2015 Flashbacks

 2015.

There were so many good things that happened to our family this year. So, so many.

But a few traumatic events made this year different than anything I could've ever predicted.
And when it came time for me to write a post about our year, I found myself not wanting to do so because the memories had a lot of background pain attached.

I've pushed through though because this blog is important to me. But I did make a decision, one that may or may not be big news to you but one that I've been considering much of the past two years.

I am retiring Suze's Corner. 

I started this blog a few weeks after my son was born back in 2009. In the past six years, so much has happened. There are memories from our marriage, raw moments after divorce, friendship memories that are painful to read about, etc. It's been a messy blog at times and I am so grateful for all of my readers.

And in case you're surprised (or if you think I'm an oversharer maybe you're even happy), I don't plan to stop writing. But I'm going to start a new blog in 2016---a blog that still shares messes and talks about the past and the future but a blog that doesn't have so much background attached.

Maybe you don't care or maybe you do but either way, I've decided this is what's best for my journaling {free therapy} in the future.

Anyway, I've decided to go through and talk about some of our memories of 2015 to wrap up the year.

In January, we drove up to Flagstaff to visit some of our friends. Andersen had the opportunity to play on a real drum set that belonged to our friend's band and he loved it so much. We went ice skating, played in the snow, and made new memories.

 In March, we headed to Carlsbad for Spring Break. We spent time in the sun and went to Legoland.

 This year has been incredible for Hayley. Incredible. One of her teachers messaged me at the end of 2014 and asked if she could choreograph a solo for Hayley to compete. It was so exciting!

 She competed that solo for the first time in March of 2015 and got 2nd place and High Gold. I cried as I watched her perform on the stage.
Cried. Real people tears.

 At the end of March, I ventured into my parents' backyard during my lowest point of this entire year and found that my mom had made a little peace garden with benches surrounding it. I can remember the feelings, the fears, and the thousands of thoughts spinning in my head as I told God He needed to fix this mess.
And slowly, He did.

 As one job door closed, another one opened and that same week, I was offered a job teaching tumbling at Rhythm and Motion Dance Center, which was something I could've only dreamed up until that point.

 And a week later, I decided it was time to do something I had been considering for a while and make myself a permanent reminder that I am a warrior. This tattoo will be on my foot forever and will remind me of the things I've been through and the strength I've shown during some trials I never would've thought I could handle.
I'm forever grateful for the acceptance from my people regarding this permanent decision and also for the support my family has been given throughout the year. It's been incredibly hard but also incredibly beautiful to realize who my people are and how much they care about us.

 On August 6th, Hayley lost her very first tooth and she did so by pulling it out all by herself!!! If you can't tell, she was so extremely happy!

 In July, my parents took us all on a trip to Washington DC. It. Was. Magical. I enjoyed so many things about DC and loved that my kids and I were given such an incredible opportunity.

 August 2015, my BABY boy started Kindergarten. It was a little tricky figuring out schools but we found the perfect fit and he is doing so well!

 Also in August, I started school full time at Arizona State University!!! I knocked out my first semester with 2 A's and 2 B's and enjoyed most of my classes.

 Hayley had an incredible opportunity to perform with her dance team at Disneyland and we got to enjoy two days of Disney fun!

 Oh and since I didn't already mention it, I switched the kiddos over to the dance studio I teach at and they are both currently dancing with RMDC's company. Both kids are enjoying it and learning so much.

 Another first for me---I attended my FIRST concert in 2015 and it was Taylor Swift! I am so thankful for my sister who invited me and was there to share my excitement---and when T Swift first came out on stage, I may have shed a few happy tears. (I really did...)

 Time Out for Women 2015 was another one for the books! That time with my mom and sisters is always so incredible and brings out the crazy in all of us.

 Another highlight {literally} of 2015 was changing my hair from this...

