I'm Freaking Awesome {And so are you}

I have problems---as if that was news to a single one of you. Ha!

My problem today is something I'd like to address with my readers.

Life is hard, people. It really is. For everyone! Everyone goes through things that test their strength.

The first problem I have is this: What is so wrong about knowing you are awesome?

Seriously. I know there is a tiny hint of sarcasm whenever I call myself awesome but in all reality, I really am. And so are you. I'm not asking you to go around telling everyone of the amazing things you do. There is also something to be said about being humble. But there is NO REASON why you shouldn't fully believe you are awesome. Give yourself credit for the things you do. There is so much worth in your life.

On an almost-opposite-but-still-a-huge-problem note, there are certain comments that always make me cringe.

"___ kids is so easy. Just wait til you have ___ kids." One of my least favorites to hear. A lot of days my 2 kids are hard. When I had one kid, she was hard. I'm just going to assume that if I had 3, 4, 5, 6, etc kids, it would be hard sometimes. I respect people who decide to have big families. I also respect people who choose to have one child. I extremely respect those who yearn to have more children but can't. Any amount of children is hard work. It is a full time job to keep my kids fed, clean, happy, successfully learning, etc and on top of that, I am in school full time and babysitting other kids. Oh wait, AND I'm supposed to keep the house clean? Is this serious?! Children are the best thing that has ever happened to me. It just makes me sad when people seem to negate the fact that having 2 kids is hard. I know you've 'been there, done that' and have now moved on to bigger things {mainly, bigger families} but just try to remember what it was like to have two. It was still challenging. And if it wasn't, please remember that we were not all born the same. What is easy for you might be the biggest challenge I'll ever experience.

That last sentence brings me to my main point. We are all different. That is one of my favorite things about life. I learn so much from the people I surround myself with. My best friend often asks why we are friends because I'm such a picky eater and she easily tries new things. I think we are friends because she pushes me to do things I wouldn't normally do. Did you even know that my sister got me to re-try a fish taco and I kinda sorta liked it a little teensy weensy bit? :) I've always hated seafood with a passion. I also have friends who have gone through similiar trials and are there to talk when I need them. Do you think we are exactly the same? Heck no, though sometimes I wish we were because my friends are seriously the bomb and I'd be super lucky to be like them. But I'm already super lucky to be me!
If you are a female reading this, the quote below completely and fully applies to you.

I love knowing that no matter what, I am a princess. A real princess. And so are you.

So don't comare yourselves to others. Try to find what's super awesome about YOU. Trust me, there is a lot. Everyone has hard times, easy times, fun times, sad times, painful times, etc. So when you see someone who might be having a rough time, remember their worth too. Love them. Lift them up.

And remember to love yourself.

Time Out for Women 2013

 It's been a long time. I had forgotten what I'm missing out on.

As an 8 year old girl, I chose to be baptized and have the opportunity to have the Holy Ghost with me at all times.  Ever since that special day in my life, I've known that I had the power to keep the Spirit close to me. There have been times where I've kept it and could feel the Holy Ghost near me and other times where it seemed almost non-existent because of my stubborn will. But I always knew it was a part of me.

It really has been a while. I have received answers to prayers and felt peace in my life but it has been a while since I have felt the physical touch of angels surrounding me. There is no other way to explain it. It was real. It was powerful.

At Time Out for Women this weekend, I had overwhelming feelings of joy and sadness...yes, at the same time sometimes. It's confusing to be going through a hard time but also realizing how incredibly blessed your life is. Last night, my tears turned into sobs as I listened to Hilary Weeks sing "Beautiful Heartbreak"; one of my absolute favorite songs. I needed my mom and she was right there for me. I felt like a child again, laying my head on her shoulder and crying, and it felt so safe. I'm so lucky she's there for me.

Some of my favorite quotes from the weekend {most of them aren't word for word, just my fast note taking}:

Brad Wilcox:
Growth is optional which is why the atonement is a gift, not forced upon us.
Change is difficult.
We have to stop relying on willpower and rely on His power.
God requires eventual perfection, not immediate perfection.

