Her Seventh Year

It's hard to know where to begin because I've been thinking about the day I'd be writing this post for quite some time.

I have filled this post with a ton of pictures because Princess has had A LOT of things going on the past week.
She had a dance competition, dance banquet, end of the year recital and her 7th birthday.

Dance life has felt crazy lately.

Her banquet went well. She got a little diamond plaque for completing another year with her SNS team.

She got to spend the evening with her favorite dance friend, J.

And she got to give hugs to her favorite Miss Cassie.
Cassie is the teacher who took Princess under her wing this year. She gave her the opportunity to do a solo and believed in her when Princess started to doubt her abilities. Cassie was sincerely an answer to my prayers.

This hasn't been the easiest dance year for my girly. She has worked really hard and at the beginning of the year, she was getting a lot of recognition and her confidence was high. But due to a lot of factors, some of them regarding home life and some of them regarding studio life, she started struggling mid-year. As her mother, this isn't an easy thing to watch. I have wondered a lot this year if I was making the right decisions for her by allowing her to stay in dance but her solo really brought back some of her sparkle that had gone missing and it was nice to see her feeling so loved and appreciated.

Anyway, more on that late...

Princess turned 7 this week and I had big plans for her main birthday present. I planned on redoing the kids' room while they were with their dad from Wednesday to Friday. I stayed up late each night painting and decorating and somehow, it all came together!

When P walked into the house after school, I told her I needed her to go look in her room.

She walked in and looked around for a good minute or two, commenting on how I had put a desk in her room, etc. before she asked where her bed was.
Ha! That was her expression when I told her the room she was standing in was no longer her room.

When she walked into what is now her room, she started jumping and squealing and pointing out all of the things she loved about it. Ninja was pretty excited too, since he shares a room with her.

I bought this doll bed because she had told me a month ago that she wished she could sleep with her AG doll but that it was too uncomfortable. So now they can sleep close to each other every night.

I did all the painting on my own but some of my awesome friends helped me decorate the walls in yellow and gray.

Then we asked P if she would prefer to do presents on Friday afternoon or after her dance recital on Saturday.
Of course, she picked Friday.

So it was time for presents from her brother and I.

Ninja got her some craft stuff and that baby unicorn. She has hardly put the unicorn down since she got it.

I mostly just got her clothes for summer since they were things she was needing.

But she did specifically ask for a maxi skirt "because that's what big girls wear to church" so I made sure to buy her one to go along with her other clothes.

A few more crafts and she was done opening presents!

And boy, was she happy!

After presents, it was time to go down to the QC Arts Center for the kids recital rehearsal. The fun part, or super duper not so fun part, about having BOTH of your kids in dance is having them in two different time blocks. We ended up being at the arts center for close to 3 hours on Friday night.

And naturally, Princess found creative ways to stay entertained.

Saturday morning, we woke up to celebrate the BIRTHDAY GIRL. We did breakfast and then we had to start getting ready for recital.

I woke up feeling all sorts of nostalgia. We have done recitals at Club Dance for three years now and Saturday was Princess' last recital with them. I haven't really opened up about this because I wanted to wait until after her recital but she will not be returning to Club Dance for next year. We have nothing against Club. In fact, Princess had some pretty amazing teachers there and she is sad to leave but this year really showed me that Club isn't the right place for her at this time. It was a struggle for her not to make the Allstars team (and let's be honest, it was a struggle for me as well) and then she struggled not feeling like she was a good enough dancer for most of the year---and this is where mom decision comes in.
Princess doesn't want to leave Club. She has friends there and loves her teachers. But I already teach dance at another studio and I believe it will better fit the pace Princess needs right now. She needs smaller classes, more positive and laid back environments, and a chance to breathe this year.
She will be on company at my studio which means she will be dancing more hours but she will be performing a little bit less than this past year and I think it'll be better to have her with me more often.

This wasn't an easy decision for us because really, Club has been her life. It is all she knows about the dance world. And after the recital, I started having second thoughts because we love the people we have met. But I know she will love the people at her new studio too.

Anyway, I know that was kind of long and maybe it seems silly but this was a big deal for us! It's exciting and sad and scary and happy, all mixed together.

