Tuesday, June 24, 2014

We Are All Equal

I am a sensitive person. I always have been. But among the many subjects I am sensitive to, there are a few that bring out my hyper-sensitivity. One of those things is my religion.

When I hear negative comments about my religion, I shake. My heart beats faster. My palms get sweaty. It's a physical reaction because I am passionate about who I am and a huge part of that is that I am a Mormon.

I am a Mormon. I am a Christian. I know that Jesus Christ died for me. I believe in living prophets today. I believe that Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and restored our church on this earth. I cannot deny my beliefs. They are mine and I hold them near to my heart.

If you are a Mormon {or heck, if you have a Facebook account}, you might be familiar with Ordain Women, a movement started by a feminist group that are petitioning to hold the Priesthood. I don't want to focus on the details of Ordain Women but I do have a strong desire to share with you how I feel and where I stand in all of this. I also have a desire for you to proceed through this post with love in your heart. You don't need to agree with me to be kind to me.

I grew up being taught that I am a queen, a daughter of royal birth. I believe this wholeheartedly. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. He loves me. Throughout my life so far, I have attended church reguarly. Even in high school when I didn't want to, I did it anyway. And when I moved out for 6 weeks in high school to a friend's house, I missed church. As much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, that was a huge awakening for me. My church was a great source of light in my often dark life.

To explain some of the darkness in my life at the time, I was teased a lot as a child. My non-church friends made fun of the fact that I was still "forced" to attend church every week. Some of the youth in my church group had a bet going about whether I would end up pregnant in high school. I felt like I wasn't fully accepted anywhere. Everywhere I turned, someone was against me. I didn't know where I belonged. Everyone was judging me for choices I was making. Everywhere I turned, someone seemed to be disapproving of my lifestyle. I hated it. I really, truly hated it.

Because of my issues with some kids at church, my parents were aching for me. They didn't know what to do. The truth of the church didn't change just because someone was mean to me. But I resented individuals for judging me so harshly. Now that I am a mother, I can't even imagine the confusion and heartache this would cause me as the parent of the child.

Although you might wonder how the church could be a light during this time for me, you would have to understand my own Spiritual perception during this time. I prayed daily. Even when making some really stupid teenage decisions, I was still praying regularly. I could've yelled til I was blue in the face that I didn't believe in God but He was my constant companion when I felt like nobody else understood me. Going to church was still a light in my life because I craved the lessons my leaders would teach. I knew the gospel was true. I felt it. I had a few friends who were genuine to me all of the time and that made church easier but even without those friends, I was feeling peace at church because of the things I was being taught, not because of the friends I did or did not make.

I have always felt a sense of peace when it comes to my role as a woman in the church. Motherhood is my greatest calling but aside from that, I feel like being a woman is my greatest calling. If ever there was a time where I didn't feel equal to men, it was because I felt I was treated as more important. My role is divine. Holding the priesthood would change nothing in the way that I view my divine nature. I don't compare motherhood to the priesthood because that doesn't make sense. I compare womanhood to the priesthood. I believe I am capable of healing others because I have a good heart and my prayers are heard.

The priesthood wouldn't change my role.

If tomorrow, the prophet said that God wanted women to receive the Priesthood, I wouldn't question it. It may happen in my lifetime. But because President Monson has not told us we should have the Priesthood, I believe that now isn't the time---and the time may be never.

I know many women who are distraught over the excommunication of Kate Kelly, the leader of Ordain Women. I respect their feelings. I don't want to negate their feelings just because I am explaining where I stand in all of this. What they feel is real and valid---I just wish everyone could feel how important I feel as a woman in the church. But they don't and that is sad.

I've thought about what I could do for these aching women and my only conclusion is to pray that their hearts will heal. I want them to feel welcome. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel equal. I pray that they can have experiences that help them feel this way.

I don't agree with the way this movement was handled by Kate Kelly and John Dehlin and the other leaders. It makes me sad that something so sacred would become a widespread movement that seems to be petitioning for the prophet to make a decision. Without discounting the personal revelation these people have received, I can also understand the decisions made by the church. But that is one woman's opinion. I may be right and I may be wrong but my feelings are genuine and are not based on hatred but based on love for the religion that I believe so strongly in.

