Friday, June 29, 2012


I have a special sister. I know I've talked about her before but here's a recap.
She has autism. She doesn't talk but understands what we say. She can read and is very smart. 
Oh, and she's super adorable.
 One thing that I don't like is that my sister is a pincher. But really, who's to say I wouldn't pinch people if I couldn't convey my thoughts to them? I feel bad when she gets frustrated but it REALLY hurts when she pinches.
I've always been close to my 2 younger siblings (both who have special needs). Ever since I've been a mother, I've tried very hard to teach my children that their aunt and uncle are special people. I know that my sister can seem scary to little kids because she hums and rocks back and forth and they've seen her get angry and pinch me. There have even been times that she has hurt them out of anger. So it makes me sad when I hear Petey randomly tell other people that "Aunt Candace likes to pinch people." and that "Aunt Candace is really mean."
But there are so many times that Petey randomly likes to tell people that "Aunt Candace is a special person." and I love it when she sees someone else that is handicapped and whispers to me that they were made special by God. I really believe that my kids are blessed to have an aunt and uncle with special needs. Even though my sister gets frustrated, she is such a special spirit to be around. I know she was sent here to teach us.
I'm also really grateful that she is the only sibling that hasn't (and most likely won't) gotten taller than me. :) Thanks for staying short, Candace. I appreciate it.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Answered Prayers

I did not expect to be so unproductive today.
But you know, I also didn't expect for a certain little blue eyed beauty to keep me up half the night.
Before she even went to bed, Petey was afraid of having nightmares. I'm not quite sure why but I felt bad and let her stay up later than normal. When she fell asleep, I took her in bed with me so she would feel safe and I spent the next hour and a half listening to her cry in her sleep and trying to get some sleep myself.
Finally, I decided to completely wake her up and we said a prayer that she would be able to sleep with no more bad dreams...and it worked. I'm serious. It did take her a while to fall back asleep but once she did, she slept peacefully for the rest of the night.
So today I am grateful for answered prayers, even when they seem so small. I know that answers to prayers like the one we received last night are going to help my daughter have faith and know that Heavenly Father is watching out for her and loves her.

So even though I'm feeling like I was hit by a train today, I am grateful for last night and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Lessons from a 2 year old

When I became a mother, I thought I was going to be the teacher.
Sure, I've taught my children their ABC's and how to count to 10 but I would've never imagined that they would be the ones to teach me more.

My kids have taught me one of life's most important concepts.
They've taught me how to laugh when I'm having a bad day.
 The life of a 2 year old: In the same day, this kid laughs and cries at least 10 times each.
 And he has taught me to do the same. I'm realizing it's ok to be sad AND laugh in the same day.
Seriously, laughter really is the best medicine. I have such a hard time staying sad when I'm around my children.
When I'm stressed out about infertility, money, school, etc., I can always count on my kids to make me laugh and help me to forget about my stressors. I know they were sent down here from Heaven to help me and teach me.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Proud Mommy Moments: Criss, Cross, Applesauce!

Last Friday-Saturday, the boys all went to do some male bonding at my parents' cabin and so us girls got to have a sleepover.
Saturday morning, we decided to make applesauce. My parents have a huge apple tree and they get way too many apples to just eat so my mom usually makes bottles of applesauce to use throughout the year.
After making a couple of batches, we decided to take a break and eat some of our applesauce.
Neither of my kids have ever liked applesauce. They both love apples so I'm guessing it's a texture thing.
 But Petey wanted to give it a try with tons of sprinkles in it. She was sure that would make it taste better.
 She was still pretty happy before she took the first bite...
 ...and then her smile faded.
But my girl made me proud and kept on eating. She finished about half of it, which was good enough for me.
 And in the end, she was all smiles.
She even went out and helped Grandma pick vegetables out of the garden. And not only did she pick them, she washed them all so she could take them to her Nana and Papa later that day. Seriously, this girl is always thinking of others. I am so grateful for her example to me of how to give service with a huge smile. She makes me proud of her every day.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I'm a Mormon

On Monday, I went out to lunch with my kids and unfortunatly found myself sitting at a table next to a group of businessmen and two women, all looking to be in their early 30's. After settling down and getting my kids their food, I heard one of them say the word "Mormon" and my ears perked up. Then for the next 30 minutes, I had the misfortune of listening to them talk horribly about Mormons, give reasons as to why we are not Christians, laugh about how they bullied a Mormon guy that they knew, and call us idiots.

