Wednesday, May 23, 2012
"Me da baby!"
I know I say everything's better and that infertility doesn't run my life and it's true. But just because it just doesn't run my life does not mean I won't be faced with hard days; days where I dream about being pregnant or holding my own tiny baby in my arms. It seems so unreachable at this point but I try to not give up hope.
There are many days I love just having my two kids. Their independence is exciting and depressing all at the same time. It is a lot easier not having to do everything for my kids, having them both using the bathroom, being able to entertain themselves when I need a break, etc. But on the other hand, I dont want them to grow up! They're getting too big.
I know I'm crazy and it's probably messing up my child but when Spidey comes up to me and says, "Me da baby." and curls up in my arms, I always agree with him. And when he wants the binky he never took as a baby for 2 minutes, I let him. And when he needs me for just about anything, I'm right there. I understand he wont need me forever and that makes me sad. I know I'm spoiling him but he's my baby! He may be 4.5 months away from turning 3 but he is my baby!
Often times, even when it's my big girly wanting to snuggle or have some "baby time", I just let her. I let her because the past 4 years have gone by way too fast and I know someday I'll look back and think age 4 was a baby age, whereas right now it seems old!
Over the weekend, I didn't turn on the computer a single time. I was with my family, not just in the same home as them. I've tried so hard to stay off the computer more often because I really have better days when I'm focusing more on my children and playing with them. They are actually way more entertaining than the computer anyway. :)
I know my unbalanced hormones are playing a part in this sad realization of my not-so-little children but at least it helps me realize their importance and appreciate this time I have with them. They are only going to be little for so long and I don't want to miss out on that.
And on that note, it's time to sign off of the computer. :)