Sheri Dew:
God will heal us of our weaknesses if we plead with Him.
The Lord will not force us to learn.

Mary Ellen Edmunds:
If we let something stay in our hearts, good or bad, it will grow.

S. Michael Wilcox:
Unless you pour out the grief and bitterness {in prayer}, God cannot pour back in the things that you need.
Never take counsel from your fears.
When I knock, they will open immediately if they know My voice.

Richie Norton:
Sometimes bad things happen so we can become more authentic.
Know yourself by knowing Him.

Laurel Christensen Day:
Fear of failure will plague us.
Be careful that you're not afraid of your own success.
If I want to change, I need to believe in myself.
Fight fear with love.
Don't stop petitioning the Lord for the righteous desires of your heart.
Peace is not always the thing you feel before you face your fears but it comes right after.

Can you tell I loved the speakers? Did any of those quotes speak to you in some way? Those were definitely ones that had stuck out to me last night and today. I have a few thoughts I wanted to add.

I often fear the outcomes in my life before anything happens. I fear the worst because naturally, the worst is just going to happen, right? I'm paranoid about bad things happening because I feel like I've been tested so much these past 3 years. Some days, I have a "Why not me" attitude but other days, I just can't help but feel sorry for myself and wish I had made better choices or tried harder or been better in some way. I could have fixed everything that's happened right? I could've fixed the infertility and the marriage hardships, right? It's my fault, right?
Wrong.
Plain and simple, that is so sincerely wrong.
Every day, I learn something new. Some of the best lessons I've learned recently have been in regards to my faith AND my suffering. I used to think there just must be something wrong with me because God was testing me too much. Did it mean I was oh so very weak and that he needed me to 'buck up'? Or maybe it meant that the good things I was doing in life weren't good enough to earn the title of "righteous". Some days, I listen intently to my Heavenly Father but other days, his words seem almost mixed with Satans and it's a hard job to figure out who is talking and whether I should believe their words.

An important lesson I've learned is that God does not make us feel worried or fearful or worthless. If I'm having those thoughts, I try so hard to recognize that they are from Satan so I can replace them with truth.
The truth is, I'm awesome. Ok, just kidding, but really... ;)
We all are. I'm brave and I'm strong and I know I am important to my Heavenly Father. I know He trusts me, sometimes too much, and I know He is aware of my needs. He creates miracles out of the trials in my life. Some are easy to see, others seem to take days, months, or years to recognize; but He is there.

Time Out for Women this year was my favorite so far because I've been feeling like I was done; like maybe God had made a mistake and accidentally given me too much to handle this time.
Truth? He doesn't make mistakes.
I'm constantly learning and growing and being stretched beyond what I believed to be my capacity. But here I am, alive and actually feeling joyful most of the time. That in and of itself is a true miracle.

The tradition of Time Out for Women is something I'll always be grateful for [Thanks, Karin]. To be surrounded by my sisters and mother for a weekend is something I need every year. I'm so blessed.

The very first video they showed yesterday was almost my exact story but with different people involved; or so it seemed from my view. I know God knew what I needed to hear this weekend.

 How I love these awesome friends of mine. I didn't think I could have more respect and love for them but after this weekend, I sincerely do. Everyone has trials. Everyone has heartache. It's real for everyone and comparing doesn't make your problem any less or more than you currently believe it is. It is what you personally feel, not what someone else thinks or feels.

The hardest part about this weekend was missing my kids. I'm not really the type of mom who loves a weekend away from her kids. Maybe that's because I feel I've been getting too many weekends away from my kids; the biggest downfall that comes with sharing them.

 But tonight was real and the Spirit in our home was strong. It stayed with me from Time Out for Women and it carried through our bedtime prayers and stories. It was the first time in weeks that I had specifically and individually prayed for my children and their needs during this difficult time. I often pray for me and think that will keep them going and that is partly true but this is a family trial. No one is exempt and I don't like knowing that! Why should my kids have to go through hard times? It just isn't fair.

