I Stand With Cherish

You never think it'll be you---until it is.

You never think the police are going to show up on your doorstep or that you'll make a mistake that causes others to hate and ridicule you---until those very things happen.

Cherish and I were never super close but we hung out in the same groups. I've known her since junior high. I couldn't tell you a single bad thing about her.
And today, as I was scrolling through Facebook to procrastinate getting ready for work, her face popped up in a news article that read "Mom who forgot her baby in shopping cart tells her story".
And just like that, my heart sunk.

In that moment, I had one hope---that her baby was ok. I didn't judge her or think that her mistake should cause her to lose her parental rights. I didn't even consider the ridicule she must be facing until I started listening to her interview.

There were flashbacks and fears that crept in as I listened because although I haven't been in her shoes, I've been in similarly imperfect ones. I've witnessed what mistakes can do. And I've also witnessed the beauty surrounding those ugly mistakes.
I've cried tears of worry, embarrassment, and sorrow. I've wondered if anyone would ever understand or be able to love me the same. I wondered if my choices would dictate how others look at me.

It's a scary, and usually lonely, place to be. But as I've gone about my day today, I've been filled with hope. I've seen people rally around the Peterson's and tell their own stories of their own imperfections.

When you go through something so IN-YOUR-FACE scary, you find out who your real friends are. You are able to see who is going to be there through the messes.
It's hard.
And it's beautiful.

The truth is that this could've been any of us. Didn't I JUST say that in a blog post a month ago? Maybe these stories hit me so hard because I feel like I'm right there but each and every time I read these, my heart aches for the mothers and fathers who love their children so dearly and are raising their children in a safe environment---and yet they now have to fear their children being taken away.

I've been there. Exactly there. And it isn't fair for Cherish. It isn't fair to the others whom this has happened to.
And the most unfair part is how social media users have treated her.

My favorite part of the raw video interview was when Cherish's husband said that he was surprised to realize how many perfect people there are in the world.

Because clearly, those people judging this family or my family or your family have never made mistakes before. Clearly.

Clearly, those people who chose to steer into a panic room at the thought of no charges being filed against Cherish have never done ANYTHING that other people could label "imperfect".

And if you have? If you can read this blog post or listen to Cherish's interview and still tell me no incident from your own life came to mind that could ever be considered imperfect, I'd advise you to hold off casting that first stone---because it still could've been you.

It could've been any of us.

Tomorrow, you might find yourself in an abnormal routine and you might make a mistake. You might forget your wallet---or your child. And although one is obviously WAY more important than the other, it is just as possible to forget one as it is the other.

Really, people, let's consider how much we all LOVE our smart phones (except for me because I still have a dumb phone). Let's consider the amount of time we spend on our phones.

Have you ever left your phone at home or somewhere else on accident?

Chances are, you have. And chances are, you feel a sense of security when you have your phone and it is pretty important to you.

Maybe not as important as your child (Gosh, I hope not) but still...important. And you've left it somewhere before.

When we make these incomprehensible mistakes that cause the police to get involved or CPS to tour our homes, it can be the scariest thing in the entire world. If you haven't experienced this, you can surely take my word for it.
And the worst part isn't the haters. The worst part isn't the other imperfect human beings claiming they would never be in that same situation.
The worst part is how much we beat ourselves up. The worst part comes from within.

Forgiving ourselves for these types of mistakes is the hardest part. It is the hardest, most painful part. It doesn't come easily. It takes time and energy and a lot of support. It takes trust and oh my goodness, it takes God.

It takes God.

So stand with me or walk away but I stand with Cherish. There isn't a thing being said about her that wouldn't be said about hundred of other parents who've made mistakes that WEREN'T on the news---and that includes me.

So stand with us---or be quiet. Keep your judgmental thoughts inside your brain and process them on your own.

Because if/when you are in a similar situation as this one and the police come knocking on your door, you might just be praying that if others aren't going to stand by you, that at least they will stay quiet.

Kindergarten: Round Two

 If there's one thing I've learned it's that divorce has made me a more protective mother.

Because I was there in the middle of the night, stroking the hair of a crying child who missed their dad. I was there when the confidence level shifted and there was worrying about stability and abandonment.

I watched it all.

And I have to tell you, over these past few years, my children have been some of the most incredible warriors I've ever seen. They've taught me so much about bravery.
I mean, I'm the adult and I haven't handled the past few years as eloquently as I could have but these kids? They've been amazing, all things considered.

Tonight I want to focus on my little man. I've had thoughts of this post in my head for about a month now but I wasn't sure if I could explain it or get through it without crying or breaking down---because my little man is so amazing. So so amazing.

From the time he was young, I knew he was sent here for a reason. I know, I know, we could each say that about each individual child but there was something different when Ninja was born.

I was protective of this boy. I remembering breaking down when he was a week old because we had visitors over and I hadn't held my boy in over 20 minutes. As I cried and the visitor kindly handed him back, I kept thinking, "What the heck is wrong with me? How could I miss a baby that was sitting right next to me in someone else's arms?"

I seriously thought I was crazy.

It's a little funny to me that I am so attached to this boy. He gives me a run for my money. He was our poop painter, our permanent marker wall artist, and he has a hard time not getting too aggressive with other kids when he's playing.
His listening skills aren't great---they're almost non-existent---but we've always been close.

When his dad left, I was so scared for this kid. I was afraid of what divorce would do to his little heart. He was only 3 when we separated.

And over the past two years, I've watched some significant changes in him and some of them have been messy.

I was scared about Kindergarten. I was seriously so so so so scared. I don't want my son to be labeled a 'problem' because he can't sit still or because sometimes he still has daytime accidents. I was worried about him because he isn't a big fan of academic work and he would much rather watch tv or play video games---both of which I try to limit in our home.

Leading up to the first day of Kindergarten, I was worried about whether his teacher would care about him and be able to help him in the best possible way---and I wasn't sure.
I wasn't sure because I don't believe anyone can be the kind of mother that I am for Ninja.

Sidenote: The irony?

