Friday, September 27, 2013

My Feelings Through Music

Music is a huge part of my life.

Whenever I'm in the car alone, I turn my music up really loud and pray that a song comes on the radio that I need to hear. That may sound funny but so far, it's worked. Sara Bareilles' song 'Brave' literally came on 5 times in a 15 minute drive I was on last week and it was exactly what I needed. I cried every time I'd change the station and it'd be playing on a different station.
I have had a lot of time to myself to reflect on life this past month. Whether it is heading to my counselor's office {who keeps me sane these days}, driving to and from school late at night, or dropping my kids off to their dad, music has helped me through some tough things I've been feeling. Sometimes music interprets my feelings better than I can.
These are a couple of my favorite songs right now that I crank the volume up on.

If you're wondering how these relate to my life or if they even do, you're going to have to continue to speculate. Sorry. :)

I'm so incredibly thankful for music.

Going back to that first song, I've learned much more about bravery this month than ever before. The biggest lesson I've learned this week is that bravery doesn't mean holding your feelings in so it looks like you're always doing fine. Sometimes, I'm not fine. Sometimes, I want to scream or cry or just be numb and it helps to let my friends or family know how I'm feeling. It's ok to not always be fine. It's ok for this to take a while to heal my heart. I thought bravery was getting through my trial as fast as possible and bottling up any excess of hurt feelings I had but that isn't going to help me be whole again.
You'd think I'd be an expert on 'how to get through trials' by now, huh? That's what I figured anyway. I thought since life has been up and down hard for 2.5 years, I should be able to get over this faster. And since I found that to be the biggest lie I've been telling myself, I am starting over and letting myself hurt for a while.

1 comment:

Kelly said...

Music has a way of speaking to the soul and touching upon things in ways that nothing else can. Can you imagine a world without music? I cannot.

I'm sorry you are going through such trying times. I don't know what else to say other than I'm sincerely sorry you are going through what you are. I wish for you strength and to feel, everyday, the love the Lord has for you. <3