wasn't pretty. The world told me that without money, I would never be happy. The world told me that unless I had a boyfriend or a husband, I must not be good enough.
This didn't come from one source. It seemed to come from every corner I would turn. Magazines. Commercials. Movies. Even the Disney shows I watched seemed to be telling me my best plan for happiness was to be skinny and always have a boy to love me.
I believed those things. 
Hell, I still believe those things...

I remember in high school, I liked this boy. We were in marching band together and during football season, we would spend hours on Friday nights together, either on a bus or in the band room. I would think about it all week and hope that this was the week---the week he would cuddle with me or kiss me or something! I just wanted him to show me my worth! I wanted him to prove to me that I was beautiful!

It never happened.
Instead, he dated my best friend and I got to watch from the sidelines, as my heart felt like shattering.

This was my real life in high school. Not very many other things mattered. I didn't really care about my school work---I just wanted to feel loved. I was searching for worthiness. And might I add, I was searching for worthiness in all of the wrong places.

I wasted so much of my high school experience, waiting for someone to love me---never realizing that the most important thing would be loving myself.

I never found my worthiness in high school. I don't even know if I can say I found my worthiness after high school.
In fact, I think I can confidently say that I didn't find my worthiness after high school.
I got married, had two babies, became a stay-at-home-mom, and suddenly, I found myself divorced.

Divorced. Overweight. Worthless.

I think I had convinced myself that I knew my worth when I was married. But the thing is, I was married---I had a man who automatically proved my worthiness---and when that was over, I found myself struggling all over again---and even more-so since the rejection hurt so much worse this time.

I don't think I've ever really taken the time to think about my worth as an individual daughter of God. I've seen glimpses but I don't know if I've ever had the opportunity to really grasp it before.

A part of me finds this concept to be foreign and highly unreachable. But then there is the part of me filled with faith and hope, yearning to feel as loved as my God intended me to be.

I don't quite know where to start, to begin this healing journey of my worth. I feel like I've taken so many different roads and each one of them has taught me something but I still doubt. I'm still so afraid that without marriage and weight loss, I won't be able to reach my full potential as the woman I want to be. I still feel somewhat worthless and abandoned and fearful of the future. I still question whether the people who say they love me really do---or whether they're just in my life because they feel sorry for me.

I'm at a point in my journey where I'm confused and as much as I hate being confused, I think this is where I'm supposed to be. I think I'm going to let myself stay confused until I can learn in my own time what my individual worth is.

I think it's ok that I don't have all the answers right now.

They'll come when I'm ready for them.

In the meantime, I'm going to hold on.

I'm going to try not to freak out over how busy life is and how much time I lose every day with my kids and my friends.
I'm going to continue on in school and get myself one step closer to my end goals.

And I'm going to try to love my life as much as possible. Whatever that looks like to me.
Some days, it might be only five minutes and other days, it'll last hours.
But I'm going to enjoy the moments where I'm not anxious and scared and angry.

I'm going to try to be authentic to myself.

And God Said, "Slow down!"

 Once upon a time, I was in the school counselor's office trying to figure out how to graduate from community college by May 2015. It was decided that I would take 17 credits Fall '14 and 15 credits Spring '15 so that I'd be ready to graduate and transfer to ASU.

I chanted the, "I can do hard things" quote in my head over and over again as I signed up for 6 classes and tried to figure out a schedule that worked for my life.

Sigh...

It took most of the summer. I kept leaving the task for another day because it was stressing me out.

Sometimes being a single mom sucks. It was so dang hard to find a schedule that would fit the classes I need and keep us in a mostly normal routine.

I finally did it and signed up for all Tuesday/Thursday classes, all during the day---except for one stupid class that I could only find on Thursday nights.

I figured the sacrifice would be something I could handle for four months. And the thing is, it was possible.

But right when school started, I decided to go back to work. And right when I decided to go back to work, Spidey started preschool.

And right when all of this happened, Spidey started crying a lot when he would get dropped off to babysitters.

And my mom guilt became a huge burden because all I wanted to do was quit everything and stay home with him all day, every day.

So let's recap:
A week into my new job and school starting, I was ready to throw it all away.
A week.

 Well, God knows me. He knows I won't just quit, even when things are really frickin hard. He knows I'll kill myself until I get everything fit into our crazy schedule.

I'm the least perfect perfectionist in the entire world. Our house is crazy, our schedule is crazy, and my kids are sticky-faced and wearing mismatched shoes.

