Tuesday, October 30, 2012

My 3 Most Important Roles

Do I keep sounding down in the dumps lately in my posts?

Well, I'm here to tell you that I am one happy lady. Oh yes, I am a happy lady with trials but I must never forget how happy I am at this moment.

I feel like with each day that passes, I understand more and more why I am here. I realize that I have an important role in this life I have been blessed to live. I am a daughter of God. I am a wife. I am a mother. The role seems pretty darn clear, right? And yet, I've struggled to really find who I am and what those roles mean in my life.

What does it mean to be a daughter of God? I've asked myself this question many times and many answers have come to mind. God actually created me personally. I am not just some genetic make up that was picked through a process similar to random.org. Nope, I am special and created to be me and no one else. The roles I play in life are particular to what God has intended for me. Being a daughter of God makes me the wife and mother that I am. I know I have purpose and I know I am special.

My role as a wife is to be there as a support and comfort for my husband. It is not a role that serves me but a role that serves my spouse. As easy as it sounds, I think most of us have struggled learning this particular role. When we are dating and engaged, we are swept off our feet and we expect marriage to be a continium of that every day. But alas, it usually doesn't work that way and in my case, I found myself in a rut, not really knowing what my role as a wife was. But trust me when I say since learning that my role is more supportive and less selfish, my marriage has been quite easier and I've been much happier.

My role as a mother means that I keep my standards high and my patience higher. Knowing that I influence two little beings is a huge responsibility and I try so hard to be the best mother that I can be to them. Of course, I am far from perfect...like probably farther than the average mother. I yell. A lot. More than I ever intend to. But it's something I'm working on and I try so hard every day to take it down one notch. As a mother, I feel the responsibility to teach by example and if I'm yelling all of the time, my kids will do the same. So my role as a mother helps me to be a better person each day.

So there you have it. I'm happier than it has sounded recently. I apologize for the vague posts about "dealing with stuff". I have a post all written up about OCD and the effects it has had on me recently but it seems almost weird to share. I wouldn't want you all to think I'm crazy or something... :)

Ok, fine, so you probably already know I'm crazy.

But at least I'm crazy AND happy, right?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Belle and Captain America

I have a lot on my plate right now. I haven't decided what is too much to share on my blog and what is perfectly ok.
I assume since I speak openly about infertility and TTC that everything else is fair game, right? :) Ok, maybe not...

In the midst of some recent trials, we had some early Halloween fun on Saturday at 2 trunk-or-treats. I am so grateful for these two beautiful babies of mine. They keep me smiling when I'm ready to give up.
And aren't their costumes just adorable?!!


Spidey wishes he could wear that outfit every day and he has worn the hat a ton since Saturday. He is such a cute little super hero.

Well, here's to another crazy, wonderful week. I am so grateful to be alive and to be able to share these memories with my family every day of my life.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

My Favorite Birthday Present

I cheated.
Just a little bit but still...

For my birthday, I wanted one thing and one thing only. I've been wanting it since the day we found out BOTH of our families were getting pictures done at the end of the year.

I wanted long hair.
This is my hair in March. It's the most recent picture I can find of my hair being down since getting chopped off. Imagine only 6 months later and my hair is anything but long. It touches my shoulders but since it was so stacked in the back, I have some pretty short layers back there still.

And for me, medium length hair is awkward and I certainly wouldn't want to be awkward in family photos that may or may not be updated for years and years. I want to look great in those pictures!

So anyway...
Happy birthday to me. :)

PS: Personally, I think they look much better in person but I had to take an awkward self-portrait to show it off to all of you.

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I Wont Give Up

Infertility has been hard. For 18 months now, I've wondered if 2 would be our number or if we would have more children. I've cried a lot, been angry a lot, and prayed a lot more than ever before. But as each day passes, I find out more and more how blessed I am already.

The past 18 months have been the hardest so far in my life. As a family, we've endured a lot. At first, I thought we were growing together and getting closer but that hasn't been the case. I've learned these past few months what marriage means to me and how important it is to not give up. I've learned that marriage is about giving more than receiving.

It's very easy to get caught up in ourselves and think that our spouse should be treating us better but what we don't look at is how we are treating our spouse.

Many times in the past year, my husband would come home from work and I would be on the computer, exhausted from my long day with the kids. I would shove them at him and tell him it was his turn to care for them because I needed a break. Most nights, we would be doing something separate from each other in completely different rooms of our house and we wouldn't really talk at all.

My marriage is now the most important thing to me and when I heard Jason Mraz's song, "I Wont Give Up", I felt like it was meant for our family. We are up and we are down but if we don't learn to give each other support and love, we will never last.

