Sunday, October 9, 2011

Six weeks down...

As my kids walked out the door for church this morning, each wearing their own mini backpack with some books and a stuffed animal in it, I saw two children---not two babies.
I saw a big sister that loves to be a mother hen and protect her brother.
I saw a giggly little boy who loves making people laugh and getting their attention.

I felt happiness as they marched their miniature little legs out to the van because I knew that they are mine. They always will be mine.
It's been a little over 6 weeks since I was diagnosed with PCOS and I am here to say I am surviving! The life changes have been hard and haven't fully taken effect (since I just can't seem to eat healthy to save my life). The hormone changes have been harder (way too much fighting going on in this house). But many of the times have been much brighter and happier.

I look at life and see things much differently. I look at our family struggles and even our financial struggles and I realize how happy I am to just be alive right now. There is so much good.

I look at Petey and Spidey and wonder how I got so lucky. They sure made having babies look soooo easy and I know I took those times for granted. I also know I will never do that again because I now know what a struggle many women deal with on a daily basis to conceive a child. Many people that I associate with don't seem to understand the severity of this. And I'm not just talking about my case but the case of every other infertile women on this earth. It is not nor will it ever be an easy thing to be told. My heart aches and I wonder what I can do for these other women. Prayer is the only thing that comes to mind on a daily basis and I pray for each and every one of you that is struggling to conceive a child. You are amazing and strong and you will make it!

I've learned that life is what we make it. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be sad. I follow the Twitter hashtag #pcos and often times, I see negative comments about women complaining of having PCOS. Now don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of complaining and everyone has the right to speak how they feel, be it negative or positive. But it makes my heart hurt because I know where true happiness comes from. And I want to share it with everyone I come in contact with.

For me, true happiness comes when I give my life to God and trust that He knows what is best for me. I've had some pretty crappy PCOS days but those are the days I pray longer and harder and they are often the days that teach me more about myself and about gratitude for the things I have.
I know that it is going to take time to get used to all of this, be it 6 weeks down the road or 6 years. But in the meantime, I savor the moments I have right now. They matter much more than anything else right now.

And that's how Suze sees it.

PS: Hello, my 6 newest followers! I am curious as to how you found my blog, and so many of you just this week! But either way, welcome and I hope you'll stay and enjoy what you see. :)

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