 ...to this. Blonde, blonde, super blonde. I'm so thankful for incredible friends who have amazing talents.
And speaking of amazing friends with talents, Leyla Moss took our family pictures again this year and as she does every time, she outdid herself!

We put the pictures together in less than 24 hours and the colors, location, everything was perfect! 

And it probably doesn't hurt that my kids are so freaking adorable. 

 Another heartbreaking moment of 2015 was watching Leyla lose her husband, Andy, to cancer. This moment was significant for me because Andy was diagnosed only a few months after my divorce had started. Leyla and I were both going through scary times and weren't able to physically be there for each other but being the amazing friend that she is, she still found ways to show me she loved me.
And two years later, as I said my goodbyes to her incredible husband on this Sunday afternoon, I felt like my heart was ripping in two for my friend, not knowing how to help or what to say.
And since that day and the harder days that happened weeks later, I have tried to be there for Leyla and I have prayed harder than ever before that she would feel God's love.
Cancer sucks, you guys. It really, really sucks. But throughout this experience, I have been amazing by Leyla's strength.

 And in October, Hayley performed her newest solo with her new dance team and as she danced on that stage, I felt the tears stinging the corners of my eyes again. And if you're wondering, it isn't because I'm proud of her for being a dance. It is because I'm proud of her for doing something that is scary for her. I'm proud of her for fighting her fears to be able to do something she truly loves.

Now 2015 is almost over and two weeks ago, I had a professional put a hole in my nose and stick a stud in there for fun.

This year, tied in with all of the painful things I've experienced, I've experienced some of the happiest times ever---ever, but especially since my divorce.
I've changed---a lot---and the things I believe have changed---some significantly and some small changes.
It's scary sometimes but most of the time, I look at who I am now and who I was then and the corners of my mouth curl up toward the sky.

Things weren't meant to be easy but they are going well. They are beautiful and the gratitude I feel often pours out in a blubbering mess across Instagram/Facebook. I'm pretty sure most people are sick of my rants but they keep me going and remind me why I'm fighting to be who I want to be---and not who I think I'm supposed to be.

2015 was hard and crazy and incredibly unpredictable but 2015 taught me more than I ever could've imagined.
And that's something I'm getting sick of admitting---that trials teach me and make me stronger---because I WANT LIFE TO CALM THE FRICK DOWN! But if it isn't going to, at least I'm learning so much in the process.

Merry Christmas, friends. I am so grateful for each of you.

2010 Review Extravaganza-Part 2

Welcome to another blogisode of my 2010 Review Extravaganza! Hosted by...




In April of 2010, we celebrated Easter by having my SIL and her family here. The girls all had matching dresses and our Spidey was in an awesome pink tie. We tried to do a photoshoot and got some pictures...but it was kind of melt down mode for the kids.Also in April, I wrote this post which reflected some of my thoughts about marriage. I loved going back and reading so many of my April posts but that one stuck out to me the most.

In May, we celebrated our girly's 2nd birthday! Petey learned how to squish her brother's fat cheeks together...

...and she got a new bike for her birthday! A very special pink bike that is still too big for her this December. Someday, she'll grow---we hope.

May was also Mother's Day and I dedicated 5 blog posts to special mother's in my life. You will find them here, here, here, here, and here.

In June, these cute cousins (Spidey on the left, K Bear on the right) were starting to interact with each other more. I remember the day we parked their carseats like this when we were both at my parent's house. They were so cute together and I miss my K Bear so darn much!

Also in June, I wrote this post about how I'm sure some of us tend to get on our blogs and relay our lives to others as perfect and always happy. I talked about how frustrating work was (even though I loved that job so much) and how much I wanted to be with my kids. My patience was growing thin as I longed to be with my kids. If only I had known then...