Marriage really is about giving and not about receiving and I plan on being there for my husband for eternity.

As selfish as I've been the past year, I cannot believe how many things I've missed with my family. I was going through pictures to find ones for a video I wanted to make and I found more than enough of my husband doing things with our children. In my mind, he wasn't helping enough around the house or putting us first but what I didn't realize was that he has always been doing that, I just didn't see it.

I am so lucky to have married a man that has stuck with me even when I'm blind to his goodness. I am so lucky that he is always there for our children and takes such good care of them. He usually gets the biggest smiles and I know it's because they feel of his unconditional love for them.

I tried out a movie maker program because I was set on making a video collage with Jason Mraz's song. I hope you enjoy it.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Our Fastest Trip to Utah

A couple of weeks ago, Boss' brother asked if he would accompany him to Utah to attend the farewell of a family friend before he left on a mission for our church. Boss agreed and we talked it over a couple of times that week before I realized I had a couple of things to do that same weekend and it would be hard to get them done with both kids.
So after some coaxing, Boss agreed to take Spidey with him. I was elated to say the least. I really didn't think he'd agree to take a half-potty-trained 3 year old on a 12 hour trip.
Friday afternoon came and I got a phone call at work from Boss. He asked if Petey and I wanted to join them on their trip since one of his brothers had decided not to go. I wasn't quite sure since I thought I would have to miss my girly's first real birthday party she'd been invited to but when I realized we could fit that in before leaving, I happily agreed!
So off we went at 10pm on Friday night.
Spidey was wide awake when we left so I gave him the Leapster to play with. Unfortunatly, after an hour or so of playing, it made him carsick and he threw up. Luckily, Uncle Same was awesome at catching it all in a ziploc bag.
 Around 3am, both kids were wide awake so we decided to turn on a movie. Petey was so excited to get her own headphones.
Unfortunately, we learned that watching movies while driving also makes Spidey carsick and he threw up a second time about 5 minutes into the movie.
Thankfully, Uncle Sam caught it all again and after that, he asked to switch spots with me in the car. :)
The rest of the ride of was pretty uneventful. As long as no electronics were used by my son, he kept his food in his tummy.

When we got to Utah, we headed straight for Boss' sister's house to visit with her and her family. This was the kids' highlight of the trip and they were so excited to play with cousins.
 Spidey's favorite part was attending Leezer's soccer game.
 As you can see, Spidey is a michief maker and he pulled the flag out of the ground so Uncle Nick had to go fix it.
 Leezer was practicing kicking the ball into the net...
 ...so Spidey joined along. He lookes like a natural.
 He got himself stuck in the net more than once, silly kid.
 I got a picture of Leezer right before she scored the first point of the game. Too bad there is a kid standing right in front of her in the picture.
 Her soccer buddy greeted her with a hug after her goal. :)
 At first, I thought it would be hard to keep Spidey off of the field but he actually enjoyed yelling positives thoughts to the players while they were running every which way.

After the game and some lunch, we headed to Boss' Uncle's house to visit him and his family.
 The kids got Smurfs tattoos on their bellies and it was really funny to watch them lift up their shirts to show everyone. Spidey had eaten a piece of blue licorice and it looks like he ate Papa Smurf. :)

After a fun visit with Boss' Uncle, we headed back to Boss' sister's house to spend more time with cousins.
 The kids loved the swingset.
 Leezer and Petey are besties and had so much fun playing together.
 Miss B was hilarious and loved twisting around in the swing.
 Petey gave it a try and said, "Umm, this is making me kind of scared."

That night, we got a hotel and got the first real sleep of the weekend.
 The kids were exhausted and slept peacefully on this twin bed the hotel brought in.
 They were also excited to find out that they had free breakfast in the morning...or maybe that was mostly me. :)

 We got dressed and headed off to church to listen to Boss' friend give his farewell talk.

I'm super sad that I didn't get any pictures of the after party at the Boyd's house. It was a great Sunday afternoon. I always feel so welcome when we visit the Boyd's in Utah and they always have the yummiest food! We are so grateful we got to see the, even though it was a short trip.
On the way home, Spidey woke up from a short nap and started crying about the sun being in his eyes. My sunglasses quickly came to the rescue and he was a happy boy once again. :)

We had a great trip but I'm not sure we'll attempt such a short trip with two little kiddos again. It was pretty hectic, especially since we got hoe at 2am and Boss and I both had work early that morning. I am still trying to catch up on lost sleep. But it was all worth it to be able to see some of our favorite Utahns.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Busy Weeks

Today is my first day off since starting back at work. Each day that I'm there, I remember how I used to do this every day for 5+ years. I feel so blessed that I am able to go back to help out for 6 weeks but I feel even more blessed that my real job is at home with my children.
I am reminded of how hard it was to drop my kids off each morning. I am reminded of how hard it was on my mother. I am reminded of how hard it was on my heart.
There's nothing easy about being a working mother. I respect those mothers in my life who work to provide for their family while wishing they could find a way to be home. I was that mother and I may be her again at some point in my life.
So I am going to try harder not to take the life that I live for granted. No amount of money could make up for me being away from my children all day. There is nothing I want to do more than be with them.
So Disneyland can wait. A new van and a bigger home can wait. We are too busy enjoying the every day things that make us the happiest and for me, that means family.