These past few days have been hard due to the many contentious discussions on Facebook that I have witnessed. Some are passive aggressive and others just downright hateful but all have left me questioning what the real purpose of Christianity is.

Just bear with me as I play the "what if" game for a second. What if Christ had a Facebook? I highly doubt He would be posting things about Mormons being a cult, Ordain Women coming straight from Satan, or how idiotic either side of the argument is. I'd even feel confident to say that He most assuredly would NOT say these things. So why do we, as Christians, feel the need to bash one another for our own personal beliefs?

Christianity isn't about knowing you are right and someone else is wrong. Christianity is about loving others and doing whatever possible to lift them up and help them feel like they are children of God. Because they are. You are. I am.

You don't have to agree with someone to be kind to them.

So if you find yourself in a discussion about Ordain Women or any other discussion in the world, remember what is most important.


Because we are all equal and we are all children of God.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Everybody is a Somebody

Everybody is a somebody. Everybody.

I've been lucky enough in my life to be taught these truths through some really hard trials.

I've learned these truths through my marriage to a man with an addiction. I've learned these truths through my own eating disorder addiction. I've learned these truths from some pretty bad decisions I've made and some pretty bad decisions others have made that have affected my life.

And here I am, a genuinely good person; an imperfect, often obnoxious person who struggles with her own addictions and although I could sit here and feel sorry for myself that life is hard and lonely and scary sometimes, that just seems like a waste of what I'm going through.

Either way, I'm going to go through this crap. I don't have a choice in that matter. People have made decisions, promises have been broken, lives have been altered---and all I have left is my choice of how to deal with this.

So I'm choosing to learn.

I'm choosing to learn that addictions don't make you a bad person. I've known some pretty wonderful people do some pretty horrible things. They aren't bad people. They made bad choices. Addiction is a subject that has taught me empathy and patience---well, mostly empathy. I have learned that it is possible to look past someone's actions and try and see their heart. I absolutely, positively hate addiction---but I don't hate the addict. Huge difference, friends.

I'm choosing to learn that I can truly open my heart to love everyone around me. I don't need to agree with them. Our world is full of so much controversy. We see things on the news or in articles about the choices people are making and we have the choice to judge them or love them. But everybody is a somebody and they deserve the opportunity to voice what their heart feels.
I've been having a hard time seeing all of this Ordain Women stuff in the media because the arguments on both sides have gotten pretty tense. I see people bashing characters of people they have never met. I see horrible words being thrown out into the internet world to describe people who have never seen each other face to face. It was really getting me down that people would feel the need to talk so horribly about each other like that and so I posted this on Facebook:

You guys, we NEED each other. We need to have kindness and positive influences around us. We need to feel love and give love. We need to support and be supported.
So if we spend our time tearing people down, we have wasted time we could use lifting someone up.
#loveoverpowers #weareallequal #everyonedeserveslove #randomthoughtsonasunday

I believe every word I said on that Facebook post. We really do need more love and less negativity. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt before jumping to the worst conclusions.

I no longer believe there are bad people---only people that make bad choices. We all have good within us. And most of the people we are bashing are making decisions they believe to be the best decisions possible for themselves.

Addiction has taught me to look beyond a person's actions and try and see them as children of God because that is truly who they are. Although addiction has caused some of the most painful trials I have ever experienced in my life, I am the Suzanne that I am because of the experiences that I've had and today, I wouldn't change that. {But don't ask me on a low day. On a low day, I tell addiction to go to hell and I wish none of this had ever happened...}

I am nowhere near perfect and I'm not over here claiming to be. I just know how much happier I feel when I'm trying my damndest to love the people around me---and even the people thousands of miles away from me.

This world needs more love.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

When Answered Prayers Don't Make Sense

When my husband left, I fixated on how this was my fault. I was a stupid 18/19 year old girl who made stupid decisions and ignored stupid red flags. I was simply stupid.

I would tell my therapist this every week. Why couldn't I have chosen differently? Why couldn't I have asked him more questions? Why couldn't I have known better? And she would always tell me, "Suzanne, you need to forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now."

Deep down, I knew that. I knew there was no way I could've known better. I was young and in love. He was attractive and a genuinely nice person and he treated me with love and respect. I ignored red flags because I didn't recognize them as red flags until now. I couldn't have known what I know now.

