Thursday, April 21, 2011

What is perfection?

As a young girl, I would look into the eyes below and think, "This is perfection." I don't think I quite understood early on that Haley had down syndrome and possibly how it affected her parents when they found out, etc. I was 6, not a mother, and I had no clue. I only knew that she was {and is} perfect. {hence the reason my daughter is named after her} When I was 8, I remember praying that I would someday have a handicapped child. Two of my siblings are handicapped and so was one of my best friends [was---meaning since she has passed on, her body no longer has those handicaps] and I loved them so very much. I knew there was something special about these children.

Fast forward to my getting pregnant with Petey. I remember talking to my mom one day and asking her if it was wrong that I no longer wanted a handicapped child. She reassured me that no one wanted their children to be handicapped but if it happens, we love them and care for them just as we would any other child.
This made sense to me.
My mother is the queen of all mothers in my mind. And she is especially the queen of all mothers with handicapped children. Between that and my dad being a pediatrician king, I have it so very good. It makes my job as a mother a lot easier to know that they are always there for me.
And then there are Davey's parents. King and Queen of parenting also. They raised 7 great kids. That alone is enough to call them wonderful parents. Add in the fact that my mother in law is the queen of sewing dresses for my girly. Then add in the fact that my father in law is the king of movie time with my kids and play time when we are there. You've now got yourself 4 kings/queens that I get to have in my life.
I have got it so so good.
Perfection is a state of mind. Only Jesus Christ has actually achieved this perfection we strive for on earth but I believe Haley, Will, and Candace are all right there behind him.
And then there is my Brookie Cookie. Ok, well, she isnt mine but she is my niece. I've often thought about the challenges she'll have to overcome and each time she pops into my mind, I think, "She must be a strong and special spirit for Heavenly Father to give her these challenges." Seriously, I look at her personality and I just know she'll overcome her obstacles.
And there's also Baby Weston. I find myself calling him my baby Wesser Wes. First of all, he's also not mine. Second of all, I have no idea where I come up with some of the nicknames that I do. Sorry, Annie! :) Wes is an endurer of many things HARD. Oh that baby boy has had such a rough go at life. But he is also strong and I think the same thing about him as I do Brookie. He is obviously special for Heavenly Father to send him with such great challenges.

Is my tangent over yet? Because I did have another question to ponder...sorry.

Another one of the questions I've pondered is, "What would I do if I lost a child?"

This is actually a thought that runs through my head often. And a part of me feels grateful for that. Weird, right?
But really, think about it. If you accepted the reality that your children may NOT be there tomorrow, wouldnt you love them a little bit more each day?
I know it sounds slightly depressing but I dont mean it that way. Tonight, as I was reading old posts from i should be folding laundry, it really struck me that she said people would be reading and either thinking, "I know exactly what you're feeling." or "I am more grateful for my children after reading what you have gone through."
And that is one of the many reasons I read this blog and this blog and this blog and this blog. Through their trials, these people help me to be a better mother, to live in this moment and not tomorrow's moment. I don't know what tomorrow will bring and so each day, I thank my Heavenly Father that my children are in my arms. He has given me so much and I don't thank Him often enough.
I am trying to keep the complaint department more closed off in my life. So what, Petey got out of bed 6 times tonight and kept playing with her brother instead of sleeping. So what, she slept in our bedroom on the floor the night before. And so what, my girl has an attitude like her mother. She is here. And Spidey is here. And Boss is here.

Together, we are here.

And that's how Suze sees it.

PS: I apologize. I shouldve split this into two blog posts. If you read it all, thank you. :)


Ken_and_Becky said...

I love reading your blog, Suzanne. You're so insightful and such a good mom. It's an interesting thought to want to have a handicapped child but I really do understand what you mean. They are so precious and wonderful. I often wonder what they'll be like in heaven, when they have their perfect bodies - the things we'll talk about.

Spencer and Jessica Drew said...

I loved haley! I totally know that she is a special spirit. I know that all handicap children are THE MOST special spirits in heaven. I can't wait to see haley again!

Jocelyn Christensen said...

That's how Suze sees it. I love it! This was neat to read to get to know you better! You have an amazingly big heart! - jocelyn