Many times over the past year, I have argued with my therapist that I'm not an outstanding mother and that many women could do a better job than me. Each and every time, she would shake her head and disagree---firmly. And leading up to the start of Kindergarten, somehow I can see it now.

I can see how I am the best mother for this boy. It isn't a perfect job but it is what Ninja needs from me right now.


I was still worried on the first day of school. He looked so adorable and our morning was so positive so I made sure to keep my worries to myself so they wouldn't show. As I dropped him off, I felt ok about leaving him with his teacher and I smiled as I got in my car and started my drive to work.

But when I got on the freeway, I was a mess. Tears started to stream down my face and I realized these tears weren't about my fears for Kindergarten but somehow, I hadn't even thought about the fact that it is HARD to accept that my BABY is in school full day.

Because in my perfect world, I would be a stay-at-home mom right now with two or three more children running around this house. In a perfect world, I didn't plan on Ninja being my baby and I certainly didn't plan on ALL of my children being in school full time this soon.

I called my mom and she talked to me the whole way to work. I'm grateful she answered her phone that morning because I needed her to tell me this is all going to be ok.

You'd think this was the end, that our "Starting Kindergarten" story is over but it isn't quite wrapped up yet.

I had picked Ninja's particular school for two reasons: the full day schedule and the curriculum. The bus came and picked him up right at our neighborhood school and it seemed perfect.

And it was perfect---until he got home from school at 4:30 on the first day. Or when he got home at 4:45 on the fourth day.

I started to panic a few days ago when I realized this schedule wasn't working. I didn't want him gone so late and he wasn't doing well in the evenings after sitting on a hot bus for an hour after school every day.

So yesterday, I made the decision to switch him over to our neighborhood school. I called them, set it all up, and went in to sign him up this morning.

He even went with me to take a peek at his new-new school.

I am hoping that tomorrow goes well and that Ninja has another great first day of Kindergarten.
He is excited and I can tell he's a little nervous but I feel so much peace when I think about him being so much closer to me and to our home.

I'm still worried---I don't think that'll ever end---but at least I feel much more at ease.

Parenting is hard. Parenting school-aged children is hard. Parenting children of divorce seems extra hard. But we can do hard things.

In fact, we do hard things. Every single day.

I'm proud of this brave warrior that I get to call my son. He is so special and I feel so lucky to be able to raise him and watch him grow.

Our Very Best

This morning, I was supposed to be doing homework---which seems to always be the story of my life.
The kids were enjoying a "movie morning" with my little brother and I was here, sitting at this very computer, when an article caught my eye.

It was entitled, "The day I left my son in the car", and although I've read a hundred articles of children dying in hot cars, for some reason, I knew that this article wasn't going to be about that. I had this weird gut feeling that this would be a story that I'd find myself feeling rage and empathy and sadness for.

And I was right. 

As she bravely told her story of the day she made a split decision to allow her son to stay in the car while she ran in the store to buy something, I was hoping the outcome would be different than what I expected.

It wasn't. 

The quiet lady who recorded the whole thing and called the police as this mother drove away with her son. The lawyers and court dates and criminal charges. The labels of neglect and unfit parenting.

This could've been you or I. It could've been someone we look up to as a parent. It could've been anyone.

Maybe we wouldn't have allowed our child to stay in the car and play on the iPad for a few extra minutes but more than likely, there would be something that an outsider would believe to be "unsafe parenting" that we could be written up for.

This story brought back an immense amount of anxiety because I've witnessed this before. In fact, I've had personal experiences where my parenting flaws have been viewed as neglectful and even malicious.

And as I've experienced this firsthand, I've struggled with whether my belief in my own parenting style is just a false sense of security I've built. I've wondered if I'm just lazy and incompetent and overconfident in how I parent.

Am I a good mother? 

For a while, I struggled with the thought that there are people who don't believe I'm a good mother. But I've come to the conclusion that there are also people who think you're a bad parent---there will always be those people. 
Whether they judge because they don't know the full story or they judge because they just don't have the same views, it's ok that they think you're a bad parent. It's ok that they think I'm a bad parent.

It's not ok for our different beliefs to turn us against each other. 

I believe a lot of us are "helicopter parents" because of the stories we've heard. We hover over our children because we don't want to be the next mother in the news who let her children walk to the store alone and got her children taken away because of her choice. We are afraid of what others will do to us if they see our parenting flaws.

Even as I type, I can't bring myself to give you examples of decisions I've made regarding my children that others may not deem safe or age appropriate---because what if I write them down and someone turns me in because they don't agree with my views?

It's a valid fear. It's valid because it has happened to the people we love. It is valid because we've seen parents get their children taken away for exact split decisions we have made with our own children.
The only difference is that there wasn't an on-looker who deemed our choices neglectful and we didn't get written up.

But the mother in this article did. And it has happened many times before.

One decision can change you're entire life. We've all heard this statement but what happens when this statement becomes you're parenting nightmare? What happens when you're faced with the fear that your children might not be in their own beds tonight because a court system found you unworthy of raising your children?

This thought gives me anxiety but it also makes me angry.

So many of us are trying to do our best to raise our children to be successful on their own someday.
I know, for me, that is one of my main parenting goals. I have one child who is incredibly responsible but fearful of leaving my side. I have another child who isn't as responsible but would be totally fine leaving my side.

With each of these children, I want them to learn how to grow up and be responsible for themselves. I don't want them to fear life or be afraid that something bad will happen to them.

I'll admit, I've had visions of my children being snatched up by a stranger or getting lost in a crowd. I fear their safety even while they are at school. I am a paranoid mother.
But I try so hard not to let my paranoia deter my children from learning and growing.

It scares me to think of them riding their bikes around our neighborhood without me right next to them. It scares me to think about them going to the movies on their own or staying home without myself or a babysitter. But someday, these things are going to happen.

Someday they are going to be able to make grown up decisions on their own.

And shouldn't I, as their mother, be able to make the decision of when they're ready for that responsibility?

We can try and protect them the best that we can but our children are still going to get hurt. They are still going to make mistakes.

And my goodness, we are going to make mistakes too. We are going to do everything we can to make the right parenting decision and one of these days, it will bite us in the butt because someone might not agree or our children might get hurt.

