Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Today was the day

Ladies and gentlemen.

Today was the day.

Today I took them for granted.
Today I wondered if I had made a mistake by quitting my job.
Today I felt like a bad mom.

This morning, my Petey girl was on one. The first time out was given and she yelled out, "Mom, I peed my pants!" The second time out was given a while later and the same response came from that girl within minutes. The third time. And then the fourth time. By the fourth time, she was taking a time out in her bed (which is what happens if she cant stay in the time out spot) and she peed all over her bed. I knew it wasn't an accident. I was pretty sure by the first time out that they werent accidents. And by that fourth time, she really got to me.
I yelled.
I cried.
I prayed for the strength to overcome my anger and anxiety.
I cried some more.
And she looked down at me and asked, "Mommy, when I make bad choices it makes you sad?"

The rest of the day went ok. Little mishaps here and there but we made it out just fine.

I realized today how hard it is to be a mother...and especially a full time stay at home mother. This is something I didnt quite understand before. I have such a deep love for my children that I didnt believe it could be the hardest job I've ever been given. But with hard work comes some of the greatest rewards I will ever experience in this lifetime.

One of those rewards was hearing Petey ask me if her bad choices made me sad. It was the realization that I am teaching her something. That she does learn from me. I want my daughter to trust and respect me, not be afraid of me. This is why I've decided to start a "yell chart". Slightly like a pott chart or job chart, I will put a stick on it if I can go a whole day without yelling. I feel like a child for having to do this but whatever it takes to be the best parent I can be, Ill do.

Wish me luck! And try not to think I'm too crazy. I really try to stay calm more often than it probably sounds.

And that's how Suze sees it.

1 comment:

Ken_and_Becky said...

Awww, that is so sweet of her to say. She is such a sweetheart (a firecracker, but cute...which makes it like 10 times harder to get mad, haha) I totally understand your idea of making a yell chart. It would probably be a good idea for everyone really - to make a goal of patience and perseverance and to have a way to stay accountable for it. That's cool.