So I'm here to tell you why I'm a Mormon and help you get to know me.

One thing that stood out to me when these people were talking was when one of the guys said that we are snobs and freaks because we try to make ourselves different than the rest of the world. Well, let me explain to you why I try to be different.

This world is a scary place. Girl's clothing is getting skimpier. Divorce is at a seriously high rate. It is becoming normal to have sex and live with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance before marriage. Drugs and alcohol have become something that most people do or at least have tried. And Sunday has just become another day of the week.

So if not making the choices that I mentioned in the above paragraph make me a freak, then heck yes, I'm a freak! I will proudly be a freak if it means living my life to a higher standard than what is considered "normal".

But in all seriousness, I am not a freak. Just because I choose to not have sex before marriage and I choose to make sure my clothing covers my body, I am still a normal person. I still have feelings. I still laugh and joke and I still cry and hurt.

What makes me the most sad about the conversation I overheard was that these people were claiming to be Christians and were claiming that I am not a Christian. In my eyes, a Christian is a follower of Christ. It is someone who decides to do as Jesus would do and try to pattern their life after his. Since Jesus Christ was perfect, I can guarantee to you that he never bullied anyone. I can guarantee he didn't talk badly about others. So we, as Christians, should be trying our best to do the same.

I cannot think of a time in my life where I have called someone an idiot because of their religious preference. I cannot think of a time that I wasted an entire lunch hour talking horribly about someone else's religion. I also cannot think of a time that I thought bullying was funny.

So even though I am not a perfect person, I try to be a good Christian. I try to do as Christ would do and love everyone. I make mistakes every day but I pick myself back up and try again the next day.

If you want to know more about who I am as a Mormon, just ask. Don't assume. I am no freak. I am just a person who believes in my church and believes in the standards that I live.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

"White Patooties"

The program I normally use to "censor" my children's nekkedness in pictures shut down so I did my best to edit them in Picasa.
But seriously, does this not make you laugh? Hmm...which one of my kids tans and which one doesnt? Also, which one swims every day and which one doesnt? :) Her little patootie is so white! It makes me laugh everytime she gets dressed.

Today was a good day. Actually, yesterday was an awesome day but today was also good!
Yesterday, Boss got home from work early and we started our family night with swimming at my parents house. Then we went to Sonic and got yummy drinks and came home to watch a family movie together. I love spending time, just the four of us. Since Boss works, I do a lot of things just with the kids so I absolutely love when he gets to spend time with us too.
Then today. Today Petey did great in swimming lessons and then we went swimming at my parents house {again}. I worked with her for a while and then it was time to work with Spidey.
Oh that boy.
At first, he cried, "I want my floaties back on!" but after 5 minutes, he kept letting go of me on purpose and swimming underwater. He is still not great at swimming but at least he tries and loves it! So my next goal is to try and get him floating on his back before the end of the summer. It would be so nice to have both kids comfortable in the water.

And that's how Suze sees it!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day

I used to think that Father's Day was a bit silly.
Not that fathers don't deserve recognition but I just always thought it was funny that on fathers day, the fathers wouldn't have to cook or clean or change diapers, etc.
In my mind, most fathers didnt do that anyway. And that doesn't make them bad. But in most traditional families, mothers do the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids and fathers go out and provide for the family.
But I still loved Father's Day. I loved getting up and making my dad breakfast in bed and making him homemade cards and coupon books for free foot/back massages and also free smiles and hugs. My dad always loved our coupon books and made sure to use them throughout the year.