But we teach them the best that we can. We try our damndest to keep them safe when we can.

Our best might not be good enough in the eyes of others but it is all we can do.

Build A Bear Awesomeness

In May, Petey made a new friend. I had been trying to get her together with my friend's little girl because it would work out perfectly---I would have my friend, Petey would have her friend, and Spidey had already made best friends with their dog, Rico (true story).

So school was out and these girlies started playing together. One day, Petey noticed her friend had THE COOLEST My Little Pony stuffed animal and she asked where her friend had gotten it.

The answer?

Build-a-Bear.

Of course, for days, Petey was at my heels, begging me for one, telling me she needed one. She just had to have that MLP Build-a-Bear or she would die!!!

But I had no intentions of paying for the overpriced stuffed animal because 1) I'm cheap and 2) we have SO MANY stuffed animals. So I told Petey she was welcome to do chores to earn money for her Build-a-Bear trip.

And my goodness, was she determined! She earned a quarter a chore and after 6 weeks, she had around $12. It was kind of depressing. She would ask me all of the time if she had earned enough money and I kept having to tell her she hadn't. So I decided when she did bigger chores, she'd earn a little bit more.

During this time, Spidey had decided he wanted in the action so he would do chores every once in a while. But Spidey doesn't like chores as much as Petey so he hardly earned any money. I think he ended up with $7 after that 6 weeks.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, Petey kept asking when she was going to have enough money because it was taking FOREVER. I decided I'd give the kids the option of selling some of their toys to earn the rest of the money. And wow, Spidey started throwing all kinds of toys in his bag and within the week, he had more than earned his money for a Build-a-Bear.

It was great and exciting for him except Petey had been doing so many chores and working hard and now she was the one with less money. The reason being that almost ALL of her toys are things she just got for her bithday and she isn't ready to part with them yet.

But alas, she did sell a few toys and then the kids decided to sell one of their big toys and split the money and all of a sudden, we were there! They had done it!

So today, we headed over to Build-a-Bear!

We walked in the store and Petey already new her heart was set on Pinky Pie. She also had enough money for a simple bear so she chose a white one and got it a cheerleader outfit.

But my favorite part of the trip was when Spidey marched over to the bins and grabbed Rainbow Dash out and exclaimed that he had found his favorite one.

*Cue the giggles and squeals from both kids...seriously, SO MUCH excitement for their hard earned reward*

After stuffing the ponies and Petey's bear, Spidey and I were waiting while Petey picked out her bear's clothing and a little boy walked over and said, "Why are you getting a girl pony? That is just for girls. That's weird." and Spidey looked at him with confidence and said, "Uhh, Rainbow Dash is the fastest and the coolest. She isn't just for girls." He wasn't even phased by the question because he knows for sure that Rainbow Dash rocks. It made me smile.

I like it when my kids are confident. Because what the heck is the difference between my son liking Rainbow Dash and my daughter liking the color blue?

I'm all for teaching my kids about the awesome things about their specific gender. I am not pushing them one way or another. But I'm also ok with my son liking the same things his sister likes or vice versa. I just hope they're always confident and happy with their decisions.

And on that exciting note, enjoy this picture of my adorable children with their hard earned stuffed friends.

THEY ARE SO HAPPY!!!

PS: I guess I should also mention that the little boy's mom handled the situation quite awesomely and Spidey was quickly being apologized to...although he was a bit confused because he just didn't understand why someone was making fun of him for picking out the COOLEST THING IN THE STORE. Seriously, my boy rocks.

2014: Day 3

 My Parents:

Let me ask you one simple question, does it get any better than having your dad be your children's pediatrician?

Ok, I'm mostly kidding because there are so many other reasons I'm grateful for my dad but it sure doesn't hurt that he can give me medical advice whenever I need it.

I am the 4th child {and 4th daughter} in my family. I wish I had a million stories about my childhood for you because I'm sure there were many but I don't remember much about growing up. I was a really hard kid and as an early adult, that really embarrassed me so I never really talked about my 'young years'. I still have some funny stories but a lot of them are stories I've heard over and over throughout the years.

But alas, it was still a great childhood. My parents were troopers getting through raising me and still choosing to have 2 more children younger than me.

As a teenager, when my relationship was the furthest from my parents, I never could have imagined having a really close relationship with them. But something changed in all of us when my parents sent me to ANASAZI when I was four months shy of 18 years old. ANASAZI taught us all so many things about ourselves. I learned to trust my parents and they learned to trust me. I felt important and loved again. I learned how to be a trustworthy person and how to be more respectful.

Well, now I'm all old and grown up :) and I couldn't imagine not having my parents in my life. They are wonderful. They are extremely supportive of everything I do.

And aren't they just so darn cute together? Yes, it's true, old people love is gross, but they seem to pull it off pretty well.

In their lifetime, they've had 6 children---5 biological and 1 specially picked.
2 of those children are special needs and my mom is the best mom for those 2 children
4 weddings to help plan
10.75 grandchild
26 years of my dad in practice as a pediatrician
Probably a thousand different vacations {mostly on their own}---they've taken us to Hawaii twice, Alaska twice, San Diego, Carlsbad, Texas, and many other cities and states I can't remember. Those ones are just more recent.

I hope to someday look back and see that I've built a life like my parents. They've accomplished so much together.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that they are mine. Obviously, they gave me my crazy and I can't thank them enough for that. I love laughing with my family and playing games with them. We get together as a family often and I love it!

Really, they're just awesome. The end. Period. Done. No arguments.

The Princess and her Queen

My Petey is strong willed. It has been a long time since I've experienced what I experienced as her mother last night...like at least a year, maybe even two.

Ever since she was a baby, that girl has had a mind of her own. The five year old phase has been my least favorite and most favorite so far. Confused? I am too. My little girl is testing that five year old brain of hers and seeing how much she can get away with. Her attitude is feisty, her tone is often disrespectful, and she has a newfound love of the word no. On the other hand, when she is sweet, she is the sweetest and most helpful little girl I've ever met.

