Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2014: Day 8

Day 8: A moment.

This is probably the most vague challenge but the second I read it, I knew what I wanted to talk about.

I wanted to talk about April 2012.
April 2012 was a great month.
I was getting used to my infertility and the fact that I might not have any more children.
My kids were at super fun ages---3 and 2 years old.
But the most significant event of April 2012 was getting called to be the second counselor in our ward's Relief Society.
At the time, I was struggling to decide whether I was a good person or not. Infertility had rocked me and taken a chunk of my self esteem with it.
I had never voiced those fears to anyone, not even my husband but the minute I was asked to be that second counselor, I had an overhwleming feeling that my Heavenly Father knew me, loved me, and trusted me. He knew I was a good person and He wanted me to know it.
That calling changed my life.
Sadly, I was only in the presidency for 4 months but during that time, I learned more about service than I ever had before. I learned how to love and not judge more than I ever had before.
The month after I was released was the second hardest trial I've experienced in my life (and it had nothing to do with being released) and I honestly believe I would've handled it so differently, so much worse, had I not been given that chance to learn and grow so much the 4 months prior.
April 2012 through August 2012 gave me such a great testimony that things happen for a reason. The events that have transpired in my life have come in a specific order because I needed them in that order. I don't believe that Heavenly Father inflicted me with infertility or made us get divorced because "that's just part of the plan". I believe those things happened because of free agency and unfortunate circumstances.
But let me tell you, I whole-heartedly believe that Heavenly Father knew what I was going to go through and so He placed other experiences in my life to help me learn and grow before, during, and after each trial. He knew I needed extra strength and so He helped me gain that.
So do I believe everything happens for a reason? Well, that question is loaded but my main answer would be no. But I do believe that when people utilize their free agency, God gives us tools to deal with that.
And when I think I've been given too much to handle, God won't leave my side until I figure out how to be a little stronger, deal a little better, and smile a little more. He is always there.

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