And to end our wacky June, my 2 1/2 year old was still skinny enough for an infant carseat. Dont worry, we never put her in the car like this but at the science center one day, both of my kids were getting restless and wanting to be out of the stroller. I suddenly had a great idea that if we changed their point of view (we put Spidey in the front facing forward seat and Petey up in his carseat), maybe they'd be happy.
And guess what? They were! :)

I am loving this 2010 Review.

Stay tuned for next week's review of July, August and September.

And that's how Suze sees it.

2010 Review Extravaganza-Part 1

A fellow blogger friend of mine pointed me the way to a new blogger friend who is doing a fabulous Friday link up post for 4 whole weeks.

Each Friday, I will recap 3 months out of this year...which completely goes along with my Flashback Friday posts. Perfect!

In January of 2010, I made these goals. Some of them happened, some of them didn't even come close to happening but 2010 has been a happier year and also a successful one.



In January of 2010, Petey and Spidey were this size.

And Spidey was attached to me most of the time. Also in January, I became reunited with some very special photos of a very special girl whom I named my daughter after. 2010 marked the 9th year since her passing.
In February of 2010, my husband told me I dressed like an old lady. It took a while to stop thinking about that every morning as I got dressed but it doesn't seem to phase me anymore. And I still love him. :)

Also in February of 2010, I was trying to work on my weight. My husband took this picture of Petey and I outside my parents house riding my brother's special scooter.
And my son puffed up and became a butter ball. :) Love this kid so much...love him even more with his head full of red, curly hair.

March 2010 marks the first time we took professional pictures as a family...not a family of 4 but ever as a family. It also marks the meltdown my kids had at the end of our shoot.

March also marks Petey's second tear duct surgery. Hard day for momma since I had to do this one alone but we made it through with only a couple days of a bloody nose and a groggy girl.

The post that stuck out to me in March was here. At the time, I was taking a lot of things for granted and I think that post really brought me back to reality. I actually go back and read it often...I should just print it out and have it on my nightstand.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

You'll have to excuse my lack of posting yesterday---I stayed up partying with my friends until 2am. Kinda felt like a kid again but maybe that was because they all know my secret now that I actually AM a kid. :)

Last year, I bought my kids matching outfits for Christmas...but in different colors. I LOVED those outfits even though everybody else made fun of them. I was told on many occasions that they looked like jail inmates. Oh well. Still loved them.
As I was going through pictures to find my kids in these adorable outfits, I came across these two hilarious pictures.
Petey used to try so hard to smile without producing much more than a strained face. :)

Too bad my kids both had growth spurts and grew out of these outfits in weeks. Maybe my next kids can enjoy them as well. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

Meet [one of ] my best friend[s].

My brother, Wilbur-force, is one of the coolest kids you will ever meet. I have known this kid for 13 years---yes, he is 13 years old---but I didn't meet him as a newborn. Because he is just special that way.
Wilbur-force wasn't like his other 5 siblings (all girls). We all came out of our mom's tummy. Wilbur-force was picked. If you ask him where he came from, he'll say, "Under a rock." or "From a strange world." because he has aquired my sarcasm and humor.
He reminds me of me.
I have heard probably 100 times that he looks like me---and yet, we share no genes.
Wilbur-force and I shared a bedroom for many years---because I was just that lucky.
Wilbur-force conquered (and I do mean conquered) a stroke when he was born. He has to work hard every day to use the left side of his body. But he does it. Because Wilbur-force is strong.
Wilbur-force has always loved me unconditionally. When things were rough in high school, he was always there at the end of the day to give me a kiss. When I moved out of my house, I broke his heart. When I came back, he was happier than I've ever seen. I know I affected him and though I'll always regret that, it makes me love him even more to know that he never gave up on me.
When I got married, Wilbur-force was probably a foot shorter than me. He is now 4 1/2 inches taller.

I know you wish he was your brother. But he's mine. And he always will be. As of 12 years ago on Halloween, Wilbur-force is a part of our family for eternity.