But I'm really hard on myself and I try to fit it all in and get it all done.

 Well, due to some unforseen circumstances, I was dropped from my Thursday night class. When I found this news out, I had a moment of panic and I just wanted to crawl in a hole. But following my panic, I felt an incredible amount of peace come over me and I felt like God was saying, "Slow down!"

He knows how busy we are. He knows that it's hard for Spidey to get used to having a working mom. And I feel like he found a way to teach me that it's ok to slow down a little bit.

I can't be a super mom. I can be the mom that my kids need but I really can't be much more.

Most days, I'm just hanging on by a thread. I've been struggling a lot lately and I just can't seem to find my bravery that everyone else seems to believe I have within me. I'm not giving myself breaks. In fact, I've been pushing myself harder than ever before.

So God said, "Slow down." and all I could do was nod my head and realize that He is right.

I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm only 26 years old and my kids are still young. We can slow things down a tiny bit sometimes. As much as I want to rush through school and be able to provide a better life for my kids RIGHT NOW, I feel a whole lot of peace tonight as I think about how rushed we already are.

I can do hard things...but I don't have to push myself farther than I need to right now.

It's ok that I need to slow down. It doesn't make me weak. It just makes me human.

My Goodness

I feel like Suzanne today.

Even among the depression and the heartache and the painful memories, there are days where I feel like me. The real me.

The girl who loves to make others happy and doesn't tell herself she is selfish. The girl who reads books to her children and gives them extra snuggles at night. The girl who exercises because she loves her body, not to punish herself.

This is me.

School started yesterday.

School started and my anxiety kicked in full swing. Ok, fine, the anxiety kicked in the night before.

I went to my math class and was welcomed by a bubbly, tiny young woman who made us decide what shape we identified with most and then showed us a Ted talk on having grit. I really hope her personality, as cheesy as class felt, will be helpful to get me through this math class. Have I mentioned I hate Alegbra?

Then I headed to the class I was nervous to start---Philosophy of Sexuality. I know it's going to help me become a better therapist. I know I need to take this class. I am just not excited about the sometimes explicit material and the open discussions about SEX. Part of the reason is because it's intimidating to talk about sex with people I don't know and trust but a bigger part of the reason is in regards to the trauma from my failed marriage.

But I did it. I focused, I read through the required material today, and I finished my first assignment. And if you're waiting for me to stop tooting my own horn, it might not happen yet.

I have spent my morning doing things Suzanne does. Spidey and I jogged the neighborhood at 7:15am. We played with our bunnies and fed them breakfast. And I finished my work out while my boy watched PBS.

I even cleaned the family room.

I'm figuring life out. I hate it some days. I love it other days. But at least I seem to be figuring it out.

There are two parts of me and today I am Suzanne.

TODAY I AM SUZANNE.

That is such a victory, friends.

Because depression and anxiety have taken so much from me. When I feel like me, I NEED TO CELEBRATE THAT!

So today I celebrate who I am. I celebrate the brave things I conquer and the good things that I do. There is good within me---a lot of good. And it doesn't counteract the bad, it isn't a replacement for the bad...it is it's own thing. I am good because I am compassionate and funny and loving.

I am a good person.

This is me.

School Is Hard, Prayer Is Real

School was so much fun the very first semester. Not only was I blowing through my classes with awesome grades (and seriously, I had just become a single mom a week after school started so this was HUGE), I was making new friends and loving my new life outside of "mom life". It was a great time.

So I signed up for my next semester, ready to tackle the new challenges I'd face---but really, I wasn't ready. I was struggling with my worth, my testimony, single parenting, filing the final divorce papers, trying to figure out my schedule, getting my kids to school/babysitter on time, and my math class started to kick my butt a week into school.

I remember signing in to my online math class and just staring at the page crying for ten minutes. I was only a week into the class but I already felt like I wouldn't be able to make it through this class. I worried about what dropping the class or getting a bad grade would mean for my financial aid since that is a huge part of why I'm able to go to school right now. I went to the tutoring center and tried to bring my grade up. It would dip lower and lower with every bad grade I would receive on homework and quizzes. My amazing friend tried to help and spent many hours on the phone with me {she lives in Utah} trying to help me understand everything better.

But I ended up failing the class. And by failing, I mean I seriously got a LOW failing grade. I was really discouraged. I planned to sign up for summer classes but I just couldn't do it. I also usually sign up for the next semester of classes right after I finish finals but I put it off for over a month because I was so bummed about that one stupid grade.