Then, soon after getting married and having our first child, it was Mother's Day that started to seem silly...because I was the one who didn't normally cook and Boss was a full time stay at home daddy.
Those first Mother's Days were still special but I didn't relax much more than any other Sunday because normally, my husband was the one not relaxing anyway.
And now that I stay home with our babies and raise them while my husband works, he still cooks on Sundays and is always helping me clean and take care of the kids.
So Father's Day has become a day that I try to make special. I don't want him getting up and helping make the meals on Father's Day and I try to make sure I'm getting the kids ready all by myself.
(It probably would've been nice to have the house clean for him this Father's Day but...that didn't happen.)
I try to show him in these little ways how much I appreciate all of the hard work he does.
 My husband is always helping somebody. That is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. I love his willingness to serve and I often feel bad for not being a better homemaker to make his life easier (I'm working on it.). So Father's Day is definitely HIS day. It is the one day of the year I don't let him help me with things! It is the one day of the year I suggest he naps as long as possible in the afternoon.
But even though Father's Day is the day we recognize how awesome our dads and husbands are, I hope we all recognize them and show them how grateful we are for them every day. I hope they know how special they are. There is no way I could replicate what my husband does for our children. He teaches them so much that I am not capable of teaching them. Together, we make a great team and hopefully our kids will recognize that when they grow up and appreciate how wonderful their dad is.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

We have a swimmer!

Are you sick of these posts yet?
Well, I couldn't resist another one...because this little girl is a champ! All of a sudden, she is actually swimming. Not just kicking and pushing through the water but coming up for air on her own and swimming far!

Yeah, if that's not swimming, I don't know what is!

Also, in the second video, I taught my smart girl that if she gets tired and doesn't want to push up for a breath that she can just start floating and take a break in the middle of the water.

And last, I taught her that after jumping off the diving board, she can float before swimming to the side.
People, this all happened today. Within an hour. Wow! That is my girl! I couldn't be more proud to have a swimmer. It makes me feel so much more comfortable around water with her.

And that's how Suze brags.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Sentimental With Emphasis on the Mental

Sometimes it is really hard having all of your older sisters pregnant when you can't get pregnant.
I mean, really? All of them? None of us really planned to be trying around the same time and yet, we must've been on the same wave link because we all tried...and 3 of us got pregnant, with me being the only one that hasn't.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
For the past few months, I've sometimes even forgotten that I'm infertile but not these past few weeks.
Lately, it's just been one hard "infertile" day after another.

On a side note:
Other than infertility, my life is great! Not perfect but I don't really have complaints.
Boss is deciding to switch his major and though I was frustrated at first, I'm actually happy and feeling really good about that. We had just hit the halfway mark in school and this may add on a semester or two but I don't really mind it. He has a job. I have a job. The kids are healthy and adorable and I have no complaints!

But back to the point:
I know we will have a baby when it's right but as I watch my kids grow and see so many people around me having babies, I just get a little sad and wish I was right there with them.
It's a hard thing to explain because it seems that the more time that passes, the easier and harder it gets to have infertility.
The easier being that I'm much more used to it and have accepted it as part of my life.
The harder being that the longer it takes to get pregnant, the less hope I have of getting pregnant again.
It is hard to watch my sisters with their growing bellies (and one of them already with her baby out of her tummy) and I know it won't really get easier to see people close to me announce pregnancies but life can't stop for everyone just because I'm going through a trial. And I would want others to be happy for me if I were pregnant so I do the same for those I love.
What makes it a tiny bit easier is the love that I have for my sisters. I'm so lucky to have the 4 of them and they can always make me smile (they're also pretty good at making me angry...). :)

I know this will seem like such a short time once it is all over. I am already so blessed and I'm quite happy with my life...I just wish there were more of those cute babies running around my house. I blame my baby hunger on my children. If they weren't so adorable and good, I wouldn't want anymore! :)

