A Needed Project

I have figured that when we do things little by little, life is not as overwhelming. Currently I cannot see the floor in my bedroom, the family room is filled with toys/blankets/clothes I was supposed to fold, and the done dishes are waiting for me to put them away. But tonight, all of that was put on hold because a special someone's room is ALWAYS being put on hold for those other projects.
Tonight, I cleaned Petey's room.
About time right?

It started looking so good and clean and I was even thinking of trying to get stains out of her carpet (I know, brave me!) but she followed me around, trying to undo everything I had done so it was a short clean up. But it looks so much better!!! I dont trip in her room anymore (though tomorrow will be a different story once I let her back in there with her toys).

We even got crafty and put some cute decals on the walls that we found at Target. I've been looking for some non-expensive ones that matched her room and finally, we found some! I love the brown/pink flower look.

Productive Wednesday

What a week of pur bliss.

Ok, just kidding, pure bliss would be a slight exaggeration but a productive week, it was.

First order of business, I have semi-started up Hayley's Bowtique again. I decided to quit it because I was working full time and hated coming home to orders and having to "work" when I was home from work. I don't know if the Wednesdays off have helped or what it is, but I feel like I have slightly more time to create. So create I will!

I made these flowers for my awesome cousin. She has 3 boys---and ordered them for her photography business to have on hand for those cute little girlies. :) What a great idea!

Also this week, I got even craftier with one of Petey's outfits. I don't usually make her accessories that only match one outfit but she has a pink shirt with zebra print sleeves and it is just the cutest thing! I couldnt help but make her a necklace with a zebra print pendant in the middle and this week, she acquired a new bow to match the whole outfit!!! Guess we should find more zebra outfits. :)

Here is another fancy flower I made for our household. We love it!

I also sent my cousin these white headbands in 3 different sizes for her business.

All of this happened on Wednesday, the day that I also had a playdate for my kids and did a load of dishes. I have no idea how we get this much done in ONE day with 2 kids under two but we do it and have fun while we're at it!!!

I must really love you

Once upon a time, I posted a picture that I vowed NEVER to post.

It is from 2 days before Andersen's birth.

I realized tonight after stepping out of the shower that babies don't necessarily make you look 'hot' anymore. Wow, between my diet/exercise habits and my 2 kids, we have successfully ruined my body. Now to get it back...

Now look below...how many chins does she have? Maybe two? Certainly not the 10 swollen chins you see in the top picture.

Someday, I think I'll show the top picture to my kids so they know how much I really loved them. Especially kiddo #3 (and that is in no way an announcement...kiddo #3 wont be living here for 3-4 [maybe more] years if I have a say). Because I knew what I looked like here so when I choose to get pregnant with kiddo #3, that's truly showing motherly love, isnt it? :)

I think so...

And that's how Suze sees it.

A Lady

Today, while writing my husband an email, I almost called myself a woman.

And then I hesitated.

And then I switched the word to lady. :)

Odd, huh? I most certainly am a woman but don't feel as though that title fits me. On the inside, Im still 16.
Looking in the mirror the other day, I thought to myself, "This year I turn 23. Yuck!" No offense to any of you out there who are older than 23. I just really don't feel like a 20 something. Obviously I have children so we can all be grateful that I am a 20 something but most times, I just dont feel it.

What makes it harder to feel older is being the youngest out of my 4 sisters. I have 2 younger siblings, both with disabilities, so I was the baby of the 4 older kids (yup, 6 of us all together).

I have a baby voice (or at least I'd bet that I do). For example, I work in billing and you'd consider that to be a mature job (at least I do). People call on the phone and start using words like "hun", "babe", "sweetheart", and I'm baffled. Did I tell you I was 14? Because I'm not, person on the other side of the phone. I am a mother and people don't normally walk around calling me "sweetheart", like you would to a 5 year old.
Or there are the people that don't necessarily call me by certain names but talk to me in a way you would speak to your 3 year old child. They talk more high pitched, a lot slower, and seem to be raising their eyebrows and grinning on the other side. Are they thinking if they ask nicely and talk really slow that I'll understand them better? I'm not quite sure. But I do understand them, I do take my job seriously, and I do know what I am doing (for the most part...Ive only been in billing for 3 months).