But I know through the power of love from me and their Father in Heaven, they can become whole again and live successful, loving, happy lives. It isn't impossible. It is actually quite possible.

So tonight, I layed down with each child for a few minutes, something that proves difficult when you put them to bed at the same time and it's just you doing so. But I knew it needed to be done and I was determined to remind them of their worth and potential tonight. After saying prayers with Petey, she looked up and me and said, "Mommy, that was the best prayer I have ever heard in my life." And as I cried and held her while she drifted off to dreamland, I was so grateful for the Spirit and the opportunity we have to feel it in our own home.

We are so blessed.
I am so blessed.

Decisions and Judging

"Worrying won't stop the bad stuff from happening; it just stops you from enjoying the good." -Unknown

I'm a worrier. Have I mentioned that before? Oh, I have? Well, here we go again.

If it wasn't for my worrying mind, life would be much easier. It would still be hard, but it'd be easiER. I'm learning that worrying diminishes my faith. If I have faith, there is no reason to worry. God gave me this life because He knew I could live it and He knew I'd be ok in the end. So why worry?

There seems to be so much to worry about but I've decided to just stop. I've had to come to some really hard conclusions lately and worrying that those decisions aren't right has taken away from the Spiritual answer I received in the first place. Why is it so hard to trust an answer to prayer when it is so clearly in front of me? Because it's scary sometimes.

It's scary to feel like we might be alone or judged or even ridiculed for the choices we make. It's scary to think about the repercussions because sometimes there are bad repercussions even when we are making the right decision. Does that even make sense? I know I'm trusting in my Heavenly Father but I also know that my life will still be hard for a while. Good choices don't always equal good consequences right away. Sometimes it takes a little bit of pain before we get to feel the good. That makes the right choices harder to make.

Sometimes I feel stuck; like no matter what decision I make, there is heartache ahead. I don't know if I've ever really been faced with a decision like that before but it's here now and it's hard. I'm learning so much about my judgements toward others. Mostly, I'm just learning to NEVER judge anyone...never...ever. You have no idea what someone's whole life is like. You have no idea if they are making decisions based on selfishness or the Spirit, what their living situation is, how they are treated every day, what they feel like on the inside, how much money they have, how they were raised, their past, etc. I could seriously go on forever. The point is we just don't know everything about anyone else's life. We may think we do but honestly, we don't.  And we can't. Everyone reacts to situations differently so we can't judge someone for the choices they made in any given situation. That choice is between them and God.

So there's my tangent. Can you tell how strongly I feel about that right now? I hate being in the position of "judged" and it's taught me to leave others the frick alone! Seriously. So next time you see someone who is different and you feel like judging them for it, just don't. Once you start viewing others as children of God, it'll be easier to love them, no matter their choices. Isn't that what Christ would do? And aren't we striving to become more like Him? I know I am.

Pick up your friends. Support the people in your life. Don't look at their lives and find the negatives. Everyone has positives in their life if you look hard enough. Some might be more hidden but those are the ones probably in more need of love than anyone else.

Love unconditionally.

Pray every day.

Try putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

View everyone as a child of God.

Hopfully, this will help us all to become more like the only perfect man to ever walk this earth.

Little of This, Little of That

 I have been itching to blog for weeks and weeks but I never seem to muster up enough energy after the housework, the homework, babysitting, raising my children, and trying to just stay sane. I did, however, get a short post up the other day before my computer died on account of me forgetting to take the cord to my parents' house.

Anyway, I'm back. The internet is working again at my house and I'm ready to catch you up on some of the things we've been up to. I'll try not to make this post to mushy-gushy but that's really how I've been feeling lately. I'm either crying from happiness or crying from pain but either way, there are a lot of tears flowing around here.

Saturday was a super special day for me. Last minute, I got invited to do the ROC (Ridiculous Obstacle Course) race with some of my favorite friends. We had one man and six women running in our group and since we found the most awesome dalmation outfit for the guy, we all dressed up as black cats. At first, it sounded a bit boring to me but after seeing almost EVERYONE in tutus and crazy knee socks, I knew we were the ones standing out.