So back to last night. I don't quite remember what she had said or done but it was enough to earn her an early bedtime. As she was crying, screaming, wailing, and throwing toys at her door {which all seemed vaguely like my own childhood tantrums}, I prayed to know what to do. Her dad had had enough, her brother was now trying to sleep, and I couldn't figure out the best way to approach the situation. In my earlier parenting years, I would've ignored all of her actions no. matter. what. but for some reason, my heart tugged because of the things she was saying.

When I decided to go into the room of the tantrum-throwing little girl, she was full of tears and said to me, "I just feel like no one is being nice to me and I feel so empty inside." We layed down for quite some time together and I had the opportunity to pour my motherly heart out to that sweet child of mine. I tried my best to explain why we do what we do and how her actions have consequences. After a long talk and lots of hugs and kisses, she fell asleep almost instantly when I left the room.

As soon as I left the room, my mind turned to my blog post from last week. I thought about my wishy washy parenting and how it could affect my children for better or for worse. I believe, at least in this phase of life, that what I'm doing is the best thing I can be doing. I feel such a strong bond to the little girl that reminds me so much of me. Most of you who knew me growing up might be worried for my sanity and wonder why I'd feel blessed to be raising a child like myself but I am. I feel like her and I will have some of the hardest and best times in this life together. She is my little princess and I am her queen {her words, not mine}.

My Wishy-Washy Parenting

 I never thought I would be that mom. You know her. The mom that lets her kids stay attached to her side, let's them sleep in her bed, is sometimes a pushover when it comes to punishment. Maybe you are her and that's ok. I just never thought I'd be her.

I had visions of how I'd be when I became a mother. Those visions stayed true during most of Petey's baby-hood. I was not going to veer from my motherhood beliefs no matter what.

{Ha!}

And then one day, I had a sick child and I let that sick child sleep in my bed.

And I liked it.

 And another time, a scared little girl had a bad dream and how could my heart say no to comforting her the rest of the night?

As my kids have gotten older, I've realized that there is no one way to parent. I try not to judge the mothers that are strict and I try not to judge the mothers that are pushovers...because I am both.

 It's sometimes hard to make that split-second decision to figure out what my children need at that particular moment. Sometimes, they need strict and sometimes, when they do something wrong, they just need a hug. I try so hard to get it right each time but that doesn't always happen.

 I already know I'm not the ideal mother in the world's view. My kids eat processed foods all of the time. Playing on the floor with my children doesn't always come easy to me. Heaven forbid there be any yelling in our home---sorry, but there is. I also know that I have to work hard each day and pay attention to what my children need.

 Sometimes, it might look like my parenting skills are wishy-washy but I promise, I'm doing my best. I know these two beautiful babies better than anyone and I try to make the best decisions for them.

Parenting is a hard job and it requires a thousand tiny decisions on my part each day. As long as I know in my heart that I'm trying my best, I feel like I'm accomplishing something great here. I'm influencing some of the cutest kids on this earth and I feel so lucky to be doing so.

Sometimes simple things are hard

Sometimes, I wonder how I got where I am today as a parent. Petey was born when I was only 20 years old. Her first 2 years of life are kind of a blur to me and I have a hard time remembering what it ever felt like to just have her. I used to think I was really good at parenting and discipline but was I really?

I have hard days where I wonder if I'm making the right decisions as a parent. Am I pushing my kids too hard or not hard enough? Am I making sure they know that I love them? Am I teaching them how much God loves them? Am I teaching them that there is nothing more important than knowing God loves them?

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who wonders these things but after days like yesterday, I really have to step back and question if what I'm doing is right.  

In the end, when I seem to suck at making decisions regarding my children, Boss is always there to pick up the pieces I've broken throughout the day. He really is the best dad. When I'm too busy worrying about what I want for the kids, he reminds me of what they need. I lucked out marrying him and I absolutely know it.

I can do hard things...

I can do hard things...but it doesn't help when people are putting me down.

This post is not just for me personally but for many people whom I know have been put down when they are seriously doing the best they can.

When I became a stay at home mom, I quickly realized that the choice I had made to stay home was not an easy one. My kids are noisy, sticky, whiny, and I had to cook and clean on top of making sure they were taken care of. I soon realized that what my mother had been doing for my children years before that were not easy tasks.

But because I have been a working mother and a stay at home mother, I know they are both hard and I know I can do hard things!

I can remember back to those first few weeks I was home with my kids. I called my mom one stressful day and asked her how the heck she kept her house clean. She gave me some tips and we hung up the phone. About 20 minutes later, my mom showed up on my doorstep with cleaning supplies that I had told her I didn't yet have and she began to help me clean my home.

Since then, my mom has even once or twice stolen my house key (technically she owns the house I live in so I can't really get mad at her) and cleaned my house while I was out and she's even tried to deny it! ha!

My mom's funny that way.

So it makes me sad when I have friends saying they feel judged for their messy homes because my mom has taught me that a messy home is completely normal with small children running around.

Now that doesn't mean I don't try and keep my house clean but seriously, we live here. I could clean all day and there are still things that would be out of place. My kids play and eat. There are going to be dirty dishes and toys out of place. I just do my best and tell myself that the most important job right now is raising my children and giving them my attention.

Ok, so I didn't mean to take so much time on the clean house rant. But alas, I did and I believe everything I said and won't be erasing any of it. :)

Many times in my life, I have felt judged in so many other ways and the worst part is, I usually feel judged for things that I am 1. trying to work on already or 2. not really all that worried about.

I am overweight. This is just a fact. But talk to any PCOS sister of mine and you'll realize that losing weight is not easy without a lot of hard work. I go to the gym at least 4 times a week and that is about it right now. Eating healthy is not high on my priority list and even though it probably should be, my choices are mine.

It's hard to hear comments about your weight from people you love and start feeling totally inadequate.

Losing weight actually falls under both of the categories above for me. I am doing some things to work on it but I also love myself and am not all that worried about the size of my body. I'm a pretty darn great person and I have enough personality to fill a bigger body like mine. :)

 Losing weight is like looking up a steep hill and asking myself if I really want to start climbing it. I take it a little bit at a time and when I make a bad eating choice, I just try again the next meal. And I try and get myself to the gym as often as possible so I can have energy to keep up with my kids.
My mind is not as much worried about what I look like as much as how I feel on the inside.
So yes, when I tell myself I can do hard things and exercise, it hurts to feel put down when I'm trying really hard to build myself up.

