There is a special song I listen to when I'm having a hard mom day or just a hard day in general. It is often played on 89.9 which is a family Christian radio station. Today as we were headed home from a wonderful day at my sister-in-law's (cant I just call her my sister and skip the "in law" part?), I sang it to myself. It wasnt playing on the radio and my ipod is dead right now (with the cord somewhere lost), so I just sang it. To give you a background before typing the chorus, the father is singing about his wife and kids and the chorus is them pleading with him to be the spiritual leader of their home.
"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Dont leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to find
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."
When I first heard this song, the second verse really hit me hard because he sings about his kids, "I see their faces, Look in their innocent eyes, They're just children from the outside. I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine, They're indepedent, But on the inside I can hear them saying."(and then the chorus is sung). I guess it just reall my hit me because I was leaving my kids for 8 hours a day at the time and thinking they were indepedent enough not to need me.
Now that I'm home, I realize how untrue that is. My kids need me.
I heard the lead singer of Sanctus Real (the band) talking on 89.9 about this song one day. He spoke of how his wife sat down with him and explained to him that he was the patriarch of their home and no matter what dreams he was chasing by becoming a famous singer, their family needed to come first and their faith needed to come first. He sat down with her and together, they wrote this song.
The message is so important, not only for husbands/fathers but for all family members. There are days that my 2 year old and I are constantly on each other's nerves and I feel like giving up as a mother and then I remember the most important reason for being on this earth because I do believe it is the most important reason I am here. Motherhood. We will get through the terrible 2's and 3's and 4's and 5's all the way to the terrible 16's. :) And as we lead each other, we will be blessed.
Staying home has really, and I mean really, made me realize just how much I love my husband. As he leaves for school, comes home, leaves for work, and ends his day around midnight, my love for him has grown so much stronger. We are a much happier family since we made this important change in our lives and I just cannot believe how hard he works for us. I love him more today than the day I married him. And even moreso than I did the days our two beautiful children were born.
And now that I've written this beautiful novel, it's time for bed. :)
And that's how Suze sees it.