So this year, I'm turning 23 (honestly, that is still 9 months away). Bring. It. On.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Big Babies

Tonight, I decided that babies get too big, too fast.

And that's how Suze sees it.

When did she become a toddler?

Can anyone else believe that my princess is going to be 2 in just a few more months? I am already started to plan ideas for what we will do and it's making it feel really soon!

1yr old was still a baby but 2? That's old... :) She is a toddler now and I just cant believe it!

Lately, I have been trying to get Petey into a nighttime routine. You see, we've never really had a routine for her. It was just, "Goodnight, Give me a kiss." or something along those lines.

So two nights ago, I decided she was old enough to repeat after me while saying bedtime prayers. So Petey said her prayers and I got emotional and teary eyed because it was such a precious moment between us. Halfway through the prayer, she noticed a book on the ground nearby and would not let the "Book?!" subject go until I gave her the book to hold---and then we finished our prayer. We then read the book (and she seriously sat through the entire book and listened!), sang a song (Twinkle, Twinkle is an all time favorite right now) and then we kissed goodnight. She seems to usually go right to sleep after this routine, even though sometimes before I leave, she tries to get me to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle" (or more sounding like "Cookle, cookle") a few more times. Sometimes we do it more than once and sometimes I just tell her goodnight and leave. It just seems so precious and more productive to have this routine. Toddlers need structure, to that I can attest. If Hayley is awake and doesnt have attention focused on her (ie: when I am feeding her brother), she destroys things--mostly on purpose. She has been better about this lately but it was pretty bad for a while. She ripped apart a nice book into shreds one day while I fed him, all the while smiling up at me, knowing I could do nothing about it. She is als a lot happier when she has attention (Wouldn't you be?). You can tell by the way she talks to you and her tone of voice. Funny that my two-word-sentences baby has a separate tone of voice like that but what can I say? She is sassy and learns quickly. But like a friend said to me earlier today, she is my kid and we couldn't really expect anything less from her.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Rough Day

Today was a rough day. Hurt husband, sad wife, whiney baby girl, etc (Our Spidey was happy, as always).
But today I'd like to focus on something else.
I am a happy person. I truly am grateful for the things that I have. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, and the most handsome son in the entire world.
But does that make it so that I have no right to say that things could be better? Does it mean that I have no right to wish I was home with my kids?
My posts were somewhat invalidated tonight.
Hurtful things were said and that is not what this was ever about.
This is MY blog, remember?
I thought this was an invulnerable place to put my feelings and yet, my feelings got shot in the butt tonight.
"Maybe you should've waited to have kids until you could afford them."
Wow...
I am feeling that comment cut deeper than it was probably meant (or maybe it was meant as a harsh, inconsiderate comment) Sugar coated comments may not be what I need but really, what do I need from you?
I don't necessarily need your love (unless you are one of my family members reading this).
But what I seriously don't need is your hatred.
This wasn't about proving myself as a person, it was a small window inside my life, a small glimpse at my feelings, a helpful outsource for the things I am feeling.
You honestly have no idea what things may be like for me on an every day basis and I the same for you.
So why not stay friendly and nice, not rude and hateful?
No one needs hatred.
No one.

Schick Intuition

I am all about convenience so when I saw this at the store approximately 1 year ago, I knew we needed to become better acquainted.

So I bought one...used it up...bought another...used that one up...You see where this is going. This new Schick Intuition has become my best friend! It made shaving my legs during pregnancy 100 times easier! (that is, up until the point where I became 39 weeks pregnant and my husband finally gave in to Nair my legs for me)

Maybe you see this as lazy but I think the word convenience is a better description. I shave my legs less often when I have to lather soap on my legs and take what seems like forever to get the job done! With this amazing contraption, I can just run it up my legs each time I shower. No preparation needed!