Slightly unrelated but still kind of related, I have seen the things my PCOS friends go through and gosh darn it, I can sit here and tell you, we really can do hard things!

I really can do hard things.

Next subject:

I am a parent.

Parenting choices are a hot subject in life because many grandmothers, aunts, or random women feel like they know exactly what is right for our children. I don't mean to sound rude, especially if you are a grandmother, aunt, or random woman who has given unsolicited advice to someone you really love but seriously, can we all just take a minute and think before we speak? I can imagine in my mind a lot of different mothers I know. All of us have at least slightly different parenting styles but that doesn't really matter to me. I can imagine these wonderful mothers and if I asked myself whether they made parenting choices because they want to raise their children the best way they can, the answer would always be yes.

  So to all of you unsolicited advice givers out there, I know you probably mean well but just think about yourself in our situation. We are doing what we believe is the best way to raise our children and honestly, no two mothers really should be parenting the exact same way...because every child is different.
Heck, I don't even parent the two children that I have the same way.
I am hard on my kids when I need to be and I make sure and build up their confidence and self esteem as often as possible. But just because I do these two things does not mean that they are the same for both of my kids.
I deal with separate issues with my children daily.
My son is a hitter so I have to find consequences for him that may not be the same as his sister's.
My daughter is a sass talker so she has different consequences than her brother.

When my children make messes, I expect them to clean it up and if they aren't capable of cleaning it up, they sure as heck are going to be right next to me learning how to clean it up. Responsibility is something I strongly believe in.
I know many parents who don't believe that a 2 and 4 year old should have chores but that's what is great about being a parent. I get to raise my kids the way I feel is best and you get to raise your kids the way you feel is best! And in the process of it all, I hope we stop judging each other's choices and realizing that we are each making these choices because we love our children.

Have I ranted enough? Because I'm not quite done yet...but don't worry, I'm getting close.

The main point of this entire blog rant is kind of what I talked about back here. No one way to live life is right.
Whether it be a clean house, the way you look, the way you parent or really any other choices you make, they are right for you! And mine are right for me.

I love diversity. I love that we have different personalities and different looks and styles and even different opinions. I wish it was easier for everyone to embrace diversity, rather than think that only their certain choices would be best for every single person in the world.

Rant over.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Too Much Yelling!

My kids are crazy...

Often times, this is what I say when I'm finished yelling. They do crazy things that catch me off guard and I resort to yelling more often than not, especially if their craziness results in a mess or inflicting pain on someone else.

But I hate yelling. I hate the way I feel when I yell and I hate the look on my kids faces.

I've made "no yell" charts for myself before and tried other things but I've just gotten so used to yelling!








So when I came across  this article  entitled "12 Ways to Yell Less and Have More Fun Parenting", I knew we needed to make some big changes and I had hope that change is possible! Luckily, my kids are still pretty young and hopefully they can remember me as a peacemaker and not a yeller.

(Seriously, I have no idea why the above paragraph is shaded...I must've done something but I didn't mean to!)

I love the ideas in the article of ways to help us moms yell less and love more. I'm sure each of us can relate to one of the steps she says to follow. For me, I definitely struggle with planning ahead. I have these wonderful dreams of always having snacks and activities packed for when my children are out and about (Most recently, it's been remembering to pack snacks/activities for Spidey while he has to sit in a stroller and watch his sister have fun at her swim lessons.) but I just never seem to make it happen!

I remember my sister once telling me that I always had the mom bag, filled with fun things for kids and snacks in case anyone is hungry. And it's sort of true. There was a time in my life, a time when we were better off than we are right now, when I always stocked up on prepackaged snacks so I could grab them when we needed to run somewhere in a hurry. But that can't really be an excuse. If anything, all that means is that we are healthier eaters because we have less money. :) If I am going to take the time to prepackage my own food, I'm going to make it fruits and veggies or other healthier snacks.

I also yell more often when I'm not engaging myself in what the kids are doing. Obviously, they get into less trouble when I'm playing with them instead of on the computer or doing chores around the house. Also, if I am upset about something that has happened that they cannot even control, I find it harder to keep my emotions in check. But I have to! I have to remember that my bad moods don't need to affect them.

I often remind my husband that our kids are going to act how we act. How will they ever learn to have patience if we yell within seconds of them doing something wrong? We have to teach by example and be the type of people that we want them to model. They are not going to just turn into well behaved, obedient, patient children if we don't literally teach them what it means to be well behaved, obedient, and patient. We have to be what we want them to be.

Is anyone else feeling the pressure? Because I certainly am.

In a perfect world, we would all be on the floor playing with our kids 24/7, never yelling, teaching them how to be good people day in and day out...but reality is not perfect and we can't be perfect. Try as we may, we won't achieve perfection in this life and that's ok!

My very favorite part of the above article was this: "Most of all, if you do yell, be a good role model and apologize, forgive yourself, and try again next time."

Even though we can't be perfect, we can pick ourselves up and try to do better every day. That is definitely my top priority right now; to do better than I did yesterday. I always want to be moving forward in the right direction and I want to make sure my kids understand that though I'm not perfect, I am trying to be a good mother.

So here's to less yelling and more family fun!!!

And that's how Suze sees it.

Mommy Wars or Mommy Support Systems?

I'm sure by now most of you have seen the TIME magazine cover of a mother beastfeeding her 3 year old son (who, in the picture looks like he's about 6 years old).

And if you have, have you taken the time to read some of the colorful comments regarding this mother who strongly believes in "attachment parenting"?

I am definitely not going to sit here and say that I agree with attachment parenting or that I think older children should be breastfed but that isn't really the point I'm here to make.

My least favorite part of the magazine cover was the phrase, or shall I say challenge, that said "Are you mom enough?".

Am I mom enough to what? Breastfeed my toddler? Well, obviously not since I didnt even breastfeed my children when they were babies.