I started doubting whether I could really do this. If my second semester in community college is so hard, am I really going to be able to get a masters degree at a university someday? Everything just seemed so far out of reach and many times, I've considered dropping out and just finding a full time job that pays well enough to support my kids.

But every time I think about getting a job and dropping out of school, I think about our future and my dreams and the reasons I am in school right now. A lot of times in my life, I have found that really hard challenges teach me the most and I'm hoping school will do the same for me. I've never felt like I was a very smart person and school is a really scary choice for me but I am trying to push forward.

I have been praying for two months that my failing grade would not take my financial aid away. I promised Heavenly Father I would do better and I prayed that He would make this possible for me to continue in school. When I signed in to my Maricopa student center today, one of the first things I noticed was my grades and under it, the words "In Good Standing".

I believe in answered prayers. I believe that God knows me and my heart and that He will help me in this journey I've decided to take on. This isn't the easy way but I believe it'll be worth it.

I never did sign up for summer classes because I needed to break to remind myself why I am doing what I'm doing. This is all for our family, not just for me. I still have two months before my next semester starts up and I am so thankful for this time with my kids before life gets undeniably crazy again. Also, I'm thankful to my mom and sisters and friends who are always willing to help me with kids when I'm in class or needing time for homework. I have such incredible support in my life and I really am grateful for that.

What Today Taught Me

I'm tired, I so badly need a shower, and my inner beast is surfacing so yes, it's time to start getting ready for bed.
But I couldn't NOT post tonight.
I just couldn't!
There is no excuse that is good enough right now for me to not tell you how I feel.

I feel grateful. Today was an amazing day. Shall we just relive it a little bit? Yes, let's do that!

This morning, after dropping P off at school, Spidey and I headed to my mom's because she was going to watch him while I went to math tutoring---bleh. Math and I have been enemies this semester. A few weeks ago, I was ready to call it quits. I couldn't handle the pressure and I couldn't handle seeing my grade (63.7%) get lower and lower. I emailed my teacher and told her I'd be dropping the online class and that I'd take it this summer at the school.
Her response caught me off guard. It went something like this: "Suzanne, I'm happy to withdraw you if that's what you really want but I would love to work with you to bring that grade back up. Don't give up yet! I'm going to open chapter 3 quiz for you and I want you to try it again. Don't hesitate to ask questions if you need to and utilize the math tutoring center."
I was very hesitant. I didn't think I could do it but that email gave me hope. I knew I needed to try.
I re-took the quiz and brought my quiz grade from an F to a B. I re-did some homework and brought those grades from D's to B's. Today I went to math tutoring and got 100% on all of my homework assignments! This is huge, people! My grade is still a D but there is now a cute little + in front of it.

So I was feeling good when I went to pick up my Lil Mr from grandma's house. We came home, I signed on to Facebook before we were going to head out to the gym and I saw that my cyber-friend was having a crazy morning.
Let's back up a bit with the story of my new friend. I'd like to start by pointing out that I have 100% utilized this year's word, brave, when it comes to making this new friend. I read a blog post last month that TC had written about National Eating Disorder Awareness, which inspired me to write this post on my blog. I wanted so badly to write her a message on Facebook but hesitated because that isn't just a thing you do to people you don't know. Anyway, a few weeks later, I saw TC post on my daughter's school Facebook page and realized our kids go to school together! For some reason that made it seem less creepy so I messaged TC and gave her my life story. Just kidding---kind of.
So we became cyber bff's and planned to meet someday soon.
Flashforward to "someday soon".
Last night, TC and I were texting because I realized we are in the same stake! Is the world seeming smaller yet? I thought it was so funny that we were a teeny bit more connected than we were before.
So...today. Today TC was having a crazy day and I knew exactly what I was going to do. I FB messaged her and asked for her address and favorite snack.
She didn't respond.
I texted her and asked her for her address and favorite snack.
She didn't respond.
I threatened to look up her address if she didn't respond.
She didn't respond.
I texted her to tell her I was on my way.
She didn't respond.
(Would it be important to tell you she was painting her house so the lack of response wasn't because she thinks I'm as crazy as I actually am?)
So I got brave and showed up at her house with a bag full of different snacks.
You guys, I was so afraid she'd think I was crazy but since I felt insta-connected to TC, I hoped she wouldn't call the cops.
Don't worry, she didn't. And my bravery won me a new friend today. A real new friend.

