Saturday, December 21, 2013

They're Gone and I'm Rambling

I have half a post written that I'm really proud of but it just didn't feel right to finish up right now. Instead, I'll start a new post and revisit that one later.

They left yesterday. My children are with their dad until Christmas afternoon and so far, I've handled it well. No tears---surprisingly. Most of this 'holding it together' can be attributed to the world's best friends. I had plans last night, this morning, and again tonight. I think Monday is when it will get harder. That and at nighttime.

In my journal, I often ask a million questions. How? Why? I'm still accepting this as normal life. I'm not there yet but I'm doing surprisingly well, all things considered.
I've decided I'm as happy as I'm going to get this weekend. There is still a lot of sadness because my children are my life but their dad is a good dad and they've been missing him lately. It's good for them---it just sucks for me.
I feel guilty having a relaxing weekend. I'm a 24/7 mom. This isn't supposed to be happening. I'm supposed to be knee high in laundry, dishes, potty breaks, messes, and tantrums. Instead, a friend took me to the spa this morning and I'm watching a chick flick with another friend tonight. Am I supposed to enjoy these nights? I guess I know what the answer is but for some reason, I still feel guilty.

As much as I don't like it, being alone is good for me. I love my friends, I love my family, but I have so much quiet time to come closer to God and focus on what Christmas is all about. Sometimes, the toughest things help us grow the most.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope to get that other post up soon but we'll see how I'm feeling about finishing it. :)

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