I've often asked myself this question.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know I pondered this questions 6 months ago, in my blog post from last conference, but somewhere along the way, I got a bit off track and recently, I started wondering what the heck I did to deserve my infertility...again. This wondering is a slippery slope, filled with only disappointment at the bottom, for it is not the correct question to be asking.
Does anyone remember the movie iRobot? With Will Smith in it? Remember how he will only get answers if he asks "the right questions"? I believe this can also be true in life.
Instead of asking, "Why has this happened to me?" I need to be asking, "What does God have in store and expect me to learn from this?"
Thankfully, Elder Eyring spoke of trials at this April General Conference and helped me to remember that trials do not happen to bad people. Trials happen so that we can grow. Here are some of the notes I took on Elder Eyring's talk:
Adversity can bring my greatest blessings or it can break me. It’s my choice.
How can we lay that unshakeable foundation? Some may feel their foundation is crumbling.
We need to endure to the end. Getting older does not do it alone. It is serving
God and others persistently that turns testimony of truth into unbreakable
spiritual strength. Acting on even a twig of faith allows God to grow it. When
our trials come, the faith to endure it well will be with us. Build a strong
foundation so you will be ready to conquer anything. God wants us to be
polished, hence the trials we are given.
I feel like a rock that has many rough edges still. God is slowly polishing me and teaching me how to be a true disciple of Christ.
Many of those rough edges are being polished through my trials but some of them need to be polished through my own daily actions. They may not be as prominent and they may be harder to recognize but these rough edges still affect the polished person I am trying to become. One of th greatest challenges I deal with, aside from infertility, is being happy with the things that are right in front of me. I am often envious of others and compare what I have to what they have. In most cases, I am comparing my weaknesses to their strengths. I compare my children, my wealth, my testimony, and my body image to those around me; not all the time but often enough for it to affect me. Elder Holland is one of my favorite speakers and as soon as he started speaking, I knew he was speaking for me. Here are some notes from his talk:
Don’t feel hurt or be envious when good fortune comes to another person. We are not
diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each
other to see…who is most blessed. The race we are in is the race against sin
and surely envy is one of the most universal of those. Envy is a mistake that
just keeps on giving. Demeaning others does not improve your self image. The
formula of faith is to hold on, work on, and see it through and let the
distress of earlier hours fall away in the abundance of the final reward. Don’t
dwell on old issues or grievances. Mortals will always struggle, even inside
our church history. Even if one of those grievances did not originate with you,
it can end with you! Don't hold something that happened 20 years ago over your
spouses’ head, or plan on holding it over their head for another 20 years.
There is nothing you have done that cannot be undone.
How grateful I am for apostles and prophets who speak to me and for me every 6 months (and occasionally in between). They really are chosen by our Heavenly Father and receive revelation. Time and time again, I am reminded of this when their words answer many of my prayers.
My mind is clear.
My heart is full.
My life is blessed.
And that's how Suze sees it.