And the most confusing part of all of this was that I prayed about whether I was supposed to marry him and I received very strong Spiritual answers that he was to be my husband. So young and stupid or not, I had done what I thought was the best decision for my life.

This made me angry for a while after filing for divorce. How could this have been right? Why would I receive an answer to prayer to marry this man and then have him hurt me the way that he did?

And I've come to a few conclusions.

I received an answer to prayer to marry him because it was right to marry him.

 He had free agency and could do with that whatever he wanted. He could choose to leave me, even if it was right to marry me.

I think that's something I've always had a hard time with and something my Heavenly Father is trying to teach me through trials. Sometimes Satan's plan of control looks really appealing to me. I like having control in my life and free agency just kind of freaks me out because nothing is certain!

Satan's plan probably would've made it so I'd still be married but I wouldn't have the intelligence or the trust in God that I have and I'd probably be more confused as to what my purpose on earth is.

No matter how easy Satan's plan would be, easy doesn't make it good.

I still have sincere faith that I received an answer to prayer 8 years ago that I was supposed to marry my husband for time and all eternity. I look back and when I think about the promptings and feelings I had, I don't blame myself for the choices I made---because they were still right

And maybe it confuses you but when I prayed and fasted over whether I should file those divorce papers, I received a strong Spiritual answer that it needed to happen. I don't usually make life changing decisions without consulting the person who knows what my future holds and although my answered prayers seem to contradict one another, I have faith that they were both the right thing at the right time. Because the man I married was not the man I divorced.

It all ended kind of sucky but that's ok. I have learned to be ok with free agency for others because I wouldn't want to trade my own free agency for anything. I love having the opportunity to learn and grow and find out who I am and why I'm here.

Divorce isn't as scary as I thought it would be. From the outside looking in, divorce kind of looked like a death sentence. It was something I feared since the beginning of my marriage when things got hard. It was this dark cloud that loomed over me when he moved out of our home.

But divorce isn't the end. Divorce has taught me that I can have new beginnings any time I want. I can wake up any day and decide to start something new. I can make things happen in my life. I can put a genuine smile on my face. I am in control of how I feel and what I do.
And from the outside looking in, people might be confused that I'm "dealing" with this so well and it's ok that they don't know what I've been through and what I'm going through. It's ok that they don't see the dark nights and that they think I'm super strong and amazing all of the time

This isn't me being fake.

I really am happy today.

So today, I'll smile.

Monday, June 16, 2014

School Is Hard, Prayer Is Real

School was so much fun the very first semester. Not only was I blowing through my classes with awesome grades (and seriously, I had just become a single mom a week after school started so this was HUGE), I was making new friends and loving my new life outside of "mom life". It was a great time.

So I signed up for my next semester, ready to tackle the new challenges I'd face---but really, I wasn't ready. I was struggling with my worth, my testimony, single parenting, filing the final divorce papers, trying to figure out my schedule, getting my kids to school/babysitter on time, and my math class started to kick my butt a week into school.

I remember signing in to my online math class and just staring at the page crying for ten minutes. I was only a week into the class but I already felt like I wouldn't be able to make it through this class. I worried about what dropping the class or getting a bad grade would mean for my financial aid since that is a huge part of why I'm able to go to school right now. I went to the tutoring center and tried to bring my grade up. It would dip lower and lower with every bad grade I would receive on homework and quizzes. My amazing friend tried to help and spent many hours on the phone with me {she lives in Utah} trying to help me understand everything better.

But I ended up failing the class. And by failing, I mean I seriously got a LOW failing grade. I was really discouraged. I planned to sign up for summer classes but I just couldn't do it. I also usually sign up for the next semester of classes right after I finish finals but I put it off for over a month because I was so bummed about that one stupid grade.

I started doubting whether I could really do this. If my second semester in community college is so hard, am I really going to be able to get a masters degree at a university someday? Everything just seemed so far out of reach and many times, I've considered dropping out and just finding a full time job that pays well enough to support my kids.

But every time I think about getting a job and dropping out of school, I think about our future and my dreams and the reasons I am in school right now. A lot of times in my life, I have found that really hard challenges teach me the most and I'm hoping school will do the same for me. I've never felt like I was a very smart person and school is a really scary choice for me but I am trying to push forward.

I have been praying for two months that my failing grade would not take my financial aid away. I promised Heavenly Father I would do better and I prayed that He would make this possible for me to continue in school. When I signed in to my Maricopa student center today, one of the first things I noticed was my grades and under it, the words "In Good Standing".

