Thursday, October 28, 2010

"Old Friends"

Right this very moment, my sweet baby boy is poking me in the eyes and folding my ears over. He likes to sit next to me and do this if he has the chance.
Earlier today, this same boy and I played for a long time. He is easily amused...I am easily amusing. :) We work well together. He likes to play catch and can throw a ball with pretty good aim.
This brings me back to last night. My little boy was dressed up as a cow. Petey was the cutest punk princess. We were at my parents ward trunk or treat. Oh to think back to the days when I was a child/teenager in a family ward and not the adult...the one with a seriously awesome calling and not the primary pianist (not that being the pianist wasn't a good calling...but I just don't play the piano very well).
*ouch! baby boy just grabbed a chunk of my hair!*
I'd like to think that I'm a pretty outgoing person but I'm starting to think that isn't so true. Or that maybe it's true for the people that I've met post high school but not for my "*old friends (review term below)". I'm trying to decide what the reason is. Is it because post high school people have never known me pre-baby-body so I feel less self concious? Sometimes I wonder if my high school friends look at me and think, "Wow, she really let herself go after having those kids."(because yes, my body does have an extra 30 pounds of love since high school...or more, depending on which year of high school we are talking about) They might not think that way and I'm not saying they're shallow people...but I am trying to figure out why I feel so reserved when I see them in public. And I think I'm going to pinpoint that as the reason for now and try to fix it.
So how do you fix a problem like that?
If I'm happy in my new post baby body, I would fix the problem by getting over my self conciousness and realizing that nobody's opinion matters besides that of my husband and myself.
And if I'm not happy with my post baby body, then I need to start fixing the problem there. :)

So now to decide if I'm happy or not...I'll get back to you after I finish off this chocolate ice cream...
Just kidding. I'm not really eating chocolate ice cream...though I did have some earlier today. :)

I'm not happy with my body but I don't hate it. Does that make sense? And I sure haven't weighed myself in weeks but I've been riding my bike a lot of mornings and cooking healthier dinners so something is hopefully bound to change.
And you know what? I think that's where I'm most happy.
I'm NOT happy changing my entire diet and lifestyle and going on a strict "lose 30 lbs in 3 weeks" crazy diet.
So I'll do things my way and realize that it's up to me to be happy in the body that Heavenly Father has created for me.

So nevermind...I'm going to say that I am happy.
Happy to have a hard working husband and 2 crazy rascals to love and care for me. Happy for parents, siblings and friends who love and care for me no matter how I look.

I am happy.

And that's how Suze sees it.

*"Old friend": a person you still keep in touch with through the internet but don't see on a daily or weekly basis.

PS: Is there a therapy for a person who blogs too much? Because I think I've just hit my record with 3 blog posts in one day all on the same blog. I must be crazy...and yes, my kids did exist in my world today. Dont worry. :)


Candice said...

Suzanne I love you and admire you more every day! You are an amazing mother to two young kids and a great wife. Seriously we really do need to get together. I dont even care if we craft I just need to see an "old friend" :)

Juli said...

Hey Suze,
I totally know how you feel. I may not have extra weight on me anymore (silly Maughan/Crockett genes you know) but I do have plenty of battle scars from having my girls. I read this awesome article once that totally said how I felt. I am going to email it to you. I hope you like it too.

P.S. don't worry about what anyone besides your Heavenly Father and your husband think of you. No one else matters. :)