Friday, August 19, 2011

For my Big Girl

It's been a couple of days since I've posted because I just havent felt like it. We've had some wonderful moments this week but also some pretty dark moments. And since they are very private moments, I havent felt like writing in here...because that's what personal journals are for.

But alas, here I am. I hope you've missed me, at least just a tiny bit.
Today I mourn and rejoice for my firstborn baby. This week, I have very clearly realized that she is no longer a baby. Not even one bit. This crazy haired little girl has a mind of her own but has so many moments where she still wants to be close to her mommy. I wouldn't trade her personality for any others.

A couple weeks ago on our way home from Carlsbad, I looked back and noticed that she had something in her mouth. When I asked her to give it to me, I realized it was a ball of hair. She had chewed off her bangs! I was disgusted and we had a long talk about why we dont do that.

Then a few days ago, she ran over to me and said, "Mom, I was twisting the comb in my hair and it got stuck." I know it doesnt look that bad but it was wrapped many times and I couldn't even find the ends of her hair. It took Boss about 45 minutes to get it undone. The whole time, I was worried we would have to cut her hair really short but he finally got it out. Now she just has a bunch of shorter hairs in the front because it broke a lot of her hair off. "sigh"

Two days ago, our big girl had her first real playdate with her friend from church. She's come home a couple of times from church and said, "Mom, why do I only get to see 'A' at church? I want to play with her at home." So A's mom and I decided to set something up for them.

They played so well together for 2.5 hours at our house.

and then they headed to A's house for another 2.5 hour playdate.

After dropping them off at A's house, I realized that she is a big girl now. She isn't a baby and she doesnt do baby things. She does big girl things, like have a playdate without mom there to supervise.

I felt like I had let a little bit more of her go. It seems with each milestone she hits, a little bit more of her is her own person and not the baby that I make choices for. Each time she gets a little bit older, she gets a little more independent.

And I mourn and rejoice that. Because in many ways, it is very happy and in other ways, it makes me sad.

And that's how Suze sees it.


Amanda and David Jones said...

She might not always be your baby, but she'll forever be your little girl. My daddy would always tell me that no matter how old I got, that I would still be his little girl. I resisted when I became a teen, but then an amazing thing happened... I became a mother. When I became a mother I wanted so much to hold onto being my Daddy's little girl even though I now had a child of my own. Then I found my perfect man and we got engaged and got married. The engagement stirred up those feels again, but nothing as much as the wedding. He refused to let the person ask, "who gives this woman to this man", because as my Daddy put it, "i will NEVER give any of my children away!" So it was changed to, "who presents this woman...". :) At that moment I realized that he was truly right all along. I will always be his little girl. The day of our wedding I was so happy to be married to my husband, but sad that I was leaving my Dad's house to go live with a BOY... Not my daddy, but a different man! I was oddly but comfortably bitter sweet. :) All that being said, and even though my Daddy has been in heaven for nearly the past 18 months, I still feel very close to him and I am very reassured because I know that I will always be his little girl. :)

Emmy said...

Yes, obviously we don't really want them to stay our babies forever but yet sometimes they just seem to grow up too quickly

Jenna said...

Wait until she goes to preschool! Audrey practically grew up overnight.