So if you are into convenience like I am, try this! I'm telling you, you will love it!

Dont I sound like an infomercial. I apologize. I would not tell you about it if I didn't think it was a worthy subject to talk about. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

In a rut

I have found myself in a rut---in a depression, of sorts.
Sometimes it hits like a tidal wave and other times, it creeps slowly inside of me.
I know this is one of my many accountability posts---"Oh poor me, I want to lose weight." Blah Blah Blah!
Seriously.
Some days I try to make it work really hard---other days, I just plan on eating healthier with no rule book to follow.
I've exercised more often, I've been taking lunches to work and eating healthier and I just havent been seeing results.
Then today happened.
Today I put on a shirt and it fit a little bit easier.
Today I look in the mirror and I am not any happier but at least I felt something.
I felt that difference and it's all I can ask for right now.
The changes take time. They really do and many times in my many weight stages, I am too impatient to wait for the change.
So I get to about 160lbs and look in the mirror and think, "Ah, ok, she's not TOO big. I can handle that look. Im fine right here." But Im not HAPPY at 160. My husband knows Im not happy at 160. Everybody who spends enough time with me knows it.
So I will keep trying. And I will make it.

And that's how Suze sees it.

2 more projects done!

Here is a picture of the bow holder FILLED with bows...the most ridiculous part being that this is not even all of her bows (and the second most ridiculous part being that on this huge bow holder, I dont think all of her bows fit).Secondly, I made another fancy white board for our house this time. I love it and after making it, realize it completely matches this awesome picture board my sister in law made for us when we got married---so when it actually gets hung up, it will be going somewhere near that picture board.

Valentine's Wreath

This one is pretty self explanitory. Whatever holiday wreath you'd like, cut 16 in strips of ribbon and double knot them around the entire foam circle. Tie one piece of ribbon with a loop hole in it so you can hang it up, inside or out! I got this idea from Ribbons and Lace in Mesa so you can go to their website if you'd like to see a video tutorial.

Bow Holder

This is a bow holder I made for Petey. First, you do the same thing as you did for the fancy white board. Pick a cute fabric for your little girl and hot glue the edges around the cardboard for the picture frame. On the actual picture frame, you mod podge your fabric around the wood and paint over it with the mod podge (I may rethink this though the next time I make one because I didnt like the texture of the fabric after mod podging it). On the first piece of cardboard that you hot glued, hot glue strips of ribbon (I used 7 pieces, use as many as you'd like) and put the picture frame back together.

Oh! And throw away the glass or figure something else out to do with it. You dont need it for this project.

Good luck! We love this bow holder since my girlie as about a million bows to hang up! :)

A fancy white board

You can click to enlarge this collage if you'd like. I made my sister a new "white board", only fancier. You pick a light fabric that matches whatever room you'd like it in, hot glue all edges to the cardboard back of a picture frame(I know, mine looks REALLY bad in the back but who cares) and write on the glass with an erasable marker. And there you have it! A fancy looking white board!

Emotions

Why is it that I feel anger so easily? Why is it that jealousy abounds when I hear of others having the things I can't have right now? And why does that anger turns in to pain as I think about the next three years of my life and what they entail?

I told a friend today, "My children are growing up in the blink of an eye---why cant my husband's college be done in the blink of an eye?" I want my children to slow down and for school to speed up. I want the next three years to painlessly make their mark on my family so that I can have the hope of staying home with my children (you knew that was what this post was going to end up being about, didn't you?). It is not doubt in my husband that makes these years seem hard. It is the me-working/him-stressing/kids-still-growing that make these years seem slightly dreadful. He is the most amazing person and is willing to work AND go to school AND try to get this all done in 3 years or less. I just know it will be busy, it will be stressful, and it will make a mark, whether good or bad, on our family. It can make us or break us---and I'd rather it not break us.