So am I not mom enough? Or am I just a mother who had struggles and decided against breastfeeding two times in a row and may or may not choose to breastfeed in the future?

What gets me is the word "enough" in this challenge to all mothers. Enough? Don't we, as mothers, struggle with that word daily.

Are we cleaning up the house enough?

Are we giving our children enough attention?

Are we skinny enough?

Are we disciplining enough?

Are we loving enough?

I could literally go on and on with rhetorical questions much like the ones above because as mothers, we often struggle to know whether we are enough.

And we are. We just don't always believe it because we are constantly being attacked by the media and by each other.

Whether one mother chooses to breastfeed til her child is 8 and another mom never tries to breastfeed a day in her life, both mothers are enough. We are enough because we are trying to do our best for our children.

While I don't agree with attachment parenting, I don't think a mother is a bad mother because she uses that method of teaching. I can accept that she is trying to do what is best for her child without believing in her method and using it on my own kids.

These things that people call "Mommy Wars" don't need to exist. I am friends with people that don't immunize their children and yet, I strongly believe in immunizing mine. I wont belittle a mom for her choice that she believes to be correct. But please don't belittle my choices either.

I'm not crazy, unloving, or psychotic because I choose to immunize, circumcize, formula-feed, or give medications to my children. It's as simple as having a different viewpoint and leaving it at that.

I'm not bad and neither are you.    

 

So please join me in building up the mothers around you. Join me in supporting each other because motherhood is hard (refer to my last post) and we really do need to support each other all that we can.

And that's how Suze sees it.

PS: Happy mother's day weekend!!! (I'm voting that we get the whole weekend this year...) :)

PSS: Please dont comment if all you have to say is that medications are toxins or that formula is like poison to a newborn or that immunizations will give my children autism. That really would defeat the purpose of my entire post.

Motherhood is...

Motherhood is...

-Happiness. It is teaching what happiness means and emulating that happiness so your child will grow up appreciating it. -Puting your children's wants and needs before your own. It is walking around like a giant for 3-6 months, some of that time in extreme discomfort, or laying in a bed only getting up to shower or use the bathroom, just to get your precious child into this world. It is sacrifice.-Exhausting. It is the best possible reason for exhaustion that I have ever experienced. In the almost 4 years I have been a mother, I have experienced exhaustion by the end of almost every day but I wouldn't give it up for anything. -Laughing when you don't feel like laughing. It is brushing off the little things, silly tantrums included, because you know what is more important. It is being a teacher by example and praying that your children recognize your actions. -Doing things you'd rather not do because it is worth the smile on your child's face. For example, fitting into a tiny car for a barrel ride around the pumpkin patch because your son isn't big enough to do it without you. It is worth the smile you see. It is worth the happiness your heart feels.-It is complete admiration for this little human being that you have created. You. Have. Created. Whether your creation comes through your own body or through adoption, YOU created this child. YOU taught them. YOU raised them. And YOU will love them for eternity.

Motherhood is hard. Motherhood is worth it.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Productive Days

What I have learned this week: I feel SO much better about my life and myself when I am being productive.
The week before New Years, some friends and I were talking at the park about resolutions. Everybody seemed to have different resolutions and one lady even said she didn't make resolutions because she doesn't keep them. This may be something that has been true in the past for me. I often don't look at my goals even the day after writing them. But not this year.
This month has been a success so far. I've studied my scriptures more, kept up with our Tot School, and today I did a temple session all by myself for the very first time. School has been so much fun for the kids. They love learning new things and having my full attention to help them with practie the things I am teaching them. Spidey is working on the color green this week......while Petey is working on the letters E, P, and the number 4. These papers are from the first day of the week. She has been a sponge for learning how to write her letters and I am impressed with how well she is doing.
I've also been trying to be a better mother, just in my day to day life. My kids are going to be little for only so long and I want to remember and enjoy these moments with them. Last week, we had some friends over for the whole day and it was so fun for me to be a mom of 4 for the day. Petey enjoys have a "baby sister" in the house whenever L comes over. I had to take pictures of my full car when we drove to the park. I love having my van and being able to fit so many littles in my car. Again, Miss Petey loves L. She was such a good little mommy and helped with anything I needed. And on a side note, these swaddler blankets are awesome and I am totally getting some before we have next baby. :)
It makes me happy to see my kids happy and to see them showing love toward others. Often times, I feel like I've done a pretty crappy job so far as their mother so it's nice when I catch them doing something and I know it's because of the way they are being raised.
I really lucked out. I have two of the best children in the entire world (though I'm sure every mother feels that way).
I know that I am striving to be a better mother and in doing so, I know I will get better at it a little bit at a time.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Why I Love 'Duck, Duck, Goose"

I was reading one of my favorite mom blogs this morning back in her archives about motherhood and parenting and although I absolutely love her blog, I kept thinking, "I'll have to come back to this when my kids are older like hers. I can't use any of this right now with my two young children."
But as I was clicking through some of her old posts, I realized that there are many things in this post that I can use in my day to day life with my children.
So I walked up to Petey in the midst of all the chaos ("The Chaos"= a 2 yr old, 3 yr old, and 4 yr old running through the house like wild geese, screaming and giggling as loud as possible.) and pulled her aside to talk to her.
I asked her what some of her favorite things to do are and she told me she loves Duck, Duck, Goose, Hide and Seek, and swinging on the swings outside.
So I turned off Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, gathered the two other children and told them we were going to play Duck, Duck, Goose. And we did.
And as we played and giggled (and screamed a little), I couldn't help but smile at the fun this simple game was. There are no losers in Duck, Duck, Goose. If you are the goose, you get to run and if you are already "it" and get tagged by the goose, you get to go again! Everybody wins in Duck, Duck, Goose. So today, I realized how simple it is to be 2 or 3 years old. There is so much fun to be had during these young years and I can already incorporate some of the things I'd like to do with them as they get older, like short little interviews to help my children know how special they are.
It is realizations like these that help me to know why I stay home and why we choose to live with financial difficulties for a few more years. Because money is not as important as being there for my children.