My girl did amazing in her recital. We ended up being there most of the day since she performed in the 11:30am show and her brother performed in the 2pm show.

She got to spend most of the day with her mom AND her dad and since she struggles a lot with our divorce, I am happy she had the opportunity to have us both on her birthday.

Per her request, we headed to Texas Roadhouse after the recitals were over because this girl is a steak lover! She finished her steak and then asked if she could eat some of mine. And I was proud of her for being brave enough to sit in the saddle while everyone sang happy birthday to her.

On our drive home, Princess mentioned that we hadn't had cake for her birthday.
Little did she know our favorite Lenahans had been decorating their house and baking a cake for her as a surprise.

She got to help decorate it and it turned out super adorable.

She was so happy to be able to play with her best friend and celebrate the end of her birthday with her.
And I was happy and so grateful for all of the love that was shown to her.

I think my favorite part was when A covered D's mouth during the blowing out of the candles.

All in all, it was an incredible and busy and wonderful week. Celebrating my daughter and watching her participate in something she truly loves made it a happy day for the rest of us.

I am in disbelief that my BABY GIRL is 7 but I am so proud of the little lady she is. I love her so incredibly much and would not trade her for anything in the world.

Happy birthday, Princess.

I am a Child of God

 Tonight was a night of reading old blog posts.

I was reading through the posts of when our separation began and when that separation turned into a divorce.

It was hard to read because I can remember the feelings I felt as I wrote. Even on the most uplifting posts, I know how scared I was in those moments. I know how raw those feelings were.

I read through a few posts about my kids. I was reading about how it wasn't fair for them to have to share their parents and go through these trials. I was so worried about them. Their sweetness had turned to anger and sadness that seemed to last months. Some of the ways they react to situations now are things I noticed had started after their dad left.

But I think of all the ways they've grown.

They were so little back then. I felt so guilty putting my 5 and 4 year old through a divorce. It didn't matter that we were extremely amicable in front of them or that we talked positively about each other when the other wasn't around. Scratch that, it did matter. But they could still feel the changes and the stress and the anger.

I keep thinking about how much I've learned this past year. I am a different person than I was. I am a better person than I was. I am more resilient and less judgmental.

And then I think about my babies. Physically, they look so much older than they did a year ago. But they have grown much more than that. They are different. They are wiser. They are closer to their Heavenly Father.

Often times, instead of giving my kids answers to their every day challenges, I ask what they think they should do. Then I ask them what they think Jesus would do. At ages 6 and 5, they are grasping the concept that they are children of God so strongly.
Every day, as they each leave the house for school or babysitters, I tell them, "Mommy loves you. Jesus loves you. You're a child of God."
One day, as Ninja hopped out of my car for preschool and my mind was thinking about the fact that I was running late and had a busy day ahead, all I said was, "Goodbye. I love you." and a few seconds later, he poked his head back in the car and said, "I'm a child of God, mom!"
I haven't gone a day without saying it since then.

Two days ago, my little Warrior Princess came in my room and handed me a piece of paper.

As I read the words "I have worth. I am worthy of love.", I couldn't keep myself from smiling and giving her the biggest hug.

She sees that message every day of her life when she walks in my room and for some reason, those are the only two sentences on my 'whiteboard of positive messages' she reads outloud to me almost every day.

These same messages have been on my white board for 6 months now. They all apply and help me. And in turn, they help her.

I remember the first day she read "I have worth" and asked me, "Mom, what does that mean?". I got to sit on my bed and explain to my little 6 year old what true worth is and where it comes from.
I pray every night that she always remembers.

We aren't a perfect family. They are not perfect children. I am far from being a perfect mother. But I don't think perfection is the ultimate goal on earth. Perfection is something we attain when Christ makes up where we fall short.

Every day, I try to become like my Savior and every day when I fall short, He sends me reminders that I am still worthy of Him. I always will be. Whether He has to make up 10% or 80% for me, He still loves me.

I'm so proud of my children. I am proud that I am their mother and that we are together for eternity. I am proud of the choices they make and the love they show toward other people.
I love who they are. I love being able to witness who they are becoming.

First Grade

I've never really been an overprotective mother. At least not overly protective.

I let them figure some of their sticky situations out on their own. Germs don't bother me. Kindergarten wasn't too hard for me to accept.