So I left, feeling happier than happy. And it wasn't even the "service" kind of happy, it felt like a real happy. I felt like this day could be the first day of the rest of my life. Cheesy, right?
I digress...I went to the gym and kicked the crap outta my mile run. I shaved 30 whole seconds off of my run. Booyah.

This afternoon, we needed to clean the house. Really badly, we did. But the kids were oh so whiney and cranky so we started with a bike ride. I even mustered up a little bit of patience and jogged next to Spidey so I could help him with the two-wheeler he's known how to ride for 6 months but thinks is scary. He mastered it beautifully and by the end, was riding almost as well as his pro-bike-riding sister. Another booyah.
We got a little bit of cleaning done before the whining and crankiness started up again so we stopped for a dance party, including but not limited to shaking our booties, jumping on my bed, wrestling, and a crud-load of laughing. It was perfect for a minute---a minute is accurate.

So today was great and the cherry on top was posting on our neighborhood page to see if someone could grab me some conditioner if they were at the store tonight {because this girl is in serious need of a shower right now} and having a wonderful friend send her daughters to the store just to get me conditioner.

People are so freaking amazing.

Tonight I decided something that was probably already decided but was reiterated a thousand times over today.

 

This girl is going to be just fine.

2014: Day 20 and 21

 Day 20: This month.
Day 21: A moment
Don't ya think we could just take "a moment" from "this month" and count that? Since I've been so busy with homework, that is what we are doing for this post.
I found my camera a few weeks ago when school started {It was in my backpack} and I wanted to update you on some happenings from this month. It's been a good month so far.

The day I started school, Spidey was pretty bummed that he was the only one not going to school during the day now so I packed him a backpack to take with him to Grandma's house. Doesn't he just look so happy? He thought it was pretty cool that all 3 of us had backpacks on that day.
School has been good so far. I am taking 2 classes at the college and 3 classes online---because I'm crazy. So far, only some minor hiccups in my math class. I'm getting the hang of the schedule and learning how to balance my time, which really just means getting on the computer to do homework every free second I have.

 Petey has been busy busy busy with dance! They have started basketball season and she is going to have performances every couple of weeks now. Her schedule has been killing us all because it's 6-8pm instead of the normal 4-6pm so that they can be combined with the older girls. Coming home at 8:30pm on school nights messes up our nighttime routine. But it's ok because she's happy and we are happy to support her.

 One of the nights she was at dance, some other dance moms and I went to get pedicures. We all have a little boy with us and Spidey loves hanging out with his best buddy. They played so quietly on the iPad. I'm so glad they have each other to stay entertained while we are busy doing dance things with their big sisters.

 Last Friday, Petey came running in crying, saying her finger was cut. Then Spidey comes in, puts his hands on his hips and says, "I told her not to play with the box cutter." What?! It was bleeding like crazy and I drove her to our favorite pediatrician {Grandpa}. Luckily, she didn't need stitches because of how it cut her finger but it had to be wrapped in gause for a few days.

 We celebrated Ellie's birthday! How is this girl 2 already? And yet, how is she not 3? She is the smartest 2 year old I know. And the silliest. You'll see more of that later.

The weekends I have without my kids are usually spent like this...

 This would be about 2:30 in the morning.

 Seriously. My friends are awesome. And last weekend was so much fun, even though I only got 2 hours of sleep and didn't even take a nap the next day. It was a miracle that I was functioning!

Then yesterday, we all went to our favorite pizza place, H&H City Pizza in Chandler because my sister is visiting from Virginia.

 My cousin owns this restaurant and I'd eat there every day if I could. It is always so delicious!

 I love these girlies together. Petey really loves Ellie.

 Isn't this newest addition just precious?! I love holding him.

This last series of pictures is Ellie with her MANY "silly" faces. She is such a ham!

 This one is a true scowl---she did not appreciate that Petey was trying to get in on the pictures too. ha!

It's been a whirlwind of a month. I'm grateful I have the opportunity to go to school, be a mom, participate in church activities, hang out with friends and family, and so many other things! My life i hectic and busy but I feel like I've done pretty well with this 30 day challenge, all things considered. :)

2014: Day 14

Day 14: A Life Goal

When I was little, I dreamed of someday becoming a surgeon or a pediatrician. My mom would often catch me watching Trauma: Life in the ER on tv and would quickly make me change the channel because that show is scary-gross. But surgeries always intrigued me.
A huge part of me wanted to help other people but there was a part of me that just thought it sounded really cool to slice somebody open and sew 'em back up.