The only picture I took was this one...while I was driving on the freeway. Don't worry, I didn't look while I was taking the picture so this is what I got. Rebecca applying black whiskers to Jamie's face while Dawn smiles and Lacey looks like she's ready to beat someone up. Hope it wasn't me! ;)

The "race" was really fun but not really much of a race...definitely my kind of race. =D If you've ever seen Wipeout, just imagine some of those crazy obstacle courses and you'll have an idea of the things we did. It was so much fun! I hope I can go again next year and every year after that!

School is going great right now. I am ready to sign up for next semester and am trying out a completely new schedule to see if I like it better than night classes. I have one online class that ends in 3 weeks and the rest of my classes end in 5 weeks. My grades have stayed up and I'm loving the learning and social aspects of school. Only 11 more semesters until I can be a fully practicing marriage and family therapist. Ha!

 Both Spidey and Hayley were given balance bikes a month or so ago and have been doing great learning how to ride two-wheelers. Petey insists that she is going to ask Santa for a bigger bike but that she doesn't want it if it comes with training wheels. I told her she needs to practice a ton before Christmas then because I won't let Santa bring her something that is just going to sit there forever. I'm such a nice mom...

 Mr. Dec loved having his mom push him around on Spidey's balance bike. Isn't he the cutest little boy in the world? I mean, besides my Spidey, of course.

 We had one super fun, CrAzY weekend where I watched all FOUR of my friend's children and I was also babysitting my little sister. I took 7 kids to 8am church by myself and we were still on time...barely. The kids had a blast all weekend playing together and having sleepovers.

 My goodness, my friend makes adorable children!

 Also while I was watching those 7 kids, our ward had it's annual fall festival and I braved it with all of the kids. I could not leave without a picture of Leyla's son. Seriously, isn't his costume awesome?

 Baby love!!! Aww, Dec and his little buddy from church.

I found ways to keep the Halloween spirit in Petey's uniforms. Those awesome necklaces I make {and sell} sure do come in handy when I feel like dressing that girly up!

A couple of things not pictured that have happened lately:

-I signed Spidey up for a hip hop class with Petey's old teacher, JaNae, and he loves it! He actually performed with his group at a trunk or treat and was such a cute little stud! He had been asking to dance like his big sister so I decided to give it a try!

-Petey performed at the state fair and was a rockstar! Seriously, we barely made it in time for her performance and she still rocked it out on stage. She has improved immensely since the beginning of this dance year and I'm so proud of all of her hard work.

-Petey also learned how to do a back walkover by herself at home one day. I was in AWE. My 5 year old is doing tricks I was finally brave enough to teach myself at 8 or 9. She is amazing.

-I hope I posted about Spidey turning 4 but if not, Spidey turned 4 this past month. I can hardly believe it. Who told him he was allowed to grow up?

-I was sick for almost 3 weeks straight in October! It was absolutely miserable. It started with a persistent cough that turned into an ear infection {the worst ear pain I have EVER felt} and made it's way into a sinus infection after that. Of course, two of my friends had babies during that time and it's been killing me that I couldn't hold their newborns! Sunday was my first day of feeling almost completely back to normal and I got to hold the sweetest little baby girl at church! Yay! I plan to sneak attack the other friend soon and steal her baby for some cuddles. I am so in love with new babies!

It has been a whirlwind of a month and I'm excited for the holidays to really kick into full gear. As hard as this year is/has been, I plan to make the best of it because I've been given so so so SO so so much!

Proud and Thankful

 I would feel incredibly ungrateful if I didn't take some of my free time while the kids are with their dad to talk about the immense amount of love and help I have in my life. It's almost ridiculous how often people are supporting and helping me but in a very good way.

