Saturday, November 14, 2009

Back then

I really miss life back then.
I'm not unhappy now but I really miss life back then.
Do you ever just find yourself reminiscing so deep into the past that you can feel how you felt then? I have exact memories. Some have faded but some are exact.
The day my parents dropped me off for ANASAZI, I wasn't scared. I was angry but not scared. I think now that I look back on it, I was excited because I knew those people had to listen to my problems 24/7 and they had to act like they cared. I needed someone to listen and care.
Maybe that is why I started this blog. Because I feel like if someone reads this, they are listening and maybe even caring. Everybody likes their words to be cared about.
It was easier to be young and look up to someone older. I used to get attachments to people starting with Jalene, my first EFY counselor when I was 14. I spent so much of that week with her, talking in her room, walking around that BYU campus and how amazing is it that we've kept in touch! I can't say that about many EFY counselors (and I had 5).
ANASAZI brought way too many attachments that were very hard to let go of. I say let go because you get to a certain point where hundreds of kids have walked the same paths you did and you almost feel like you don't belong anymore. So much of my ANASAZI world has changed. People dont work there that worked there when I walked. People have their own lives and so do I.
I am proud of the six weeks I walked. I am proud of who it made me and what I learned. I am proud of the friendships I made. I am proud of the memories I have. I truly am proud of who I am.

Look at his face. My dad was so proud of me and has been ever since. You have no idea how many times I have heard what a good mother I am from my dad. He is the greatest dad.
Making fire. I told you I was serious. We found those materials in the woods and made fire from them. (ok, we brought the rope but everything else is from trees and plants)
Having a successful night of making fire meant the world to us. It wasnt just about the fact that we could all eat but you feel so proud of yourself for accomplishing something so hard.


Candice said...

oh suzie q. I love looking back on old memories... It reminds you of how far you have come and how much you really have changed. Which is ok. You can be happy with you present and still miss the pass. You have come so far and I am so proud that I got to be apart of your past! You are an amazing wife, mother, and friend!

Kambria Smith said...

I miss you guys! Poo-z, I've always really admired your passion for the things that make you happy...that might be a weird compliment but recieving happiness and expressing happiness has always been kinda hard for me. I really love to read your brings me back to the feelings of memories with you :-) Like you mentioned. I hope you and your beautiful family have a wonderful Christmas! This is the first year I won't be home/with my family for Christmas :-(

Yvonnerc said...

Hi! im a fellow blogger! Just thought id' let you know I love reading about your daily happenings! Your blog is just great. i am the same age as you and i love reading about how your life differs from mine. We are the same age yet so different. I'd like to comment on your quote

"Maybe that is why I started this blog. Because I feel like if someone reads this, they are listening and maybe even caring. Everybody likes their words to be cared about"

I dont even know how to explain myself, hehe. But i'll try. After you read about someones life for a while, you do care, and your good news becomes everyones good news. I enjoy reading about your good times and empathise with you in your bad times.

Anywho, just thought i'd drop a line :)