Then I was sent to ANASAZI and I thought, "Now that's what I want to do someday!" So when I graduated, I enrolled in psychology classes among my other general studies.

Then I got married and school became an after thought because we wanted to get pregnant pretty quickly.
And we did.
And we now have two children.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I thought about starting school back up again. How hard can it be with two young kids, right?
But it never worked out because I had just become a stay at home mom and I didn't want to give up any of that time with my children.
Then a year and a half ago, something changed in me. We started seeing a marriage counselor and she was a mother. I often wondered how she could juggle both lives. How could she live two successful but opposite lives? And it was then that I realized people jump in head first and do hard, scary things. They take risks and a lot of times, those risks pay off. Mothers can accomplish things just the same as anybody else. Even single mothers.

So a year and a half ago, I decided to sign up for school but it took me a while to get in to a counselor and kick start everything so the summer of 2013 is when I signed up for my first classes. Petey and I started school within weeks of each other and there was a lot of change in our home including but not limited to: kindergarten routine, college routine, separating in our marriage, the baby I watched moving to Minnesota, and Spidey starting up some playgroups and things to stay busy. August was a blur, as was September and most of October.

But we survived and that's all that matters! I took English, Math, and 2 Psychology courses and ended up with two A's and two B's. Not bad for the hectic semester that it was.

So then December rolled around and I realized I needed to get signed up for my next semester. Since there are no other adults living in my home, it was hard dropping the kids off to their dad 3 nights a week and not picking them up until 10 or 11pm so this semester, I started morning classes while my sweet, sweet, SWEET mother watches Spidey and my friend keeps Petey after school for 45 minutes.

Today was the first day and everything went smoothly. I couldn't believe it. I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude for the help people are willing to give.

So I'm a full time student. And I have a very specific long term goal and that is to get a bachelors degree in Psychology and a masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.

I knew what I wanted to do my senior year of high school. I knew what I wanted to do the whole time we were in marriage counseling. And now I'm lucky enough to be making those dreams a reality. It's going to be scary and hard and time consuming and stressful but I can do hard things. And this is the year I choose to be brave.

To that little girl, so full of dreams: I hope you're proud of who you are becoming. Because you should be.

On Zombie, Losing my Cool, and Getting Good Grades

It was a rotten, exceptional, horrible, amazing night. So many mixed emotions right now.

I'm still catching my breath from all of the chasing and giggling we did together a few hours ago. My heart was pounding and I could hardly breathe by the end. We played "zombie" which is apparently the exact same thing as tag but whoever is 'it' is the zombie.
It was wonderful.

Then, I got caught up in a letter I'm sending to our favorite missionary because I have a package I want to get sent tomorrow. I asked the kids to take a shower, something I let them do by themselves often. After a while, I walked into the bathroom to soap those cute kiddos up and for some reason, the bathtub was filling up. Since my tub doesn't have a plug, I panicked and asked them what they had shoved down the drain. After a few 'I don't know's' and 'We didn't do anything's', Petey fessed up that she had stuck a bunch of toilet paper down the drain to plug it up.
I lost my cool. I've been trying so hard not to but I did. I shut the water off, pulled them both out of the shower, dressed them and sent them straight to bed. No prayers, no hugs, no kisses. And then I sat down at my computer desk feeling more guilty than ever.
These kids are fragile. I knew it the whole time I'd been yelling. Something inside of me was telling me to let it go but I couldn't. I got angry. They should know better! They do know better!

I've yet to figure out the shower mess. I decided to let myself cool down and then walk into each child's room and place a kiss on their forehead and whisper I love you's, hoping they'd hear them in their dreams.

After all of that drama, I signed back into the computer, eager to see if my Psychology of Gender teacher had posted any more grades. I'm waiting for her to post grades for my big gender project and TWO exams I took last week {one was a make-up since I'm dumb and forgot to take it 2 months ago}. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that my gender project was graded. After a hard semester with this teacher, I was worried that she would give me a bad grade which would give me a bad grade in the class. To my delight, I noticed a 50/50 at the top of the page. I was ecstatic. I then read her sweet notes to me on how she loved my project. She asked me if the girl with the gorgeous blue eyes was mine, I was proud to answer yes. I used this picture below for the beginning of my project.

