Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Sentimental With Emphasis on the Mental

Sometimes it is really hard having all of your older sisters pregnant when you can't get pregnant.
I mean, really? All of them? None of us really planned to be trying around the same time and yet, we must've been on the same wave link because we all tried...and 3 of us got pregnant, with me being the only one that hasn't.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
For the past few months, I've sometimes even forgotten that I'm infertile but not these past few weeks.
Lately, it's just been one hard "infertile" day after another.

On a side note:
Other than infertility, my life is great! Not perfect but I don't really have complaints.
Boss is deciding to switch his major and though I was frustrated at first, I'm actually happy and feeling really good about that. We had just hit the halfway mark in school and this may add on a semester or two but I don't really mind it. He has a job. I have a job. The kids are healthy and adorable and I have no complaints!

But back to the point:
I know we will have a baby when it's right but as I watch my kids grow and see so many people around me having babies, I just get a little sad and wish I was right there with them.
It's a hard thing to explain because it seems that the more time that passes, the easier and harder it gets to have infertility.
The easier being that I'm much more used to it and have accepted it as part of my life.
The harder being that the longer it takes to get pregnant, the less hope I have of getting pregnant again.
It is hard to watch my sisters with their growing bellies (and one of them already with her baby out of her tummy) and I know it won't really get easier to see people close to me announce pregnancies but life can't stop for everyone just because I'm going through a trial. And I would want others to be happy for me if I were pregnant so I do the same for those I love.
What makes it a tiny bit easier is the love that I have for my sisters. I'm so lucky to have the 4 of them and they can always make me smile (they're also pretty good at making me angry...). :)

I know this will seem like such a short time once it is all over. I am already so blessed and I'm quite happy with my life...I just wish there were more of those cute babies running around my house. I blame my baby hunger on my children. If they weren't so adorable and good, I wouldn't want anymore! :)

It just seems like it's been so long since I've carried a baby in my tummy.
Today we were watching old family videos and I missed them being young. It will be 3 years in October since I had a baby in my tummy. How is that even possible? Spidey's still a baby!
I feel so lucky to be able to witness all of the wonderful things my "babies" are accomplishing.
Petey starts dance again in August (to replace preschool since we're not putting her in it) and is just growing up into such a polite little lady. She is the exact personality of her mother and is super shy until she trusts somebody to not run away when she becomes crazy and funny. And once she becomes crazy and funny, the party begins. She is so entertaining and silly! I really can't believe it's only a year before she starts kindergarden! How am I old enough for this?
Spidey is not a baby in any way...though I'll still call him that probably until he's 87. He is learning letters, shapes, and he still doesn't recognize all of his colors. It's kind of weird since we work on it often but those colors just confuse him! And yet, he knows most of his ABC's if I write them down. haha. He's sillier than silly and loves to make people laugh. He talks like a big kid now and although it's cute, it makes me sad that he is growing up so fast.

I know I'm past the point of rambling.
I'm obviously feeling sentimental today.
I'm also obviously a little bit more emotional than normal...or is this normal? Who knows!

But if you seriously read all of that and still want to be my friend, thank you!
And if you read all of that and no longer want to be my friend...oops! Your loss. :)

And that's how Suze rambles.

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