But there was just something about sending my six year old to school all day long that I wasn't dealing with very well. I assumed my anxiety would get better once I dropped her off that first day but we were late for school on the first day and I didn't even give her a kiss goodbye.

And for the six remaining hours before I'd see her again, I worried about what she was feeling, what she was doing, whether she was eating her lunch and making friends and liking her new teacher. It was a mess.

Of course, she came home all smiles and telling me all of the cool things about full day school and my worries were immediately eased. I even had tears in my eyes listening to how well the first day had been for her.

The second day was another story. My girl came home in tears because she had gotten a stop sign for something she didn't even do and that was a hard lesson for her to learn.

 Because sometimes even when we are telling the truth, life doesn't end up treating us fairly.

I resolved the issue with her teacher and after a ton of worrying about the future on my part, I felt at ease late that Thursday night. Holy rollercoaster day!

Day 3 was it's own kind of mess because Petey came home saying she had received two stop signs (both for legitimate reasons...talking!) which meant she had to sit out for 5 minutes of recess. She said, "I cried for a minute but then I realized it's fun to sit on the wall." Hmm...
So then I became the mother that worried my kid was going to start getting into trouble on purpose.

Gah!

 But my goodness, I am happy to report that although she tried to convince herself that sitting on the wall was indeed fun, she has done really well at following directions and listening to her teacher since then.

 Luckily for my anxiety, she has come home every day since then, all smiles and ready to tell me about each day.

 She excitedly talks about the new friends she's making and the old ones she gets to play with again.

 She tells me about how first grade is so cool because you get to study science and social studies

 and how eating lunch at school is quite possibly the coolest thing in the world.

 She likes to report which kids weren't listening and which ones were on their best behavior that day.

 This week, she came home to tell me she is the hall monitor all week. And boy, is she excited about that one! We had a talk about the responsibility that is in her hands as the hall monitor and how she should always be honest when reporting incidents to her teacher.

It has been an incredible whirlwind of two weeks for us!

And this is just the beginning!

There will be more tears, more fights, more smiles, more frustrations, and more learning opportunities.

I am so proud to be the mother of this kid. She is one of a kind. She is kind, loving, and sensitive and first grade is teaching her so much already.


PS: I took a picture of her every day for the first two weeks, to hold the same tradition as kindergarten. Here is the flashback to last year's collage. She has grown up so much!

Build A Bear Awesomeness

In May, Petey made a new friend. I had been trying to get her together with my friend's little girl because it would work out perfectly---I would have my friend, Petey would have her friend, and Spidey had already made best friends with their dog, Rico (true story).

So school was out and these girlies started playing together. One day, Petey noticed her friend had THE COOLEST My Little Pony stuffed animal and she asked where her friend had gotten it.

The answer?

Build-a-Bear.

Of course, for days, Petey was at my heels, begging me for one, telling me she needed one. She just had to have that MLP Build-a-Bear or she would die!!!

But I had no intentions of paying for the overpriced stuffed animal because 1) I'm cheap and 2) we have SO MANY stuffed animals. So I told Petey she was welcome to do chores to earn money for her Build-a-Bear trip.

And my goodness, was she determined! She earned a quarter a chore and after 6 weeks, she had around $12. It was kind of depressing. She would ask me all of the time if she had earned enough money and I kept having to tell her she hadn't. So I decided when she did bigger chores, she'd earn a little bit more.

During this time, Spidey had decided he wanted in the action so he would do chores every once in a while. But Spidey doesn't like chores as much as Petey so he hardly earned any money. I think he ended up with $7 after that 6 weeks.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, Petey kept asking when she was going to have enough money because it was taking FOREVER. I decided I'd give the kids the option of selling some of their toys to earn the rest of the money. And wow, Spidey started throwing all kinds of toys in his bag and within the week, he had more than earned his money for a Build-a-Bear.

It was great and exciting for him except Petey had been doing so many chores and working hard and now she was the one with less money. The reason being that almost ALL of her toys are things she just got for her bithday and she isn't ready to part with them yet.

But alas, she did sell a few toys and then the kids decided to sell one of their big toys and split the money and all of a sudden, we were there! They had done it!