And that's how Suze sees it.

2012 Words and Goals

This past year was a tough one for me. Many times, I felt stuck in awkward or tough situations. I had good days, heartbreaking days, angry days, and thankful days.
So I've decided that in order to make 2012 a happier year, I'm going to have to do a lot more work to start appreciating the things I have.
I wanted to pick a word to help me in 2012 but I ended up picking 2. My husband says they are almost the same word but I need them for different reasons.
---Organize and Prioritize---

I picked organize mostly to appreciate and utilize the space we are living in. It may be small but it is our home and will be for a long time. There are so many ways in which I can organize my home life. Keeping my home clean is definitely the top of this list and is something I've been working on for months. I'm determined to make 2012 the year that my house can stay clean for more than 2 hours. :) I also want a more organized schedule and budget so that I can stay one step ahead, instead of feeling like I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Prioritize is actually my bigger word for the year. There are so many ways in which I need to use this word in my life.

• What is more important in 2012? Focusing on having another baby or appreciating the two that I already have?
• Make time for myself and care about the wonderful body God has given me.
• Make scripture study and temple sessions important and not just something I can do if I end up having time.

Going along with these two words, I wrote down some specific goals that I'd like to keep in 2012.

• Hold regular teaching sessions with my children. This week, we are focusing on the letter Y, the number 1, and the color red. Petey is working on the number and letter while Spidey focuses on learning the colors.
• Do a monthly budget and find ways to save money. I have made many budgets for our family but I think writing one down monthly to see where we are will help us save even more and make sure we stay on track.
• Take care of my body and exercise regularly.
• Learn more and care about my PCOS. In the past months, I've been pushing PCOS into the back of my mind and trying not to remember that I have it but that isn't the right thing to do. I want to learn more about it and focusing on getting myself healthier.
• Make it to the temple every month, with or without Boss. I know this sounds mean but that isn't how I see it. Boss gets very busy with school and often, I'll use his school excuse as an excuse for me not to go to the temple. But I have plenty of babysitters and I can get to the temple every month, even if he can't.

The test I've been failing

Yesterday and today have been hard parenting days. Thing #1 has been testing my patience and each time she tests it, I fail. And in the middle of yelling or spanking her, I think, "I don't want to be this parent!" And then at night, I practically pull my hair out trying to figure out how to do better the next day. I place my blame on the fertility but I REALLY need to figure this all out because if we aren't pregnant soon, we will still be doing fertility and I just cannot have my patience missing for much longer. Plus, once I get pregnant, we all know my hormones will make things hard for a while anyway. :)
So the blame needs to be placed on me. And no one or nothing else.
I am responsible for all that sass rolled into one very little girl.

One of the most important things I realized today is that I am responsible for teaching her how to react to any certain situation. So if I proceed to FREAK OUT when milk is spilled, guess what? She is going to freak out too.
Some days, I wonder if that is why she screams incessantly while she is in time out. Either that or she lets out some seriously loud 2 second screams every minute or so to let me know she is still angry. Because sometimes when I'm having a rough time, I go and scream it out in my room too!
And does anyone else's 3 year old lie? My girly has done it once or twice but tonight, it was blatant and obvious and it made me so upset. I had told her if she wanted me to read her Pinkalicious, she would need to finish her dinner. I left the room and not ten seconds later, she yelled, "Mom, I ate my dinner all gone." I walked back in and asked her where her plate was and she said, "It's not under the kitchen table." And there it was, still full of food. Her food went in the trash, she did not get anything else to eat tonight, and she did not get Pinkalicious read to her. Did I do the right thing? Am I too harsh? Too lenient?
Sometimes, I just wish I could have a parenting expert at hand to let me know when I am making the right parenting decisions. That would really be helpful.
I am trying my best to be the best mother for my children. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day for them, my husband, the house, AND myself.
I look at that list and I know I am the last one on it and that is ok with me. As long as I have some time to myself at night, I feel like I can give my family the rest of my day.
I feel horrible that I have been writing about only the bad from the past few days. The funny thing is, the days haven't actually felt all that bad. Those certain moments between my daughter and I have been hard. But the rest of the days have been filled with mostly happiness.
Boss and I have been on a Harry Potter kick and hae watched the first couple of movies. We have also loved playing Harry Potter Scene-It and Ticket to Ride together. These things happen at night on the days when he isn't at school and they are precious moments. They are as good a date night as any we've been on and I appreciate him being patient as I yell at him for winning for the umpteenth time (he always wins!).
My house has benefited. I still need to post the redo of the kids room but it is practically spotless! And stays that way most of the day! And I did laundry today and swept. It's going to take me awhile to get the house back in order since I've been sick and lethargic lately (Hi, fertility. I dont like you!) but I am getting there.
And the kids and I have done some fun things every day. They have been the hardest area of y life lately but I wouldn't trade them for anything. How blessed I am to be a mother! It is really all I've ever wanted and I get to do it full time, all day, every day. It is the hardest and most rewarding job and I am lucky. Stressed out but lucky. :)
I hope you are all getting into the Christmas spirit. We are having fun and enjoying (well, my kids are enduring...) the cold weather.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Why I stay home

I've seen two different links circulating through Facebook that have really made me think this week. One was from the Huffington Post and you can read it here. Another, my personal favorite, was a guest post written on one of the cute blogs I follow and you can read it here. Both posts talk about something that I am privileged enough to be able to do...stay at home with my children.

Over a year ago, my husband and I decided it was time for me to quit my job. Petey was a little over 2 years old and Spidey was 10 months old. I was elated to be home with my two little lovies and thought this would be the easiest and most fun thing in the world.

I was 50% correct.

And if staying at home is so challenging, why do I do it?

I stay home because I want my children learning my teachings and not that of a babysitter or my mother. As much as I love and trust my mother or our other babysitters, my husband and I have set goals and rules and want to maintain those certain things in our household. There were many things I told my mom in Petey's 2 years with her that my mom dutifully followed but it just wasn't the same as her having me home. My children have always loved me. I was never worried about our relationship. But there is no replacement for me. I am their mother.

