Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Dear Divorce, You Suck

Dear Divorce,

You suck. You really really really really suck. You have brought way too much pain and way too much loneliness. No one can fix you because you're a constant dark cloud. You'll always be there. I'll always have your label, no matter where I go and no matter what I do.

You make me angrier than angry. The choices that caused you make me angrier than angry. You make me feel stupid and vulnerable and out of control. Some days, I lose hope because I've seen what you cause and I've seen what you can do to a family.

You are a liar. People look at you and think you might be easier but I am on the fence.

You have caused me to lose family that I loved. You have caused my children to miss out on being close to family they love. None of this seems fair for the people who didn't decide to lie and deceive. But life isn't fair so now we just get to decide how we will make divorce the best possible situation it can be...even though my sarcasm wants to speak up and laugh at that thought.

It isn't actually you, it is the person who listened to you. But you still suck.

And Dear Lying,

You suck. You really really really really suck. Shall I copy the rest of the above here?

I think you all get the point.

If you have a hard time telling the truth, get help. I'm not being mean but I am being harsh. Get help. Compulsive lying is so harmful to you, to your relationships, and to everyone you are around.

Compulsive lying just ticks me the frick off!
What if it were you? What if you had spent almost a third of your entire life building up something great only to find out everything was based on lies? And literally the day your marriage fell apart was the day you started to find out about these lies, one by one, little by little. You'd probably feel about as stupid as I felt. It's one thing to trust someone you should but it is a whole different ballpark when you find out you've been trusting someone you shouldn't have.

Yeah, that's where I'm at today.

Do I think you're a bad person if you can't stop lying? Not necessarily. I believe compulsive lying can be an addiction. So get help.
Manipulating the people you are supposed to love is not an actual relationship, it's a power struggle.

So if you can't stop lying, take a step back and try to figure out why. Are there choices you are making that are causing these lies? If so, get help.

And seriously? Can we just set this debate straight? Intentionally deceiving someone is the same thing as lying. It's the exact same thing! So don't do it. And if you can't stop yourself, get help.

Marriage, relationships, life in general would be better off if we were all willing to be truthful. Keep that in mind the next time you think of telling a little white lie to cover your tracks. Because little lies turn into medium lies that turn into big FAT lies.

I think I'll go fold some laundry now and calm down.


Angela Vincent said...

You said it sister! Take that energy, fold some clothes and kick some butt! Thank you for your post.

Ashley said...

Love your vent! You are so much stronger than you think. You can do anything, do not let this stop you, let it drive you to great things! Let yourself dream, let yourself focus on you and your needs, let yourself be a better mom for it. We were dealt this because we can handle it and rise above it! Call me anytime!