In other news, I turned the big 2-5 this past Sunday. I meant to do a fun post like last year but since it never happened, you can refer to the same video I took last year of my trampoline skillz. And if you do laugh at me, just don't tell me you did. ;)

Friday, October 12, 2012

The 3rd Birthday Party

Finally! I have been wanting to blog about Spidey's 3rd birthday party all week but I've come home from work tired every night and wanting to spend time with my family instead of on the computer.

But here I am, blogging about it after only 4 days. That's really not bad timing. :)
Birthday Boy was super happy to have his family around to celebrate with him.
 My little brother is so funny. He cringed when I tried to take a picture of him.
 Soon enough, it was time for birthday cake. Per Spidey's request, he got a Spiderman birthday cake.
 He waited patiently while we sang happy birthday to him.
 Grandpa ended up helping him blow out the candles but he was trying.
 I am so blessed to have 2 wonderful kiddos!
 Happy boy with a cake-filled mouth.
 Joel and Gigi got him an Avengers ball. He loves it!
 Grandma and Grandpa got him some clothes and underwear, including a cool Spiderman shirt.
 Thanks, Grandpa!
 Among the other presents we got our special boy, the big present we'd been saving was his new bike. As you can see, this won prize for biggest smile of the night.
We haven't taken the bike outside yet and he is having a blast learning how to ride it. I'm so glad he's already tall enough (Our kids are super short). Soon enough, he'll be riding just as fast as his big sister!

I am so lucky to have had this boy in my life for 3 years already. He is silly, ENERGETIC, and always knows how to make me smile.

Happy 3rd birthday, Spidey!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Spidey's Birthday Interview

How old are you?
What is your favorite movie?
Avengers (the cartoon)
What is your favorite color?
Who is your best friend?
Anybody else?
Kaitlyn and Gigi and Rylee and Gigi. They’re ALL!
What’s your favorite animal?
What do you love most about Hayley?
Um, this much (spreads arms wide open).
What do you like to do with mommy?
Play with stuff and fight robots.
What do you like to do with daddy?
Sit on him.
What is your favorite thing to do?
What is your favorite food?
Birthday cake
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Just like daddy.

That last answer just melts my heart. I love how much he looks up to his daddy.

I'll blog more about the pictures and fun things we did today to celebrate Spidey's birthday. Sadly, we didn't do a lot but he is getting a smal party tomorrow with some family.

I'm still kind of in shock that my baby is 3 today. I haven't had a baby in 3 whole years! The last time I was pregnant was 3 years and 13 hours ago. :) I feel like the luckiest person to have Spidey for a son. He lights up my life every day! Even when he's having a rough day, he still manages to make me smile.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Bragging about Spidey

I started working full time again today for my sister who is having a baby tomorrow morning. Even though I'll only be there for 6 weeks, I doubt I'll be blogging much in that time.
In the meantime, I wanted to celebrate the cute little kid that my son is turning into. I can't really call him a baby any longer because he turns 3 next week.
So I'll just leave you with a few adorable videos of him from this past week.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Monday Brags: More Dancing Brags

 We think this Petey girl is something special. She's energetic, silly, helpful, and she dances around the house all day long. She is loving her dance classes and counts down the days until it's another dance day.
She is determined to learn her splits and asks me to help her stretch most days. It's really fun to see her wanting to be so involved in something. She's only 4 so I'm thinking dance probably won't last forever and that she'll want to try something different in the future but I'm glad she is loving it for now.

Of course, most of my dance posts have videos and I have some new ones for you today!

The first video is my favorite one of this post. I took it while she was in line waiting to go across the floor during class. This girl just likes to move and groove.

In the next one, she is once again groovin' while she's in line. It makes me laugh every time I watch it.

And here's the third video. In this one, we were at my parents house and Boss turned on some music. I know she was having a good time and I actually think it's pretty great that she can differentiate between fast and slow music and dance accordingly.

Seriously, this girl is just adorable. I could brag all day long because I feel so lucky to have her in my life. She's one of a kind and I couldn't be happier with the little girly she has grown into so far.

And that's how Suze brags.