On my hardest of days, when I've yelled too much, turned on the too many movies, etc, I wonder why I don't just leave them with their Grandma. Her patience is much better than mine and she is always thinking of ways to entertain my kids so they don't have as much time to fight or whine. It is on those days that I realize what I am doing. I am learning patience. I am learning to find activities and to dissolve fights. This isnt just for my children. It is for both of us.

We are both learning every day.
Currently, I am working on not yelling.
Petey is working on not throwing tantrums when she hears the word "no".
And Spidey is in the middle stages of learning our discipline policies; For example: If he doesnt finish his food, no snacks til the next meal. If he whines, mom ignores. If he hits, time out. Etc. Poor Spidey is at that very important age where he is being molded and learning a lot at one time. But he is taking it all in like a champ...sometimes. :)

If I weren't home, none of this would be happening. My kids would not have the relationship that they do with me and my husband (since he is actually home most of the time too).

Especially on those hard days, I am grateful that I get to be home. I am grateful that I get to experience ups and downs and in betweens with my kids. This life I live is priceless.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Rough Day

I expected today to go better than it did. We had been staying at my parents' house which meant church wasn't until 10:30am (not our normal 8:00am time). Breakfast went well, the kids watched some Veggie Tales, and we were all happy. And I even had time to curl Petey's hair. She looked absolutely adorable.
A few minutes into church and I knew it was going to be a rough morning. Spidey was acting up and crying and Boss took him into the hall. After a while, I could hear my baby screaming so I went out to check on them. Spidey reached for me and stopped crying as soon as I held him. We went into the mother's lounge and shut the light off and after singing about 10 hymns, Spidey actually fell asleep (Score!).
Of course, he woke up during Sunday School and so I tried to take him in to nursery. When we walked in, I noticed Petey's dress was all wet. Yeah---she peed her pants. I took her into Relief Society with me and she sat on Spidey's blanket.
I thought things had calmed down but then I got a text from Boss saying Spidey had thrown up and they were headed back to my parents'. So Petey and I headed back to my parents' as well.

As you can see by the consuming of foods as soon as we got home, Spidey's stomach was never the problem. We think he just screamed so much that he made himself throw up. {Thanks, Boss, for teaching our kids to love Reddiwhip}

Later in the afternoon, Boss and I headed back to the church for our temple recommend renewal interviews. When we got back to my parents', my dad informed us that Spidey had stuck his hand under the fridge and it got cut on something. No biggie, right?

Wrong. My dad had put a bandaid on it but 3 hours later, the bleeding still hadn't stopped.

Hello, Dermabond.

Poor baby guy wasn't too happy about the Dermabond and was fighting most of the time.

Grandpa put a bandaid on it but Spidey kept bending his finger which wasnt helping the Dermabond stick.

So Grandpa wrapped his whole hand in gause and made sure to wrap his finger so it would stay straight.

Of course, on the drive home, Spidey unwrapped the entire thing. When we got home, I rewrapped it and tied the gause so he couldnt undo it {hopefully}.

And then...Spidey started screaming a while ago in his bed. I went in to check on him and found him with his leg stuck in between the bars of his crib. And he kept saying, "Finger, owie, hurt." We gave him some Tylenol and turned on Toy Story (our lifesaver movie) and he is happy. Now if only he was asleep...

*sigh*

And that's how Suze sees it.

I was an angry momma

Today, we went to McDonalds. Every once in a while, my friends and I will take all the kids and let them play in the play area there.
We had been there for about an hour when I heard screaming from up in the play place. After a second, I realized it was my son's screams and so I ran and climbed up to him.
When I got to him, I found a 5 yr old boy sitting on top of him, punching/slapping him repeatedly in the face. As soon as the kid saw me, he jumped off of Spidey and went down the slide to his dad. Poor Petey was watching the whole thing and was yelling, "Stop it! Get off of him!" I'm actually glad that she didn't touch the kid because I'm sure he would've just hurt her too.
My poor baby was shaking so bad and when I finally got him down and out of the play place, I realized his mouth was bleeding so I took him to the bathroom to clean him up. I realized in the bathroom that his eye was a bit swollen and the whole side of his face was beet red.
When I got out of the bathroom, my friend, Lindsey, told me the dad didn't speak english (I think he was Chinese) and as flustered as I was, I just wanted to get out of there. When we got home, I sat in a chair and held my baby. He was still shaking and breathing heavy and I was still shaken up from the whole situation.

Davey tried to hold him but he would not leave my arms for over an hour. Poor guy wouldnt even talk to his big sister who was really concerned. He eventually let me put him down and we drove over to Grandma's so I could work with my siblings.

When we got out of the car, silly Spidey was plugging his nose and singing really loud. It was pretty funny and I was glad he seemed happier.

He napped the whole time we were at my parents and when we finally left after dinner, it was raining outside!

As soon as we got into our driveway, I let the kids out to play in the rain. The weather has been much more manageable the past few days because of the clouds and rain.

Look at that happy face.

The kids had a blast chasing each other around the driveway.

Then, we went inside and took a warm bubble bath. As you can see, Spidey's right eye is still red but at least, it isnt really swollen anymore.

Isnt he just so cute? You can also see in this picture that he has two cuts on his lip. Aside from those things, he also has a big scratch on his right cheek and a bruise on the top of his head.

It was an emotional day for this mama. I just wanted to hold my baby in my arms and never let him out of my sight again.

I know how much I've learned from today and what things I might have done differently. I didn't talk to the dad of the kid, assuming he didn't speak any english but when I got home, Boss asked me if the guy ordered food. I realized he had and so Boss thinks he can speak english. Also, I left without telling any worker at McDonalds. Spidey was actually not the first or last kid that we saw the kid hurt. Apparently, since Spidey was small, the kid hurt him more but many other kids were running crying to their parents. I wish I would've told someone at McDonalds so they could've tried talking to the kid or his dad.

I know I could've done it all differently but as my mom told me later today, I focused on my son and the fact that he needed me first. And I'll never regret that.

It's hard being a parent and making decisions on the spot. But I wouldn't trade being a mom for any other job in the world.

And that's how Suze sees it.