So today, we headed over to Build-a-Bear!

We walked in the store and Petey already new her heart was set on Pinky Pie. She also had enough money for a simple bear so she chose a white one and got it a cheerleader outfit.

But my favorite part of the trip was when Spidey marched over to the bins and grabbed Rainbow Dash out and exclaimed that he had found his favorite one.

*Cue the giggles and squeals from both kids...seriously, SO MUCH excitement for their hard earned reward*

After stuffing the ponies and Petey's bear, Spidey and I were waiting while Petey picked out her bear's clothing and a little boy walked over and said, "Why are you getting a girl pony? That is just for girls. That's weird." and Spidey looked at him with confidence and said, "Uhh, Rainbow Dash is the fastest and the coolest. She isn't just for girls." He wasn't even phased by the question because he knows for sure that Rainbow Dash rocks. It made me smile.

I like it when my kids are confident. Because what the heck is the difference between my son liking Rainbow Dash and my daughter liking the color blue?

I'm all for teaching my kids about the awesome things about their specific gender. I am not pushing them one way or another. But I'm also ok with my son liking the same things his sister likes or vice versa. I just hope they're always confident and happy with their decisions.

And on that exciting note, enjoy this picture of my adorable children with their hard earned stuffed friends.

THEY ARE SO HAPPY!!!

PS: I guess I should also mention that the little boy's mom handled the situation quite awesomely and Spidey was quickly being apologized to...although he was a bit confused because he just didn't understand why someone was making fun of him for picking out the COOLEST THING IN THE STORE. Seriously, my boy rocks.

Dance Tryouts 2014: Thoughts About My Brave Little Toaster

This post is tricky because there are so many ways you could take it---as my wonderfully human readers. But if I could make a short disclaimer, I want you to know how grateful I am for the opportunities my daughter has. Not everyone gets to do what she does and she is one lucky little kiddo. That being said, I need to write down my feelings from this weekend.

My Petey girl is my life. Raising my kids and giving them the things they want is something I try very hard to do. I'd give them the moon if I could. I really would.

Petey is an extremely talented dancer in my eyes. She works very hard and practices constantly at home. She is always trying to learn new tumbling tricks and when music comes on, you will find her moving and shaking to the beat. She loves it and I love seeing the way it lights her up.

About 5 months ago, Petey realized that a lot of her dance friends got to take more classes than her and she asked me why one day. I told her it was because those girls were not only on her team, they had made an Allstars team and they took two extra classes every week and went to competitions a few extra times a year. She decided that day that she wanted to be an Allstar this next dance year. She worked almost every day to get her splits on both sides since that is something she's struggled to do and didn't like working on before.

Workshops for the tryouts came and Petey had a great first day. I even signed her up for an extra tumbling class with her favorite teacher and she got her kick-over for her back walkover. I was excited for her! The second day of tryouts, Petey started complaining of her tummy hurting and she was kind of a mess during workshop. She wasn't feeling well and I wasn't sure whether to take her home or keep her there. But she stayed and learned the rest of the dance.

By Saturday, Petey's stomach was still hurting but she had no other symptoms so we headed to dance tryouts. Miss Aly gave her some awesome advice and she seemed ready to walk in to tryouts. I looked in the window before her group was going in and I saw her crying with her dance teacher. Sigh...I was so torn! I really didn't know what to do because I didn't know why she was crying. Pressure was not Petey's friend that day. I think it all got to her.

Her wonderful teacher helped her regain composure and sent her in to try out. I couldn't watch that part but Petey said she did pretty good once she got in the room.

They posted the placements that night and my heart sunk when I realized Petey had not made Allstars. I don't know why I was thinking the odds were pretty good for her to make it. I have no explanation for that---probably just something my crazy mom brain did to give myself hope that Petey wouldn't be disappointed.

So then the biggest part I was dreading---I had to go tell my girl she didn't make the team she had wanted to make. I know, a good life lesson for a six year old to learn, right?
But I just couldn't bring myself to see it that way.
Petey has had the hardest time with this divorce and dance was such a highlight of her year. She has loved it. It has been "her thing". I dread giving her any bad news because I feel like she's had enough bad news for the year. But I walked in with a smile on my face and told her, "Guess what? You made tiny strut again this year!" and she immediately inquired about Allstars. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "It didn't work out this year." and I waited for the tears and the meltdown.

