The good, the bad, and the 13 lbs I'll never see again...

I have very good days and I have days that take all the energy I can muster just to get through.

On the days that aren't good, I feel alone and I see only the tunnel vision of my trials.

On the good days, I can see my blessings and my vision is opened up to all of the good things in my life.

It's hard not to feel alone when you're closest friends don't quite understand what you're going through but I know they try. I'm so very grateful that they try.

Last night, I had a dream that I had a little baby girl and I got to be a stay at home mom with her being a newborn and it was heavenly. In my dream, I kept looking at her and saying, "This isn't a dream I'm going to wake up from, right? It feels real so it isn't a dream." Then I woke up. Sometimes I wish I could just keep on dreaming. But then I remember that if I choose to keep on dreaming, I would miss out on reality with Petey and Spidey.

The reality is that we're quite happy as a family of 4. Other people's lives seem to shake my ground and make me think I need another baby today but I don't.

I am so thankful for motherhood. My mom told me yesterday that maybe Heavenly Father isn't sending me another baby yet because I've already created 2 perfect ones and she is right about that. I know she was kidding but they really are perfect.

On a side note, I have lost 13 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I'm headed on a 50 lb weightloss journey {I know you've heard that before but I'm hoping to stick with it this time}. Petey told my sister the other day that I'm eating healthy to make my belly smaller so we can have more babies. I can't remember telling her that but it's slightly true. I do think that weightloss will help with pregnancy, if God intends for us to be 3rd time parents. But if He doesn't, I'd really like to be able to keep up with my kids all the time and be there for my grandkids and maybe great grandkids.

So...on that note, have a great day! I plan on making today a good one.