It just seems like it's been so long since I've carried a baby in my tummy.
Today we were watching old family videos and I missed them being young. It will be 3 years in October since I had a baby in my tummy. How is that even possible? Spidey's still a baby!
I feel so lucky to be able to witness all of the wonderful things my "babies" are accomplishing.
Petey starts dance again in August (to replace preschool since we're not putting her in it) and is just growing up into such a polite little lady. She is the exact personality of her mother and is super shy until she trusts somebody to not run away when she becomes crazy and funny. And once she becomes crazy and funny, the party begins. She is so entertaining and silly! I really can't believe it's only a year before she starts kindergarden! How am I old enough for this?
Spidey is not a baby in any way...though I'll still call him that probably until he's 87. He is learning letters, shapes, and he still doesn't recognize all of his colors. It's kind of weird since we work on it often but those colors just confuse him! And yet, he knows most of his ABC's if I write them down. haha. He's sillier than silly and loves to make people laugh. He talks like a big kid now and although it's cute, it makes me sad that he is growing up so fast.

I know I'm past the point of rambling.
I'm obviously feeling sentimental today.
I'm also obviously a little bit more emotional than normal...or is this normal? Who knows!

But if you seriously read all of that and still want to be my friend, thank you!
And if you read all of that and no longer want to be my friend...oops! Your loss. :)

And that's how Suze rambles.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Monday Brags: Back Floats

Oh Mondays, how I love using you for some serious bragging time.

Are you sick of "swimming" brag posts yet?
Ok, then I'll continue.

Petey completed her first session of swim lessons last Thursday.
I have been so proud of how well she's done.
She's been a good listener and has been trying so hard to do everything they've asked.

Last Tuesday, while swimming at my parents house, we were practicing back floats and I let go of Petey's back...and she just kept on floating!
I was so excited for her to show her instructors at swim class and they were pretty proud of her.
I finally got a video on Saturday of her back floats but that will be at the end of this post.

My other "proud" (not-so-proud) moment was from her last day of swim class.
Yeah...that is supposed to be a more modest swimsuit. She had jumped in the water and the whole top came up and those bottoms were already low to begin with but they were A LOT too low and it took me a while to get her attention and tell her to pull them up! Little girl had her whole belly exposed, along with a great deal of bum crack. Oops! Guess we wont be using this swimsuit for lessons anymore.

So here is the video. Have I mentioned how super awesome my child is? Well, I can mention that today because it's bragging day. Also, please excuse my annoying voice. I was counting to see how long she'd stay floating.

And I'll leave you with one more video from that day. She is also doing really well with kicking and swimming her back. I LOVE this girl so much and I'm so proud of how big she is getting.
And that's how Suze brags.

Sunday, June 10, 2012


If you read my blog, you probaby didn't miss the post about the controversial TIME magazine cover. But if you did, here it is.
I stress often about being good enough.
I can tell myself daily that I am good enough but there is a little voice in the back of my head that argues and says, "Well, you're not that good. You hardly ever rock your kids to sleep, you eat way too much junk food, you cry over foolish things, you often dont exercise for more than 20 minutes, and you are so grumpy!"
It's much easier for me to tell others how 'enough' they are.
I hope to someday be able to look at my life and be grateful that I had all of the experiences I've had and see that bigger picture.

 But for now, I'll just laugh and take pictures while Boss' 15 year old cousin gives my kids "rides" in her pillowcase.
And I'll enjoy every minute of it, though probably not as much as that little boy did.

So even if I'm not the best at nurturing my children and even if I don't usually have a clean house and even though I probably won't stop eating junk food, I'll enjoy the moments I'm in and not worry so much about never being enough. Because whether I believe it or not, I am already enough.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

The Story I Swore To Never Tell

I prayed for the day this story would seem funny in my mind.
I feared ever writing it down because to me, it was the worst mistake a parent could've made!
But it happened, I can assure you it was an accident, and I think it's finally become funny enough to post.
Do you remember when I blogged about Ryan and Kaitlin's wedding? The wedding my husband was a groomsman for? The blog post where at the end, I hinted that I had done something horrible and that I would never reveal it?