It was the picture header on the website I had to create.
I put a lot of time and effort into that project and it felt so good to be recognized for my hard work.

The subject we had to write on was actually very near and dear to my heart. It has been since before Petey was born but especially since after her birth. If you'd like to view my website project, go here. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot of things from doing it.

What a great way to end my first semester back at college. I have a feeling I'm going to like this a lot more than I originally thought. College may be a lot of work but that work pays off.

I'm thinking 2 out of 3 are good odds for tonight being wonderful. I think I'll go kiss my kids one more time before I head off to bed and hope they forgive me in the morning.

I Believe in Me

Tonight must be emotional, for some reason. I turned on the computer and this image smacked me in the face with it's imperfect perfection.

I cried.
I love that it's the background of our computer. What I love even more is that they are mine for eternity.

After turning the computer on, I signed in to my school account to check on my grades. My English teacher had sent me back an essay that I thought I was struggling with and her words were so positive and encouraging. I started to cry again. She corrected two words and that was it. The rest was great in her eyes.

The thing is, school scares me. I'm a semester in and I feel like I've rocked this semester but there are 11 more semesters before I get to have my career. And I can assume that they will not all be this easy.

The thought of my classes getting harder scares me.
But the thought of dropping out of school terrifies me.
I'm where I need to be.
I need to believe in me.

I'm staring my fears down daily. The fear of failure weighs on my mind but it's a battle I have to endure so I can reach my end goal.

My goals might seem farther out there than a single mom of two can reach but I'm just going to have to show the world that it can be mastered. I'm not picking the easy way out. A bachelors and a masters degree are not the easy way out. Building up my own clients so I can have flexible work hours is not going to be the easy way out. It's going to be challenging most of the time for a long time but it will be so worth it.

I'm determined not to fail. I don't want to be that story. I don't want to lose my ambition. I want to succeed.

Succeed, I can and succeed, I will.

Attitude of Gratitude

 Sometimes, things just fall into place and you can't NOT stop and be grateful. {Please forgive my double negative. Yes, it was necessary.}

Our car should be getting fixed on Monday and I'm so excited to have it back. In the meantime, one of the most giving and caring people I know, my mother, let me borrow her car for the entire week. I am so grateful for her help when I need her. Not only did she let me borrow her car, she took us out for frozen yogurt and drove my hot hot HOT van back to her house where it will sit until Monday, when she'll drive it all the way to the car shop for me. She's kind of a whopping heap of amazing like that.

Also, I decided to check my student center account at Chandler-Gilbert to remind myself when my tuition is due and what'd'ya know, my financial aid was approved! That is one less worry for this momma. I'm still nervous about the workload of school and babysitting and motherhood but I'm also just ready to dive in so I can get this over with and start my dream career.

After the car situation, I was so nervous about having to buy Petey everything she'll need for school but my mom took her out shopping on Wednesday (and for an icee, and for lunch, and for ice cream after) and got her some uniforms. Check that worry off my list! Petey is the cutest little school girl I've ever seen! And seriously, I wish I could tan like she does! I know she got my skin tone but my legs do NOT look like that.

I was in such a good mood by Thursday that we went to the pool with my sister and her kiddos. Poor Spidey got a huge glob of sunscreen in his eye and it was pretty irritated. He also insists on making Lunchable sandwiches with 2 crackers and all 6 pieces of cheese. He's kinda weird...but aren't those freckles just irresistable? And those bright green/brownish red eyes. Ahh, that boy melts my heart.

The boys finished up the second Lunchable but Petey insisted on going back over to her favorite place at the pool...

...the lazy river. She would ride that thing the entire time we are at the pool if I let her.

It just makes her so happy!

I mean, seriously, that poor eye. It just kept getting worse. Luckily, sleep helped and he woke up with 2 normal eyes again.

So back to my gratitude, I was on a high. I just couldn't be grumpy when so many things seemed to be looking up.

Then Spidey got in a fight with Petey's bed post and I thought maybe my high was over. I was so worried for a while there. He had hit his head and his head and I actually worried about his thumb bring broken because he wouldn't move it for a while. Luckily, he just has a super awesome goose egg to show for his battle.

And even a huge purple forehead can't get this boy down! He thought it was so cool that his head was purple. What a way to look on the bright side, buddy. He is such a boy.

So today is still looking up. I have so much to be thankful for. There are so many people that make my life what it is and I'm lucky to be surrounded by so much good.