I believe in answered prayers. I believe that God knows me and my heart and that He will help me in this journey I've decided to take on. This isn't the easy way but I believe it'll be worth it.

I never did sign up for summer classes because I needed to break to remind myself why I am doing what I'm doing. This is all for our family, not just for me. I still have two months before my next semester starts up and I am so thankful for this time with my kids before life gets undeniably crazy again. Also, I'm thankful to my mom and sisters and friends who are always willing to help me with kids when I'm in class or needing time for homework. I have such incredible support in my life and I really am grateful for that.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Our Imperfect Perfections

I used to cling to the fact that someone understood my pain when I was in the midst of my infertility trials. I used to imagine Christ suffering for my pain in Gethsemane and it helped me to feel a little less alone. I felt like my situation was so uncommon; two kids conceived quite easily and then a diagnosis of secondary infertility. I felt like no one could understand my pain because it just didn't make sense to anyone. But Christ knows.

Christ wouldn't want us to compare our imperfections to the things talked about on Father's Day or Mother's Day. He would want us to recognize our own personal strengths and celebrate them. Our weaknesses are different and everyone has them. Even though we are weak, we can be amazing human beings. Christ wouldn't want us to feel anything less than amazing.

Those of us with hard marriages (or ended marriages) may have a hard time feeling amazing on these days. We may question why we married an addict or a liar or a man who doesn't treat us right when it seems like everyone around us is living the life we wish we had but I will let you in on my theory of this. I feel like admitting that we struggle is the first step in becoming more of a loving community and world. (I know, I dream big.) Admitting we aren't perfect but that we each have our own uniquely good qualities is a step in the right direction.

I had a discouraged friend today. My friend is married to a man with a pornography addiction. He is a good man. He has an addiction. His addiction doesn't make him a bad man or father. Anyway, in church today, the speaker said these words from the pulpit, "A remarkable man respects women enough to stay away from porn." Dagger-to-heart. I can understand that the speaker was trying to make a point about righteous fathers and the choices they make but the problem is that even righteous fathers struggle! And guess what? Some of them struggle with pornography or sex addiction or alcohol or drugs. Gasp! Good men aren't perfect men.
I have a feeling a lot of fathers left that sacrament meeting feeling discouraged because they were not considered remarkable and I hate that. I hate that sometimes Father's Day or Mother's Day is a day where we list all of the things we should be doing as women and men and instead of finding the things we are personally good at, we start to feel discouraged because we feel like we aren't enough.

I've been thinking about this a lot today as my Facebook feed has blown up with posts about everyone and their wonderful husbands and fathers. I've been thinking about my friends who can't see the greatness in their husbands or fathers because of addiction or other painful circumstances. I feel their hurt. Sacrament meeting was hard for me too. It was hard to hear about the qualities of a righteous father. It was hard to hear wives doting on the amazingness that is their husbands. Because we all deserve that---but we don't all receive it.

But even if it hurt something inside of me, I wouldn't want them to stop. Fatherhood is so incredible and fathers are so important. And it makes me happy that so many people I know have incredible husbands and fathers. That is wonderful!!!

Being on the other side of things makes me more sensitive to the people around me on days such as Mother's Day and Father's Day. I've learned that this year. I've learned how hard these particular days can be for people. I've heard stories of people leaving church feeling discouraged because they just can't measure up to the things that are spoken of on Mother's and Father's Day. I wish I could ease their pain. I wish I could show them that there is hope and happiness ahead. But I can't and you can't. We each have to find these things for ourselves.

But tonight, I hope you know that despite your individual circumstances and your feelings about today, Christ knows you. He knows your pain and He knows your happiness. He knows your heart. You are never alone. He suffered for you and I. It takes an incredible amount of love for someone to do that for each and every one of their brothers and sisters and He did it---because He loves you.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Dance Tryouts 2014: Thoughts About My Brave Little Toaster

This post is tricky because there are so many ways you could take it---as my wonderfully human readers. But if I could make a short disclaimer, I want you to know how grateful I am for the opportunities my daughter has. Not everyone gets to do what she does and she is one lucky little kiddo. That being said, I need to write down my feelings from this weekend.

