Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Sometimes simple things are hard

Sometimes, I wonder how I got where I am today as a parent. Petey was born when I was only 20 years old. Her first 2 years of life are kind of a blur to me and I have a hard time remembering what it ever felt like to just have her. I used to think I was really good at parenting and discipline but was I really?

I have hard days where I wonder if I'm making the right decisions as a parent. Am I pushing my kids too hard or not hard enough? Am I making sure they know that I love them? Am I teaching them how much God loves them? Am I teaching them that there is nothing more important than knowing God loves them?

I'm sure I'm not the only parent who wonders these things but after days like yesterday, I really have to step back and question if what I'm doing is right.  
In the end, when I seem to suck at making decisions regarding my children, Boss is always there to pick up the pieces I've broken throughout the day. He really is the best dad. When I'm too busy worrying about what I want for the kids, he reminds me of what they need. I lucked out marrying him and I absolutely know it.

Monday, February 25, 2013

I'm too happy to be this sad

It's been a hard weekend. Harder than many of the other 'hard' months I've had this past year. I felt like this was it, this was our month. Everything felt so different and I was excited. I found out Saturday morning that this wasn't our month. Thankfully, I found out 15 minutes before women's conference so I was surrounded by loving friends as the feelings started to sink in.
Often times, I feel like I'm too happy to be this sad. I feel overcome by a huge wave that is making my happiness harder to find. It isn't nonexistent, just harder sometimes.

I'm super happy with my life and the kids I've been given. No amount of infertility could make me forget how much they mean to me. It's just that every month I find out I'm not pregnant, I get closer and closer to the reality that I probably won't ever be pregnant again. I'm learning to grasp this reality and make it a happy one since I wholeheartedly believe that my life would be wonderful with our family of 4 but there are still hard days.

So today, I'm going to hug them tighter, play with them longer, and take a bubble bath.

What's on your agenda?

Friday, February 22, 2013

Sickness Once Again

Remember that time I posted about my son being sick with strep throat? Oh wait, that was 2 days ago...
Well, now it was Petey's turn to be sick again {which seems unfair since she was literally sick 9 days ago}.
This was her last night. She was having a blast on the trampoline with the boys.
 But poor girlie woke up miserable today and was running a fever. Of course, my immediate concern was that she had gotten strep throat from her brother.
 So the doctors office is where we headed.
 I had to sneak in this adorable picture of Spidey. He is SO cute!

Her pediatrician {Grandpa} said she is either getting over strep throat or just starting to get strep throat (as in, possibly her sickness 9 days ago was strep and we didn't know it) so since he needed to put her on antibiotics either way, we didn't even culture her to see if she has the strep throat right now.

Boss is gone camping with my little brother so we had planned to have a fun day together but since I wasn't sure if Petey was contagious, we got her on antibiotics first thing this morning and decided to see what fun we could have at home.
 My kids absolutely love Play Doh. It was a highlight of their day to be able to make a mess and create silly little things with their huge Play Doh set.
 Can you tell I was making sure my girly was hydrated all day? Red gatorade was her best friend. :)

In the afternoon, Petey was actually SO much happier and we decided to keep our fun dinner plans.
 I took her to her favorite place for some chicken wings and she was a totally different little girl. She was smiling and having a great time and I'm glad we decided to get out of the house for a bit.
 Both of the kids got tattoos and were so happy. I love how happy little things make my kids.

When we got home, I sent my Lil Mr to bed but I let Petey stay up since she had napped for a while during the day.
 She wanted to play doctor with her stuffed animals and I had to snap some pictures.
 She is such a sweet little girl.
She ended the night by falling asleep watching Spiderman on Netflix. She is such a little cutie.

It has been a crazy week full of fun activities, sickness, and other crazy things and it makes me so grateful for my family and the things that fill my every day life.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Marriage, Strep Throat, and Netflix

 Oh, hello there. Haven't heard from me in a while? It's been a busy couple of weeks.

First, we had a sick little girl the day before Boss' brother got married in Tucson. This momma was so worried! I didn't want any of our family missing the wedding. Luckily, her bug seemed to last less than 24 hours and she was able to be the cutest little flower girl!
 I wish wish WISH this picture wasn't blurry. I'm kicking myself that I didn't bring my camera to the wedding because Spidey was the cutest little 'sign holder'. I was so proud of both of my kids for walking down the aisle and not being too scared.
My mother in law made the flower girl dresses and they turned out really cute.