I think we got the luckier end of the deal.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

Exactly one year ago today, this was what my little girl was doing. I loved when she used to make that quirky smile for the camera. Her new baby brother was almost exactly a month old and she loved using the things he used---bumbo, baby swing, bouncer, etc. There is a special place in my heart for this firstborn child of mine. She is so much like me, it's scary. Her sassy attitude, humor, and her sensitivity - I understand it all because it is me.
I hope she continues to love others as much as she does right now.
I hope she learns from my experiences and doesn't make the same mistakes I did.
I hope she loves and apprciates her mom as a teenager, like I wish I had done.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

Aha! It's is currently 1:09am on Saturday but I woke up just especially for you because I forgot to give you a Flashback Friday.

Just kidding. I was already awake from our ward Midnight Madness, which ended at midnight...but then I decided to come home and watch The Office on Hulu while Boss was busily carving his 3rd pumpkin of the night...and I thought I was crazy.

Tonight's Flashback Friday is brought to you by the letter H---for Halloween, of course.

Here is Petey last year on Halloween. Oh yeah, she was Nacho Libre. There will only be so many years I get to pick her costumes out so I've wanted to make them as original as possible.

I'm crazy, I know. Who dresses their 16 month old daughter up as Nacho Libre?!! I do!

This year she is doing the punk rock princess thing. That has been a fun one for me. Mostly because I get to dress her up 80's style and I love doing that!

Many times, I feel like I am living the 80's through her, since I wasn't brought into this world until '87. Did you know I'm only 23? Or that I am already 23? Or however surprising that age revelation was. Usually people are surprised at how young I am---like on Sunday when a bunch of 8 year olds asked me if I was 40. What the???!!!!!! I'm guessing it's because I have 2 kids.

Anyway, I LOVED this costume on Petey. We may have to repeat it next year for her brother if he'll let me.

Goodnight to me...Good morning to my sister in China...and hopefully the rest of you are already getting some good sleep. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

Good morning, Saturday. My "I have a cooking handicap" post took up Friday so we are actually doing Flashback Saturday today. :)

Today, I wasnt quite sure of a certain photo or time frame to pick so I decided to pick the 7th picture from my 50th album. Seriously, I have A LOT of albums. Anyway, this is what I found.

This picture was taken one morning when I was meeting Boss' Mom at the high school to drop off my kids (way closer than driving them out to Queen Creek). Petey was bored and so I let her come sit up with me...only in a parked position, of course. She found my mirror and thought ti was the greatest thing ever invented. I love this picture of her. I love a lot of pictures of her. She is so beautiful.
This brings me back to the many memories I have of dropping my children off at various places. Between June and July, I think I cried dropping them off more than I didn't. For some reason, those months were getting more and more difficult for me and who knew that only a month after that, I'd make the plunge and stay home with them.
It's hard...don't get me wrong...but I don't cry and my heart doesnt break when I leave them places because I know I am raising them. I know they are learning and growing (or not doing so) because of me. It is absolutely 100% worth the pay cut we took to do this. And I would absolutely encourage any mother that wants to be home with her kids to look into your budget and see just how far you can cut it down to stay home with your kids.
Because in the end, money means nothing and family means everything.

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

Welcome to Flashback Friday. I'm going to make this short and sweet since I'm getting ready to leave for Time Out for Women in 2 hours and havent even packed yet.

I love my dad. I hope everyone loves their dad---but I really love mine.
When Petey was in the hospital, he was calling to make sure "they were doing their job" and to make sure she was being treated well at Cardon's.
When Spidey was really little and had really horrible croup, I remember him calling me at 2am to make sure our little guy was doing ok.
When Petey was a colicky baby, he would take her and let her scream in his face for hours while I took breaks.
When both of my kids were born via c section, he was able to be there for the entire thing and make sure both of my babies came out healthy.

He's headstrong. He's stubborn. He knows how to be a boss. I get a lot of personality traits from my dad.