My Petey girl is my life. Raising my kids and giving them the things they want is something I try very hard to do. I'd give them the moon if I could. I really would.

Petey is an extremely talented dancer in my eyes. She works very hard and practices constantly at home. She is always trying to learn new tumbling tricks and when music comes on, you will find her moving and shaking to the beat. She loves it and I love seeing the way it lights her up.

About 5 months ago, Petey realized that a lot of her dance friends got to take more classes than her and she asked me why one day. I told her it was because those girls were not only on her team, they had made an Allstars team and they took two extra classes every week and went to competitions a few extra times a year. She decided that day that she wanted to be an Allstar this next dance year. She worked almost every day to get her splits on both sides since that is something she's struggled to do and didn't like working on before.

Workshops for the tryouts came and Petey had a great first day. I even signed her up for an extra tumbling class with her favorite teacher and she got her kick-over for her back walkover. I was excited for her! The second day of tryouts, Petey started complaining of her tummy hurting and she was kind of a mess during workshop. She wasn't feeling well and I wasn't sure whether to take her home or keep her there. But she stayed and learned the rest of the dance.

By Saturday, Petey's stomach was still hurting but she had no other symptoms so we headed to dance tryouts. Miss Aly gave her some awesome advice and she seemed ready to walk in to tryouts. I looked in the window before her group was going in and I saw her crying with her dance teacher. Sigh...I was so torn! I really didn't know what to do because I didn't know why she was crying. Pressure was not Petey's friend that day. I think it all got to her.

Her wonderful teacher helped her regain composure and sent her in to try out. I couldn't watch that part but Petey said she did pretty good once she got in the room.

They posted the placements that night and my heart sunk when I realized Petey had not made Allstars. I don't know why I was thinking the odds were pretty good for her to make it. I have no explanation for that---probably just something my crazy mom brain did to give myself hope that Petey wouldn't be disappointed.

So then the biggest part I was dreading---I had to go tell my girl she didn't make the team she had wanted to make. I know, a good life lesson for a six year old to learn, right?
But I just couldn't bring myself to see it that way.
Petey has had the hardest time with this divorce and dance was such a highlight of her year. She has loved it. It has been "her thing". I dread giving her any bad news because I feel like she's had enough bad news for the year. But I walked in with a smile on my face and told her, "Guess what? You made tiny strut again this year!" and she immediately inquired about Allstars. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "It didn't work out this year." and I waited for the tears and the meltdown.

But it never happened.

Instead, my six year old warrior looked up at me with heavy eyes and said, "If you say it's going to be all right, I'll believe you, mom. It's going to be ok, right? I am still on the dance team and I still get to dance."

And this is the hard part to explain because you probably read that and are thinking, "Wow, good for her for having a great attitude!" and that is true. That is oh so very true. I love that about her. But it wasn't normal 6 year old behavior and it made my heart hurt because Petey has already learned a lot about disappointment and not getting things that are out of her control. Although they are good life lessons to learn, it makes me sad that her six year old life isn't as carefree as it should be. Divorce has done that to her. It has made her stronger and more resilient but it has taken a piece of her and forced her to be braver than most 6 year olds are. It has forced her to trust in the reliable adults in her life and look to them for assurance when she is feeling like she'll break. It has caused her NOT to meltdown when a meltdown would be ok---we are big advocates for melting down and then moving on at our house. It has been a good way for us to cope with life. :)

She didn't break that day and we are so happy she is still on the dance team she made last year---I just wish I could give her more. I wish I could control these things and give her everything she desires.

I've taken a few days to think about why she didn't make the team and I really don't think it had anything to do with her actual performance on Saturday. I think it has to do with her maturity and the meltdown she had in class and when I look at that from a dance instructor's perspective, it makes perfect sense to me. I trust her teachers and I absolutely love them. They have been such wonderful people and have loved Petey from the very first day she started classes with them two years ago. I love her studio. I love how she gets to perform so much but the cost isn't as much as most other studios. I love how much fun she has being surrounded by so many friends and kids that share her same desires.

I'm sure every one of those kids would love to be on Allstars. I'm sure there were other kiddos disappointed and other moms and dads that wondered why their child was overlooked. That is the hardest part about this dance thing. We all believe we are doing the right thing by advocating for our child but not everyone can be the best and make the highest team. I have Petey at Club Dance because I trust them and as hard as it was to get to that point after Saturday's sadness, I do trust them. I know they made their decisions for their dance teams but also for the goodness of our children.