But it never happened.

Instead, my six year old warrior looked up at me with heavy eyes and said, "If you say it's going to be all right, I'll believe you, mom. It's going to be ok, right? I am still on the dance team and I still get to dance."

And this is the hard part to explain because you probably read that and are thinking, "Wow, good for her for having a great attitude!" and that is true. That is oh so very true. I love that about her. But it wasn't normal 6 year old behavior and it made my heart hurt because Petey has already learned a lot about disappointment and not getting things that are out of her control. Although they are good life lessons to learn, it makes me sad that her six year old life isn't as carefree as it should be. Divorce has done that to her. It has made her stronger and more resilient but it has taken a piece of her and forced her to be braver than most 6 year olds are. It has forced her to trust in the reliable adults in her life and look to them for assurance when she is feeling like she'll break. It has caused her NOT to meltdown when a meltdown would be ok---we are big advocates for melting down and then moving on at our house. It has been a good way for us to cope with life. :)

She didn't break that day and we are so happy she is still on the dance team she made last year---I just wish I could give her more. I wish I could control these things and give her everything she desires.

I've taken a few days to think about why she didn't make the team and I really don't think it had anything to do with her actual performance on Saturday. I think it has to do with her maturity and the meltdown she had in class and when I look at that from a dance instructor's perspective, it makes perfect sense to me. I trust her teachers and I absolutely love them. They have been such wonderful people and have loved Petey from the very first day she started classes with them two years ago. I love her studio. I love how she gets to perform so much but the cost isn't as much as most other studios. I love how much fun she has being surrounded by so many friends and kids that share her same desires.

I'm sure every one of those kids would love to be on Allstars. I'm sure there were other kiddos disappointed and other moms and dads that wondered why their child was overlooked. That is the hardest part about this dance thing. We all believe we are doing the right thing by advocating for our child but not everyone can be the best and make the highest team. I have Petey at Club Dance because I trust them and as hard as it was to get to that point after Saturday's sadness, I do trust them. I know they made their decisions for their dance teams but also for the goodness of our children.

Petey is strong. It's hard to see how awesome she can be because she is often quiet in class but one of the reasons I advocate for Petey so much in dance is because I see the change when she gets on stage. I was surprised the very first time she stepped on a stage and actually danced and smiled. She is normally painfully shy but put her on a dance stage in front of hundreds of people and she lights up! It has been amazing to see her growth and talent become something so incredible. I love seeing how happy she is. It is the best thing.

Like I said before, I'd give her the moon if I could. I really, truly would.

Her 6th Birthday

 Petey turned 6 yesterday.
Yes, you read that right...SIX! I can hardly believe that my baby girl graduated from kindergarten and just continues to get older. I keep telling her to slow down.

Yesterday, her dad spent most of the day with her so I got to see her for her class party (The most awesome part about having your birthday on the last day of school is that they have a party for you---or at least that what it feels like.) and then we went out to dinner before her dress rehearsal for dance.

 She loved eating at Joe's Farm Grill (free birthday food!). And that face, oh my goodness THAT FACE. She has quite the little personality and I love her so much.

 She really looks so much older already. I know---impossible, right? I am just getting used to the fact that it has been six years since I became a mother. This girl is my life! I love her so much!

I love Petey's attitude. She is such a helper. She is a very selfless 6 year old and loves making other people happy.

Petey is emotional. She is very dramatic and although this gets hard for me to keep my patience sometimes, I wouldn't change it because this girl feels. She feels the good and the bad and I love that she is sensitive.

Since today was Petey's last dance recital for the year, I have been thinking back to this time last year, when she was anxiously awaiting try outs to see if she could make the dance team. I remember those days like they were yesterday and now she has finished a whole year and learned SO much!

 Petey has a gorgeous smile. I love seeing the twinkle in her blue eyes when she is really happy about something. I love seeing her giggle when she plays jokes on her brother or I. She is a pretty funny kid.

