Do you ever struggle to feel like you are a good person? Are there days you compare your weaknesses to someone else's strengths?
I hope I'm not the only one.
Some days, I find that I'm just so darn hard on myself. I hear other people tell me I'm so helpful or friendly or inspiring and I don't feel like any of it is true. I feel fake because I struggle on a daily basis to make good decisions and be a better person. I'm not inspiring---I'm barely keeping my head above water right now. Am I being fake because I have a smile on my face even on some of my hardest days? How can I be a good person when I don't always make good decisions?
I try to be a genuinely good person. I try really hard to help others and pick them up when they are down. So why do I find myself thinking that isn't good enough? Why do I still feel like I'm not a good person when I am a good person?
Are you confused yet? Or have you ever felt this way?
I was reading in the scriptures today and 3rd Nephi 24:18 really jumped out to me.
"Then shall ye return and discern between the righteous and the wicked, between him that serveth God and him that serveth him not."
What a simple verse of scripture that is. The scripture doesn't say "He that succeeds in doing everything perfectly his entire life is righteous." It plainly states that if we are trying, if we are doing our best, we are righteous.
Satan tries so hard to convince us we will never be good enough. He is constantly bombarding society with lies that we need to be perfect to be good people. He wants us to feel like we are failing when we struggle.
It's hard sometimes. Actually, it's hard a lot of the time. It's hard to believe the things other people see in me. It's hard not to put myself down and tell myself I should be doing better. But my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally---with no conditions. He loves me when I'm doing well and He loves me when I struggle. He wants me to succeed but He understands that we are here to learn and sometimes, we make mistakes.
My knowledge of His existence is real. I don't just think He is there---I know He is. I'm going to struggle through this divorce and I'm going to succeed. It isn't going to perfect. In fact, at times it will probably be messy but I know He will still love me. I know I am righteous because I desire to do good.
My goal this week is to keep Satan out. I will pray often, study my scriptures, and believe in myself.