Petey is strong. It's hard to see how awesome she can be because she is often quiet in class but one of the reasons I advocate for Petey so much in dance is because I see the change when she gets on stage. I was surprised the very first time she stepped on a stage and actually danced and smiled. She is normally painfully shy but put her on a dance stage in front of hundreds of people and she lights up! It has been amazing to see her growth and talent become something so incredible. I love seeing how happy she is. It is the best thing.
Like I said before, I'd give her the moon if I could. I really, truly would.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Will you fight with me?

Life lessons before, during, and after trials can be really hard. Often while learning these lessons, I go through periods of isolation, regret, anxiety, and depression. I question myself over and over and over again. I choose things I know aren't right and I feel like I'm drowning.

When this happens, I often wonder how I'm ever going to be the same. I ache for the old Suzanne and the bubble she lived in. I wonder if my heart will ever love the way it did.

And I've learned that I'm never the same after these lessons. My bubble is broken. My heart will never love the way that it used to.

Because I've grown so much from my life lessons.

I've learned that my bubble of "safety" isn't reality. I've learned that reality can be beautiful. And I love deeper than ever before. I love unconditionally. I don't judge the way I used to. I see worth in the people I meet.

Life lessons are hard---beautifully hard.

This has been a rollercoaster of learning. I have felt lower than ever before. I have felt higher than ever before. I have felt abandoned and I have abandoned others. I have ruined relationships and fixed relationships.

I've mentioned "things getting real" a few months ago. I've mentioned the pain and the questions.
A few months ago, I was in a bad place. Not only was I questioning my worth and struggling to even stay afloat, I had lost my faith. It was scary, questioning something I've never really questioned before. I didn't want to go back to church. I felt alone. I felt abandoned by God. I couldn't feel Him the way I usually feel Him and I was afraid.

I had a rally of support as I went into survival mode for a while. Friends were calling and visiting and sending messages of hope every day. When talking to one of these friends on the phone and telling her my faith struggles, she told me, "Suzanne, hold on to what you know." and immediately, my memory triggered a conversation where I had been helping someone during their own faith crisis months ago. I was bearing my testimony to them and explaining that sometimes survival mode makes it hard to physically feel the Spirit. Because our bodies are working overtime to just stay afloat, it is possible to not feel God even when He has His arms wrapped around us. But once we are out of survival mode, it can be easy to look back and point out all of the times He was right by our side.

I have learned that and wholeheartedly believe it. My faith crisis, although very short lived, brought me to a better understanding of how much my Heavenly Father loves me. He sent others to get through to me when I could not feel Him on my own. He made sure that even though I questioned Him, I was taken care of. He didn't get offended and abandon me. He loved me unconditionally.

Life can be so scary. I have felt afraid of the future more in the last 9 months than ever before. I didn't believe I was worthy of love. But I have trudged forward, knowing that faith in myself is possible. I've had it before and I could have it again.

This week is the first time I have felt it in a long time. I have felt worthy of love. I have been able to analyze who I am and believe the good instead of focusing on my weaknesses. I have been ready to make changes I wasn't ready to make before.

My drowning has turned into choppy butterfly strokes---they aren't perfect but today I am not drowning.

I have been hoping for the day that I could feel strong enough to fight for myself and my children and my beliefs. I have been hoping for the day that I could stand on my own two feet and declare without a doubt that I am going to do everything I can to stand against the harmful things so present in our world today.
I can no longer fight for my marriage but I sure as heck plan on fighting pornography and body image portrayals because those things are NOT reality---and I'm all about doses of reality these days.

Spunky Suzanne is back and I've missed her. I've been lacking the confidence that it takes for me to fight and believe in my ability to make a difference. I've always been a "world changer" at heart but I've never had the confidence and the ability to actually be a world changer but since growing up---because I am such a grown up these days--- I have learned that changing the world hardly ever starts with something big and drastic. It starts within your heart.

Our world is full of so much evil right now and it is going to take an army to fight against the evils that are constantly parading around as fun or exciting or healthy. These are lies. Evil always lies. We need to stand together and fight the newest drug that is such an issue in our society---the drug that is affecting children at an average age of 11.

Will you fight with me?