Do I keep sounding down in the dumps lately in my posts?
Well, I'm here to tell you that I am one happy lady. Oh yes, I am a happy lady with trials but I must never forget how happy I am at this moment.
I feel like with each day that passes, I understand more and more why I am here. I realize that I have an important role in this life I have been blessed to live. I am a daughter of God. I am a wife. I am a mother. The role seems pretty darn clear, right? And yet, I've struggled to really find who I am and what those roles mean in my life.
What does it mean to be a daughter of God? I've asked myself this question many times and many answers have come to mind. God actually created me personally. I am not just some genetic make up that was picked through a process similar to random.org. Nope, I am special and created to be me and no one else. The roles I play in life are particular to what God has intended for me. Being a daughter of God makes me the wife and mother that I am. I know I have purpose and I know I am special.
My role as a wife is to be there as a support and comfort for my husband. It is not a role that serves me but a role that serves my spouse. As easy as it sounds, I think most of us have struggled learning this particular role. When we are dating and engaged, we are swept off our feet and we expect marriage to be a continium of that every day. But alas, it usually doesn't work that way and in my case, I found myself in a rut, not really knowing what my role as a wife was. But trust me when I say since learning that my role is more supportive and less selfish, my marriage has been quite easier and I've been much happier.
My role as a mother means that I keep my standards high and my patience higher. Knowing that I influence two little beings is a huge responsibility and I try so hard to be the best mother that I can be to them. Of course, I am far from perfect...like probably farther than the average mother. I yell. A lot. More than I ever intend to. But it's something I'm working on and I try so hard every day to take it down one notch. As a mother, I feel the responsibility to teach by example and if I'm yelling all of the time, my kids will do the same. So my role as a mother helps me to be a better person each day.
So there you have it. I'm happier than it has sounded recently. I apologize for the vague posts about "dealing with stuff". I have a post all written up about OCD and the effects it has had on me recently but it seems almost weird to share. I wouldn't want you all to think I'm crazy or something... :)
Ok, fine, so you probably already know I'm crazy.
But at least I'm crazy AND happy, right?