I have the best friends. Every time I say that sentence, there are one or two in particular who ALWAYS come to mind. Always. Every time. Because they are just that incredible. They include me in their own families and make me feel whole when I'm ready to break. They always seem to know when I'm in need of service, even if it annoys them sometimes because of how often it happens. They are just too good at listening to the Spirit. ;)

I have the best family. What can I even say about my amazing family that isn't said multiple times on this blog? Support, support, support, telling me what I need to hear, more support, and many other things. They're just always there for me.

There are times I feel alone even amidst my wonderful children, family, and friends but surprisingly enough, those feelings don't stay long. I know it has EVERYTHING to do with how much my Heavenly Father loves me and the special people he has placed in my life. It's normal to feel down sometimes but I'm definitely not broken and that makes me so grateful.

My children are incredible. I love the blessings I enjoy of getting to stay home with my children almost full time. I love seeing Spidey grow into a little boy, further away from the toddler years. It makes me sad but I'm proud of who he is becoming. He is such a loving little fella.
Petey had her first dance performance at the AZ State Fair and did AH-MAZING.

I mean, she looks super scary old but she is such a gorgeous little girl.

 The story of the fair will have to wait for later because my computer is about to die and I want to post this before that happens. :)

 Petey is turning into a beautiful little girl. She is so sweet and smart and incredible!

The Story of Suzanne

 Once upon a time, a cute little curly-headed princess was born.

She was a freckly-faced, chunky-cheeked little princess who's attitude was bigger than her.

 She grew up surrounded by loving sisters and the cutest little brother in the whole world.

Life wasn't always easy but she chalked that up to her own choices she had made.

When she got out of high school, she was determined for things to be easier. That never seemed to happen.

It has been 7 years since her wish and she still hasn't been granted that "easy life" she asked for. Instead, she has been given challenges; challenges that sometimes make her angry or discouraged. It seems as though every couple of years, a new challenge surfaces and she thinks, "Now this one I cannot handle." and yet, handle it she does; usually with grace, sometimes with a little bit of crazy mixed in.

For a long time, she wondered why. Why, when she was trying so hard to be a good person, would God give her these challenges? Now she wonders why not. Why not me? If it can happen to anyone, why wouldn't there be a chance that it would happen to me? Don't get me wrong, that doesn't usually take the pain away but it helps her to look outward and see that others are struggling too. It isn't just her. And not only are there others, some of their stories she wouldn't want in a million years.

God gives us what we can handle. He doesn't give us what our neighbor can handle or what our children will be able to handle. He specifically gives us things that we can handle and He helps us every step of the way. We are never alone. You are never alone.

Sometimes, Suzanne forgets, as I'm sure most of us do but luckily, her parents have instilled it in her and she always seems to remember it in her darkest hours.

I wish I could say that Princess Suzanne grows up to be a successful queen that is kind-hearted and loving to others but she's still pretty young---two days away from her 26th birthday to be exact---and she still has a ways to grow up but I have a feeling she'll get there. Every day, she's learning and growing.

The Babes Turns 4!

 My BABY turned 4 this past Monday. I can't believe it. He is not supposed to grow up so fast.

Lucky for him, he got to have his first 'friend' birthday party this year. He decided he wanted a superhero party but he wanted it at the zoo. Done and done!

My sister was an awesome helper and drove half of the kids in her van and I took the other half.

 Petey was so excited that I found a girl Spiderman costume that I had bought last year after Halloween for $1.

 The kids decided instead of walking around that they wanted to ride the train so they'd have the opportunity to see more animals in the amount of time we had.

 Then we met up with my mom and my nephews for cupcakes and presents.

 Doesn't that blue face look adorable!?

 Present opening time was a favorite for my boy.

 He was spoiled with toys beyond toys.

 After the party, we headed to Famous Dave's because the birthday boy gets a free meal AND free ice cream sundae.

 Then we drove to Toys'R'Us to use his gift card and get his birthday crown.

 Last but certainly not least, we had dinner at my parents' house and we sang happy birthday to Spidey and my little niece.

What a wonderful day for a wonderful little boy! My Spidey lights up my life!!! He is so active and yet so sweet. I love that little boy so incredibly much and am so grateful that he'll always be mine.