So why cant I learn NOT to covet? Yes, I want what a 18 year old girl who got pregnant out of wed-lock has. Why should she get to stay home with her baby when I did things the right way? Don't get offended that I said that. I am spilling my feelings all over this page. It is hard for a mother like me to see situations like that where said baby wasn't planned and yet somehow, mom still finds a way to stay home. I cant find that way. Right now, there isn't a way. What I need to find is acceptance and patience. Someday, I know we will be blessed for the things we are doing right now. It may not be today because what would that teach me? Perseverance is something my family is learning and feeding off of. For some reason, this needs to happen.

I don't know the whole plan. Only God knows. And it is so very hard for me to put my trust in him but I am working on it. Trust is not one of my strong points...

And that's how Suze sees it.

176

On Saturday, I took the kids on a walk all around the neighborhood. I tried to be healthier and keep myself active as much as possible.
Yesterday, I again ate healthy all day, went on a bike ride, and tried to stay active.
Today, I woke up before the kids and went on a bike ride, then took the kids to the store and walked through a couple of extra aisles, came home and baked some cookies (didnt eat a single one by the way!), and here I am.

And the new number is...176!

Goodbye 6 pounds. I dont ever want to see you again!!!

6 pounds in three days! I know it wont always be like this. I know I will probably get to about 2 pounds a week but 2 pounds is 2 pounds, right? The 160's are my hardest to get through but we'll pass that bridge when we come to it.

Thanks for the support! I sure am on my way and that's as good as it gets right now!

Two Thousand Ten

In 2010, I want to make some very specific goals. If they are not specific, I feel as though they will not be achieved (as in past years).

In 2010, I want to be healthier. Yes, I want to lose 50 pounds but the key to 2010 is becoming a healthier person. I dont want to pant and sweat when chasing my toddler around the house. I want to be able to easily run through the park with her or get down on my hands and knees and play with my son. I want to breathe...easily...after running a mile. And not only is this my 2010 goal, this is my "By July 2010..." goal. If I say it's for 2010, it will take me all year when really it can be done in only half a years time.

In 2010, I want to be more financially stable. I want to build up a good amount of savings AND pay off on car. This will probably take all year long as it is an ongoing thing so by December 2010, I would like better financial stability.

In 2010, I would like to become closer to my Heavenly Father. I would like to read my scriptures every day and say my morning prayers (night prayers have always been easier for me). I would like to have a better spiritual relationship with my husband and teach my children more of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.

In 2010, I would like to be happier. 2009 was a depressing year. Most of it came with pregnancy hormones and the parts that didnt were filled with post partum hormones. I am getting back to my normal self and would like to be an all around happier person. 2010 has a lot to offer me. No babies will be joining our family (or so we can pray...haha), my kids will be growing up (if only it would slow down!), and by the end of 2010, my husband will have finished a whole new year of schooling (ok, I can pretty much say that about any of the upcoming years). By the end of 2010, we may only have TWO more years of school left for my husband which means TWO more years of me working...as I can always hope.

2010...you're looking positive! Ill try to keep it that way. :)

Accountability

(taken yesterday up in the mountains going sledding)

Ok, fine, I'll tell you a little secret.

The day after I wrote my 182 post, I had chicken wings and pizza for dinner at a friends...and I got sick.

The next day, we were out and about around dinner time so we had sonic...and I got sick!

And seriously (I know, another day?), the next night, while at my parent's cabin, we made chili dogs for everyone...and you know what's coming next, I got sick!!!

I feel like my body is saying, "You liar! You said you would eat healthier! What is your problem???" And seriously, these posts will become old and boring if I am not going to do what I say I'm going to do. What's the point of being accountable if I am not going to take this seriously? So I think I've learned my lesson and in 2010, I will become healthier, lighter, and happier.

Because you see, let's be honest, there are many days I am not happy and it 100% revolves around my weight.

So today, the kids and I are going to the park. We will not be driving, we will be taking the stroller. And today, I think we'll play a bit in the back yard and run around. And then tonight after the basketball game (GO ASU!), I think I will run a mile. And all in between here, I will NOT go out to eat and will instead find something healthier at home.



Here's to today!



And that's how Suze sees it.