Tonight, I indulge in The Bachelorette while typing on my blog.
I do this most times I blog (well, indulge in some kind of hulu.com show).
I have so many things on my mind and yet as I've begun typing out a number of them, I quickly erase it and start over.
Writer's block? Is that even possible with a blog? :)
Ok, I have figured out my topic.
That is a such a sticky word for me but such a vital word in my marriage. I hate trusting people. I keep my guard up with most people I dont know well enough. There are days my guard is up with my family! It sounds ridiculous---I have known them forever---but when I'm feeling especially vulnerable, there is a wall that starts building.
Why is trust so hard?
Trust is hard for me because I've witnessed others give 100% trust to a person only for it to be ripped out from underneath them. A certain friend has been married for 10 years---only to find out her husband has been taking small amounts of money from her in that past 10 years and he recently left her, leaving thousands of dollars of bills unpaid. Another friend who we both know made the comment, "That is the reason my husband and I have separate bank accounts." She went on to say that you should never trust someone 100% no matter what---and her comment made me sad. I know that things happen. My husband makes his own choices and though I completely dont believe he would, tomorrow he could walk away from what we've built. But I do not believe that holding back in a marriage helps. You have to trust, you have to take a risk. Marriage is a risk taking adventure---you choose to give yourself to that person because of love. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly but a lifelong (and hopefully forever) commitment you make.
I hope you can trust more and give yourself to the one person in this life that will love you for who you are.
Have a good week, everyone!
And that's how Suze sees it.