I found this picture while rummaging through last year's Halloween pictues. Can you believe my Bubs was that little only a year ago? My dad has THE MOST patience for babies---he is a pediatrician so this makes sense to me. He just loves them. He is always wanting to hold our children---mine and both my sisters. He just loves his grandkids so much and is constantly asking for them.

Arent they just so cute snuggled up on the couch like that?

Flashback Friday

On this Flashback Friday, there is a special person I would like to honor. Spidey turned 1 yr old yesterday so flashback day is all his.
This picture was taken after we got home from the hospital with our new little bug. Nana and Papa had been watching Petey that day and brought her home a little while after we got there. This is her meeting her brother. She was very unsure of him, as the picture will show.
Almost exactly 1 yr later, she couldnt love the kid more. She is always trying to help with her brother and play with him. And this boy has made this first year a breeze. He is always happy and smiling and lately has started showing a goofy side to his personality. I love it!

I cant believe it's been a year already. Spidey was supposed to stay little---didnt he get the memo? We love our little boy so much and couldnt imagine life without him.

Happy birthday, Spidey Bubs!

Flashback Friday

Will Flashback Friday EVER be on a Friday?
At least I came closer this time...only 4 hours til midnight and then it technically will be Friday. :)
Tomorrow is going to be busy with a funeral and other plans so I decided we'd better get this one up a little early since this weekend also holds a very Special Event.

This picture will probably always be one of my favorites. This is around the time Petey was learning to walk and I was flashing pictures left and right. This face has so much sass in it and is so much MY daughter. I also loved when her hair was this length and I did the two tiny piggies on top of her head and let her curls down on the bottom. I LoVeD this time with Petey. She was developing so much personality all at once and I loved everything about her...including her sass.
And this is Spidey yesterday...standing for long periods of time a whole TWO months earlier than his sister did. He may not seem fast to you since he will have his 1st birthday next week but he's done almost everything exactly 2 months before Petey and I just find that so funny. This boy will be walking in weeks and I just dont want to let him grow up! He was supposed to be my baby for a long time but apparently he has other plans of his own.
Spidey also took his first steps yesterday. He took 2 steps in a row but it took a lot to even get him to that point so we'll see how long walking takes.

I'm so proud to be the momma of two great children. As I'm writing this, Petey is snuggled at my feet asleep...because that's what non-napping toddlers do. They zonk out at 8pm every night. At least mine does. It's such a beautiful thing and I'd take 8pm bedtimes over naps any day. :)

And that's how Suze sees it.

Flashback Friday

( ...even though it's being posted on Saturday)
Ive decided Friday posts are going to be flashback posts. I love looking back on the hundreds of pictures I have. It's actually something I just do from time to time, not just when I want to make a blog post. :) Hopefully Ill be able to keep up and post every Friday but if not, youll get the post a little late, like you are today. :)

This picture is one of many from our very first trip together. How lucky we were that our first trip was going to Hawaii with my family. It was beautiful. I'd been there once before when I was a freshman in high school but it really just isn't the same as going with someone you love as much as I love the Boss. I was pregnant with Petey here and sick as a dog but it was still a trip worth taking.

Do you want to know why we went to Hawaii?

Yes, it's true. We are THAT much ASU fans. Go Devils! This is actually the reason we went when I was a freshman too. My dad loves ASU and almost never misses a football or basketball game...home games AND away games.

I cant wait to go back to Hawaii again some day. It was the most fun trip we've had together since we got married.

And that's how Suze sees it.

PS: When I was a freshman and we went to Hawaii, I won a hula hoop contest during half time at one of the games and got a free xbox game...which I traded for $20. haha. This last time we went in 2007, I was asked to do the contest again and failed MISERABLY since I didnt take into account the fact that I was pregnant and could not hula hoop as well as I had before. It was slightly embarrassing and Im sure everyone was wondering what a pregnant lady was doing entering a hula hoop contest. :)