Here I am revealing it.

My plan was to stay as long as the kids would behave but after Spidey started saying he was tired and wanted to go to bed, I knew we needed to head home. After getting the kids in the car, I realized I had left my camera in the bathroom so we went back inside to find it. With no luck of finding it in the place I knew it had been left, I decided to go sit back down at our seats and wait for all of the toasts to finish before asking if anyone had seen it.
I was the only adult sitting at my table. The rest were 4 young girls and I could tell that their wine glasses were filled with water for the toasts. At the time, Spidey starting complaining that he needed a drink. I saw that his glass was empty but that mine wasn't, so I let him drink it.
And drink it, he did. Almost down to the last sip.
Then Petey complained of thirst so I figured she would finish it off. She took a tiny sip and said, "Mom, this water tastes yucky." and I started to panic.
Could it really be wine? I wasn't even here when they poured it! How could this be?
In my panic, I took the last sip of the drink and much to my dismay, it was alcohol.
Panic. Embarrassment. Anger. Worry. More panic. More worry. Tons of worry.
If you were wondering, as soon as the toasts were over, the dj announced someone had found a camera and lucky for me, my camera was back in my arms...along with a tipsy little 2 year old who I needed to get home.
Oh that boy was tipsy. As you already read above, my boy had been exhausted not 30 minutes earlier and when we got in the car the second time, I had to listen to my son yelling, "Mommy!" over and again and laughing hysterically for a "fun" 30 minute drive home.
I cried a lot that night and felt like the worst mom in the world. Boss thought it was just a funny story and kept telling me I wasn't to blame and that it was an honest mistake but I really did feel horrible. But it has now been about 6 weeks and now I can laugh about it. I realize I didn't do anything wrong and that any mother could have made the same mistake.

The main reason I remembered this story was because of the video I took of our tipsy daughter today. Poor girl has Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease and has some big blisters in her mouth. Since it just needs to run it's course and Petey hasn't really been eating the past couple of days, we gave her some Hydrocodone to help with the pain. And help, it did. She was all smiles and jumping around like a crazy person...but I'll let you witness all of that for yourself. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Monday Brags: Swimming {again}

I feel like all of the pictures I've been taking lately have been of my kids swimming.
But I guess that's just summertime in Arizona.
 Last Friday, I took both of the kids swimming by myself. They were super excited, especially Spidey because he wishes he could take swim lessons like his big sister.
 Obviously, Petey is more used to the water and it took Spidey a while to feel comfortable with floaties without me holding on to him. As soon as he learned to kick and get himself around the pool, he didn't need me anymore.
 Petey loves going off the diving board by herself.
 I was so happy that Spidey was loving swimming. Two weeks ago, we took him swimming and he cried if anyone let go of him. You wouldn't have even guessed that by the way he was acting on Friday. He LOVED it!
 He loved using different floaties and he even likes this bird floatie that my sister got him. Last month when we took it out of the package and blew it up, he started crying and saying that the birdie looked scary and that he didn't want it. I had to put it completely out of his sight before he stopped freaking out. :) Thankfully, he likes it now!
 Petey did so well practicing her back floats and kicking, like she does in swim lessons. I actually got Spidey to do some backfloats but because I had to help him with them, I couldn't use the camera at the same time.
 Spidey loved the "sharks" (dolphins) and swam with them a lot.
Here's my Petey, just swimming all around the deep end. She is such a fish and I love how much she loves the water.

Swimming is the one thing I love about Arizona summers. As hot as it is, swimming is so fun for me and for my kids. I'm so glad my parents have a pool we can use anytime.

And that's how Suze sees it.