After the wedding was over, we headed home and had an uneventful weekend followed by an eventful Monday! Spidey woke up crying and was complaining that his tummy hurt. He refused to walk around the house and he stayed in our bed until almost 10am. I finally called the doctor and got my Bubs in for an appointment.
After waiting and a couple of tests, we found out our little boy had strep throat. Ick! I was so sad for him. Petey has had strep twice but this was a first time for Spidey.
As we were driving home, I asked Spidey if there was anything he would eat. He said french fries would do the trick. :)
If the sick little boy wants french fries, the sick little boy gets french fries.
 This was Spidey's smile. Can you tell he felt horrible?
 Ok, now can you tell he felt horrible? Poor boy.
 Since Petey was with Grandma the ENTIRE day, Spidey spent the day on the couch either by himself or snuggling with his momma. I was thinking it would be a hard day, having a super sick boy, but I was beyond grateful for an opportunity to spend an entire day with my Spidey.
 Also, another reason you haven't heard from me in 2 weeks is because we got Netflix! We actually signed up for it the night before Spidey got sick and the timing couldn't have been better. He was so happy to watch tons of new movies all day.
Luckily, it has been 2 days since Spidey got diagnosed with strep and he is his happy old self again.

I'm hoping that it won't be another two weeks before my next post but since I've been spending my time catching up on the Kardashians and Sister Wives, I can't make any promises. Also, I did finish the first season of Downton Abbey and I wish that Netflix would put the second season up!

PS: In case you were worried, I promise I've been an active mother this week as well. We don't spend all day watching things on Netflix. It is just exciting since the only "tv" we've ever had was a dvd player.

Friday, February 8, 2013


There is just something about having a sensitive little girl that forces you to get used to all of the crying.

Crying over a spilled drink.
Crying over the wrong food.
Crying over little taunts from her brother.
Crying over having to do chores.
Crying over her bow being broken {granted, I can make her a new one in minutes}.
Crying over the wrong stuffed animal being placed in her bed.
Crying over whether I turn certain lights on in the house {seriously...}.

As you can imagine, that is a lot of crying. I know she probably gets it from her mom but I do not remember being that way publicly. I'm more of a hide-in-my-room-and-cry-it-out kind of girl. My daughter is a cry-anywhere-anytime-for-any-reason kind of girl.
I was so excited when we were getting family pictures done because I wanted some updated ones of my kids together. But of course, it was freezing outside and that made Petey cry. Of course, she didn't cry during the extended family pictures or even our little family pictures...she only cried when it was time to take individuals with her brother. Her cute little nose and cheeks are bright pink in the pictures and none of them are amazing. Some are cute, none are amazing.
Anyway, I'm still grateful for her. I love her tons and tons and more TONS. Or as she says, "I love you infinity!"
But I could do with a little bit less of those tears. ;)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

In the Moment

Sometimes as a mother I have a hard time being in the moment with my kids.
Often times, I get caught up in my "stay at home mom duties" and forget that the whole reason I am a stay at home mom is because of my kids. Without them, I'd be working right now. I'm trying to remember that a clean house isn't as important as happy children. I want my kids to want to be home with me. I want them to remember me being with them.
I'm coming to the point in my situation where I'm thinking we may always be a family of 4. There are days that I don't feel ok with that but most days, I just feel so content and happy with the life I already have. I'm excited for my kids to learn and grow. I'm excited that Petey is learning to read and that she wants to try out for dance team. I'm excited to see what sport Spidey likes best when we decide what we are doing for him in August. I'm even a little bit excited that Petey is starting kindergarten this year...but mostly that just stresses me out. I can't imagine a more fulfilling life than the one we are living right now and yet, if we are blessed with more children, I'll be ecstatic.
I'm learning that my life isn't going to be what I always dreamed it would be...it's going to be better. Only God knows what is best for us and no matter what my dreams are, my realities are my blessings from Him. He makes my true dreams come true; sometimes, dreams I didn't even know I had.

People often say that God works in mysterious ways and I agree. Two years ago, I hated infertility. I may never say that I love it but at this point, I can honestly say that I'm grateful for the things that God has taught me through my infertility and I wouldn't change it if given the option. The lessons I've learned are far too valuable for my spiritual well being and I am thankful that God is patient while I try and learn all that He is teaching me. Slowly, I'm getting there.