Petey is a little princess. She loves to do girly things. She loves getting her nails done, wearing lip gloss, and PINK. She loves Hello Kitty, Minnie Mouse, Tinkerbell, and My Little Pony. Right now, her favorite movie is Teen Beach Movie. We watch it once a day... {don't judge...}

Petey loves to tumble. She is always working on new tricks and every time the tv is on and I walk in the room, she is in some contortionist position. She almost never stops moving.

Petey is still an eater. My goodness, she is always hungry! She eats the most out of anyone in our house and it cracks me up.

Petey is on the verge of reading fluently. She still has to sound things out but it's a lot faster than it used to be. She can figure out almot any word she looks at.

Petey loves chewing gum! Seriously. She asks for gum all of the time! And she will chew it for hours if I don't make her spit it out.

I love my six year old so much. I can't imagine life without Petey in it. She keeps me going when I'm ready to quit. She is my helper and my buddy. I'm so glad she is on summer break because I love having her around.

Happy birthday, baby girl!!!

2014: Day 2

 My Firstborn:
{Sorry, I'm already a date late on Day 2. I started writing this yesterday but then I got a migraine and couldn't go near the computer screen.}

Becoming a mom was something I always knew I wanted to do. There was no if, only a when. So when I saw that positive pregnancy test 4 short weeks after getting married, I could hardly contain my excitement. And then 8 weeks after that, I was devastated when I miscarried.

We found out we were pregnant the second time around about 5 months after we got married. This time, the excitement was at a minimum because I was scared.

On New Year's Eve SIX years ago, we had an ultrasound confirming what I already knew---we were having a baby girl. She was the first granddaughter on my side of the family and we were all excited.

On April 1st of 2008, I was put on bedrest for pre-eclampsia. I was only 30 weeks pregnant and was worried about this fiesty little girl coming early.

Six weeks after that, she was born. Only 5 pounds even. I hold babies that are bigger than that and can't even fathom that she was ever that tiny.

Petey is my best friend. Ever since she was tiny, I have loved dolling her up. I started making her bows when she was 6 months old and started making necklaces when she was 3.

 Petey is very trusting and we are really close. I know how to handle her personality because it is a lot like mine.

 Petey was born a firecracker. She spent the majority of her first 9 months crying. She walked at 13 months and started talking really early. She's always been very bright and grasps things really quickly.

 Petey has always loved to dance. She took her first dance class at age 3 and is now on a dance team at age 5 1/2. She loves when it's a "dance day". She practices at home constantly. In the past few months she has taught herself front limbers, back bends, tummy rolls, among many other things. Of course, she learns the basics of these in class but she will come home and make sure she learns them and practices on her own.

 Petey is also really goofy. She can make me laugh so hard sometimes.

 She is really helpful and loves to cook. Grandma has made bread with her many times and Petey soaks it all in and loves that special time with her Grandma.

 You already know this but Petey has piercing blue eyes. They are bluer than any other eyes I've ever seen. They fit her perfectly. She has always had a clear and powerful disposition. She is caring and kind. She loves everyone.

 On the other hand, she is nuts. :) She is so crazy sometimes and makes the funniest faces.

 She's been obsessed with make up since birth. She used to get into my lipstick all of the time!

 Petey has always been miniature. :) We are used to it now but it was so weird when she was little and her cousin started becoming her same size. He's 18 months younger and now he's a little bigger than her. We just make 'em tiny around here.

 Petey has always been an extremely good helper to me. She helps me cook, clean, and take care of her little brother.
Last night, I had a migraine and threw up twice. I was in bed at 8:30 and my kids were up playing. I called Petey in and told her I was sick and her reaction was, "What can I do to help you, mom?" I asked her to get her brother all ready for bed and go to bed. Next thing I knew, it was 1am and my headache was gone so I got up to make sure the kids had made it to bed safely. I walked into Spidey's room and there they were, dressed in pajamas, snuggling up next to each other and sleeping. I'm so proud of my big helper.

 Petey wears her heart on her sleeve. It's one of the reasons it has been hard to watch her through the last few months of trials. She cries more often, is angry more often, but is also more loving than ever before. Her emotions are tripled right now and I hope I'm able to help her through her hard times.

I could go on and on about this sweet girl. She is amazing. Sometimes, I just can't even believe that I really get to be her mom forever and ever. I feel extremely lucky because she teaches me every day. She is my best friend and I love her so much.